


Vicious Cycle

by Lynds



Series: Breaking the Cycle [1]
Category: Loki: Agent of Asgard, Norse Religion & Lore, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Abuse of Norse mythology, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Avenger Loki, Avengers Family, BAMF Darcy Lewis, Canon Divergence - Thor (2011), F/M, Fantastic Racism, Homophobia, Jötunn Loki, Loki Angst, Loki Needs a Hug, Loki's Kids, Loki's Punishments, Odin's A+ Parenting, Past Child Abuse, Ragnarok, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-01
Updated: 2017-02-08
Packaged: 2018-09-03 13:27:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 24
Words: 83,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8715709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lynds/pseuds/Lynds
Summary: Loki learns he's a Frost Giant when he tries to tempt the Jotnar into the weapons vault. Now he's on Midgard, living with Darcy and Jane, and being accepted for who he is for the first time. He just wants to be left alone with his family of choice, but he knows Odin's not going to let his stolen relic go when he wakes from the Odinsleep. So when Darcy falls pregnant, Loki panics. How is he going to be able to be a good father when he never managed to be a good son?





	1. Jotunheim

Loki took a deep breath and calmed his racing heart. _I’m doing the right thing_ , he reminded himself. It was just over a week until Thor’s coronation, and he’d tried to talk to Father again. No use. He wasn't surprised, but he couldn't deny the sharp pain and anger he’d felt when Father had dismissed him. He’d lost his temper this time, said Loki was just jealous of his brother. Jealous! It had nothing to do with jealousy. Thor was just immature and woefully unprepared for the responsibility of ruling over the Nine Realms. He would be a disaster as King. He wanted to make his mark so badly Loki was sure he would start a war with one of the other realms just to get his name in the history books and on the lips of the skalds. That was the only thing he’d ever cared about in their studies - becoming like their grandfather with Svartalfheim, or Father with Jotunheim. 

Loki was _not_ jealous.

He took his time casting the cloaking spell. He didn’t want Heimdall spying on his plans. Once he could feel the shield protecting him from Heimdall’s gaze, he wrapped the folds of reality in on himself and slipped onto the branches of Yggdrasil. He took a moment to adjust his perception. This different plane of existence made his eyes ache like he was trying to read a book too close, and he scrunched his face up to relieve the tension. The light had a strange, spectroscopic property, and didn’t seem to be coming from anywhere, bouncing off the secret paths like a mirage. He leaped lightly from limb to limb, holding on to the rough, metallic bark for the bigger jumps, then slipped down the trunk, through the shimmering disc, a two dimensional ocean that whited out his vision momentarily, to emerge into Yggdrasil’s roots and the lower realms. He was the only person he knew of who’d ever found a way to navigate this, the backstage of the universe, and he wasn’t even sure he knew how he did it. The only other people who'd ever seen Yggdrasil had leaped back into their reality in horror, even his own mother, but he found it beautiful. Maybe he really was insane, he mused, as he found a thin area in the fabric of the universe and squeezed his way back into the real world.

The cold assaulted him the moment he’d released the folds of reality and he shivered, but not as much as he had been expecting. He felt the terror rising from his core. This was _Jotunheim_ , for Norns’ sake! He forced it down and replaced it with curiosity, a response that came naturally. He had never visited Jotunheim. It was forbidden. Of course Loki was not one to shy away from a challenge - usually forbidding him from doing something was akin to wrapping it up in silk and putting a big ‘God Jul, Loki’ tag on it - but Father had forbidden, on pain of dismemberment, any Aesir from visiting Jotunheim for a thousand years, as long as Loki had been alive. In the privacy of his own mind Loki could admit that the thought of this frozen world of barbaric Frost Giants terrified him, and up until now, that had been more than enough to keep him obedient, if only in this one area. But things had changed. He needed to do _something_ to prove to Father that Thor would be a liability as King, and he had to do it before Father went into the Odinsleep. He straightened his shoulders and marched towards the citadel in the distance, light-footed over the packed snow, collar up against the blizzard. He reassured himself that he knew what he was doing. This was all planned out carefully. Find a Frost Giant, sell the information, and sit back to watch the chaos. There was no chance that the Jotnar would ever succeed in getting their grubby hands on the Casket of Ancient Winters, the Destroyer stood ready for them. Thor would lose his temper, have a bit of a tantrum about his coronation being interrupted, and Father would see what an immature, self-centred child he was putting on the throne, and would make Mother regent again for another few decades. He had no illusions that Thor would end up being King at some point, it had been obvious since their majority. The feasting for Thor’s coming of age went on for over a week. Loki had spent his own, five years later, studying in Alfheim. His mother had come to visit.

His skin crawled as he stepped into the ruins of a vaulted building, columns stretching up to the snow-driven sky, and his lip curled. In a thousand years they hadn’t repaired anything from the war. They truly were mindless beasts.

The rumbling chuckle drew up through his boots, turned his insides to jelly. It sounded like a distant avalanche. He turned calmly to face his first frost giant, cricking his neck up to an uncomfortable angle to look the creature in the eye.

“My eyes must be deceiving me, Helblindi. Is there a little Aesir in front of me, or am I dreaming?”

A second giant, smaller than the first, only two feet taller than Loki, lounged on a crumbling windowsill, examining black fingernails with undue attention. “It seems there is, brother. He must surely be lost,” he drawled.

Loki cleared his throat. “I seek a bargain which will serve both parties,” he began, cringing inwardly to hear his voice quaver. 

“The only thing I seek from you is your absence,” growled the first giant, taking a step forward.

“You have no interest in the Casket of Ancient Winters then? I see, well, I’ll be on my way.”

“What do you know of such things, little one?”

Loki turned back to the brothers, hiding a smirk. “I was a mage in the Allfather’s palace. I know a secret way to the weapons vault, where you will find what you seek.”

“We seek nothing,” snapped Helblindi, his feet swinging around on his seat so he sat square on to Loki, levelling his red gaze on him. “The Casket is gone. We wait for death.”

“Brother…”

“No, Byleistr, you know better than to trust the false hope of lying Aesir scum. This is a trap.” He slipped off his perch, landing lightly. “Go home, little warm-skin.” 

He walked close by Loki as he left, passing through a door further into the ruined palace. Byleistr remained, staring at Loki, eyes narrowed. “Why?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Why would you betray your people?”

 _There is still a chance_ …Loki curled his lips into a snarl. “They betrayed me first. They have taken the one I love from me, forbidden us from seeing each other. She…she took her own life.” He injected fury and pain into the lines on his face to turn back to the giant. “I want them to suffer as she suffered. As I have suffered.”

He thought it was a pretty good performance. Better than the skald who had told the same epic love story at the feast last month. Now was the time to see if beasts felt this would be a good enough motivation for betrayal. Byleister stared at him for a long moment, and Loki was beginning to think he should have gone with greed instead, surely something a monster would understand better than love, _you sentimental fool_ , Loki…

“Tell me everything.”

***

Loki led Byleistr to the portal device he had hidden in a cache near where he had come through from Yggdrasil. He hadn’t wanted to take it with him in case things turned nasty. He still couldn’t believe this was all working so well! Byleistr brought a second giant with him, Gridr, and the two of them spoke in sub-sonic rumbles that Loki could feel in his chest like the purr of a cat. They kept glancing at him, Gridr with ill disguised hatred that made Loki feel even more exposed.

“It’s up here,” he yelled over the wind. The two giants turned to the small pile of stones on the hill, and Loki leaped up the rugged path. Gridr followed.

It all happened so fast. The ground made a screeching, crackling sound as Gridr placed his feet where Loki had stepped. Byleistr shouted a wordless, panicked warning, and Loki turned to see the world drifting up before his eyes. No, it was him falling as the ice crumbled, sliding down the cliff. Loki felt his stomach rise up in his chest with inertia as his body followed, and wondered if his death would break the cloaking spell. Would Heimdall find him, shattered at the bottom of a frozen crevasse, or would his Mother forever wonder where he had gone?

Then Byleistr’s hand shot out, the giant’s upper body stretched over the open air while Gridr clutched at his feet. Loki stretched for him, felt his huge hand close around his arm from wrist to elbow, hyperventilating as his shoulder was jerked in its joint, and watching the snow and ice shattered into powder far below him. He looked up at his monstrous saviour just as he felt the leather of his vambraces crumble with cold shock and remembered all the stories, the horrible scars the old soldiers wore from the Jotun frostbite. _This is really going to hurt_ , he grimaced. Byleistr and Gridr were thinking the same, pulling him up as quickly as they could.

When skin touched skin Loki braced himself for the burn that never came. He had his eyes shut in preparation, but when Byleistr gasped and nearly dropped him he snapped them open again.

At first he thought he might have fallen through the gaps in reality again. There was an extra colour, an extra sense, haloing the two Jotnar and flickering in the edges of clouds, cutting through the blizzard and providing more definition to the previously blue and white world. Byleistr and Gridr had hauled him back onto solid ground now, but instead of letting him go, Byleistr grabbed him by both shoulders and shook him. “Who are you? The truth!”

“Byleistr, stop!” Gridr wrapped his arm around Byleistr’s chest, pulling him back.

Loki stared at the horror and grief in Byleistr’s face, still shell-shocked from his near death experience. He didn’t understand. What was going on, what could cause his childhood monsters to look so terrified, so distraught? Why was he not freezing, burning with the cold of his touch? Loki finally looked down at himself. Where Byleistr’s hands gripped his upper arms, the leather had crumbled away, but his grip felt no colder than that of his brother and his hands…his hands were blue.

Not cold blue, but a deep, rich indigo, with paler, raised lines. Blue like the creatures he had sought to lead to death and chaos.

“What is this? Am I cursed?” Loki barely recognised his own voice, weak as it was.

“Byleistr, is he…?”

“Laufeyson,” Byleistr whispered. “Brother.”

Loki’s eyes snapped up to the giant. Horror heaped on more horror. Gridr reached out a trembling - _trembling_ \- hand, and stroked Loki’s cheek, following a line Loki couldn’t see. “Is it possible?”

“What is going on?” Loki screamed. There was nothing left to hold the terror back. Every nightmare he had ever had as a child poured up through his skin, his hateful, blue skin, and he thrashed against Byleistr’s grip. “What am I?”

“Loki,” breathed Byleistr, before the writhing captive made him shake his head. “Loki, stay still, please.”

“How do you know my name? Let me _go_!”

“We thought you dead! Please, brother. Father left you in the temple during the war, we begged him to let us care for you but…we thought you were dead!”

“I am not…” Another wave of horror flared through him. He was not his Mother’s son. Not his Father’s… “Father…I am just another stolen relic…this explains so much…” Loki flopped in Byleistr’s grip, his knees no longer able to hold him up. The giant released him, sitting down heavily in the snow in front of him. Loki gulped air that grew colder as the blue receded from his skin to leave behind the ivory colour he had cursed his whole life, wishing he could look more like Thor. He laughed at himself, a breathless, trembling giggle with no joy in it whatsoever. This explained _so much_. He never had any hope of being anything like Thor. Appearance was the least of it. 

Thor. He didn’t think he could feel more fear, but this sent a fresh wave over him. Thor had sworn many times to kill all the Frost Giants, strike their heads from their bodies with Mjolnir. Loki’s arms, goose pimpling now from the snow beating against his bare skin, wrapped around his chest in a childish attempt at self-comfort. He couldn’t go home. Asgard was not his home. He would not be able to keep this hidden, and when it came to light Thor…Thor would surely kill him. He had only been putting up with him and his _women’s tricks_ for years, centuries. He could not bear to see the disdain in his brother…no, not his brother…in Thor’s eyes turn to hatred before he crushed his skull. Loki stared into the abyss he had almost fallen into, and considered, for a long moment, throwing himself into it anyway.

“Brother?”

Loki’s head snapped up to look at Byleistr, heart hammering in his chest. No, no, this could not be. This was not fair. He had lost one brother, a golden, heroic prince, and gained a vicious, cruel, monstrous Frost Giant…he was _not_ his brother! He would have no brother…he would have no-one…he stepped back from the two crouching figures and with fumbling hands reached for the cloth of reality, pulling it around him.

He almost collapsed onto the branch under Jotunheim, fingers gripping the cool world tree spasmodically as sobs bubbled up in his chest. He couldn’t return home, though his panicked feet just wanted to take him that way. His hands slipped on the tree, his eyes blurred with tears and still itching from the strange light, and he staggered away from both Asgard and Jotunheim, no destination in mind, crashing through the branches, sliding and almost falling more than once. When a glimmer of light, more a feeling than a sight, flickered at the edge of his perception he turned towards it. Midgard. It was almost as off limits as Jotunheim to the Aesir. _Perfect_. He took hold of the fabric and pushed through it, landing on his hands and knees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Odin kept Loki's original name...
> 
> So what do you guys think? I hope you like it! The whole thing's finished, I just have to edit it all, so hopefully it'll be updated every few days or so ^_^ please tell me what you think - thank you for reading!


	2. Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki arrives in New Mexico and meets Darcy and Jane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, you guys, thank you so much for all your lovely comments and kudos and bookmarks! I'm hoping to update pretty regularly, as it's mostly written out, but I want to make sure it's edited before I upload, and I'm thinking of a few new chapters to go in the middle, so I don't want get ahead of myself! Thank you for reading ^_^

Loki wasn’t sure how long he stayed knelt on the sand, his forehead pressed against the grit and his throat gasping out pain and betrayal. It served him right, he laughed darkly. His betrayal exposed as a direct result of his own attempt to betray his br...no, not his brother. Loki sat back on his haunches and wiped the sand of his face, laughing mirthlessly at the tangled web of irony. If what Byleistr said was true, no matter which way you looked at it, he had been about to betray a brother.

Frost Giant. The words swirled around in his head, mocking him, changing their emphasis and twisting every memory he had. His entire existence tilted to one side, and everything he had ever believed had to be re-evaluated with this new knowledge. He was the monster parents told their children about at night, the monster Thor had sworn to destroy all their lives. Laufeyson, not Odinson. The thought made him want to be sick. How had he ended up in Asgard? Byleistr had mentioned a temple. His fa…Odin must have found him there during the war, but why take a child? His mother’s words, the phrase she had used all his life, rang in his ears. _There is always a purpose to everything your father does_. But what was his _purpose_ for a Frost Giant foundling?

His eyes suddenly snapped open. Whatever the purpose now, Loki had ruined everything. _Father will be furious_ , he thought, as he had so many times before, and knowing that Odin was not his father didn’t stop the cold trickling of dread that started in his face and seeped into every tissue. Every punishment he had been given in the past would pale into nothing compared with what Odin would do to him this time, because he no longer had to pretend to have mercy on his son. He no longer had to pretend to care.

Loki stumbled to his feet, eyes darting around in panic. He quickly checked the shielding spell. It was still holding Heimdall’s gaze at bay, and a little relief slowed his heart rate. But he would still have to hide in the long term, find a new life and never return. He thought of his mother, briefly. But she wasn’t his mother, was she? The thought ached under his heart like a solid block of ice. She would be the person he missed most of all, and he tasted the bitter guilt when he thought of her despair at not being able to find him, not knowing where he had gone. He might as well have fallen into that ravine on Jotunheim. It might not even have killed him, and his blissful ignorance would have remained intact. It would have been well worth the punishment for sneaking into Jotunheim if he could just be Loki Odinson again. 

He began walking, the distant mountains at his back. He had had enough of mountains and ravines for one day. He went through his options. Loki knew his strengths lay in manipulation, part of what Thor called ‘his tricks’. Dishonourable, yes, but when you’re a weak, skinny, dark shadow behind the blazing son of Asgard you took whatever advantages you could get. He briefly considered becoming a woman, it had the advantage of being unexpected. But he discarded that idea quickly. The thought of Odin’s face when he had seen Loki’s new skill…he shivered at the punishment he had received that day. He couldn’t afford to be found by the Allfather at all, but as a woman…he didn’t want to imagine how much worse the punishment would be for disgusting Odin as well as displeasing him. 

The sun beat down on his black leather armour, a stark contrast to the blizzard he had left behind. He pulled the burnt sections of his clothing off, leaving bare arms and a strange uneven shape to the remaining sleeve. He flexed his right hand, remembering the blue that had spread across his skin when Byleistr had grabbed him. His eyes must have been red as well. This thought tipped him over the edge, and he doubled over, vomiting up bile. He had been unable to eat for nerves all day, and it was mostly stomach acid burning his throat and tongue. His breath shivered as he tried to get himself under control. This was unacceptable! He swiped at his face angrily and pushed himself back up, stamping down on the roiling of his stomach. He was Loki of…well, he was Loki, and he had at least been raised a prince, he would damn well act like one. He spat once, straightened his shoulders and marched onwards.

***

By the second day walking in this accursed desert with no food or water, Loki had to admit he was starting to stumble, and his head felt full of cotton wool. When he saw the dark, silvery ribbon lying straight across the plain he had abandoned all pretence at dignity and ran towards what he thought was a river, only to fall onto a baking road of black rock which had caused the shimmer in the heat. Loki would have screamed if he had more energy. He stared around stupidly for a moment, then staggered back off the road before the heat burned through his boots. He gritted his teeth. It may not have been water, but a road meant civilisation. But which way to go? There was still no sign of life in either direction, and he knew using seidr would be a bad idea in his dehydrated state. He started to walk again, travelling east so that the sun wouldn’t be setting in his eyes.

When the glinting metal carriage appeared on the horizon ahead of Loki, the sun was setting behind him and casting a long shadow for him to step on. The wind was rising, blessedly cool on his bare, burned arms. The machine was travelling as fast as one of Asgard’s skiffs, but on wheels instead of magnetic repulsion. Loki dully wondered how the mortals had managed such a thing as he placed one foot in front of the other, watching the vehicle whip past. He barely reacted when it screeched to a halt just beyond him, his whole attention focused on moving forward.

“Hey, dude, are you crazy? Where the hell are you going? You’re burned to a crisp!”

Loki turned slowly. A young, dark haired woman reversed the vehicle back to him and was leaning out of a window. She wore strange coloured garments on her head and frames over her face, and a far away part of Loki noticed her perfectly shaped lips and the grey-blue of her eyes behind the glass.

“Are you OK? You don’t look so good. How long have you been out here?”

Loki blinked, not sure what to answer first.

“OK, that’s it. Get in the car. But if you try anything I will not hesitate to taze your ass like it’s going out of style.”

Loki struggled to find his voice, move his tongue, any sort of response. He put his hand up to his temple, wishing he could clear the fog out of his brain. If he could only have a few moments to rest, or some water…

“Hey…” the mortal was getting out of her car, and he stepped back as she reached out to hold a hand to his forehead. She was tiny, her head barely reached past his lips. Even smaller than his mother. The memory of the last time he hugged her stabbed him under the ribs and he flinched as the woman grabbed his arm. “C’mon, you’re burnt and dehydrated. How long have you been walking out here.”

“Two…” he cleared his throat and tried again. “Two days.”

“Two days? What the hell, dude, how are you not dead? Here, have some water…no, wait. I’ve got some gatorade in the back, that’ll be better.”

Loki gulped the blue liquid, finishing the bottle with a gasp. He sighed in satisfaction as he licked the slightly salty taste off his cracked lips. It tasted like Eir’s heat stress potion, only much sweeter. “Thank you.”

“No problem. You’re looking better already, you must have the constitution of an ox. I’m Darcy, by the way.”

“Loki,” he said immediately, then bit his tongue. One does not start a new life in the shadows using one’s own name. He shoved the irritation down. He hadn’t had enough time on Midgard to learn what names would be acceptable yet. This was one mortal woman. He would thank her for the lift to civilisation, then leave and never see her again.

“What the hell were you doing out there, anyway?” She moved levers and controls around, guiding the vehicle down the road, the wind whipping through the open windows. “Sorry we’ve gotta have the windows open, the air con’s broken and Jane’s grant doesn’t cover ‘luxuries’.” She snorted. “Luxury my ass, AC’s like a friggin’ necessity out here.”

She paused, looking at Loki as if it was his turn to speak. It took him a moment to remember her original question. “I…I was looking for a town.”

She frowned. “You were going totally the wrong way. Puente Antiguo’s the only thing for miles around. Where did you come from? How did you get out there in the desert?”

“I…” Loki stuttered to a stop, feeling the first flutterings of panic. This was ridiculous! His fear was too close to the surface, and had been since…well, since Thor’s coronation had been announced. He grasped for some explanation that would make sense to this mortal, but he knew nothing about Midgard, nothing about the area and the cultural norms. He was an habitual liar, he knew he was, he was always getting into trouble for some untruth or other, but usually his tales were more carefully planned. 

“Hey there, it’s OK, I didn’t mean to stress you out.” Darcy reached out to rub his shoulder, keeping her eyes on the road most of the time. Loki flinched as she touched him on the bare skin exposed by the destroyed leather. “Sorry,” she said quickly, pulling her hand back. Loki realised he’d been taking shallow, fast breaths, and forced himself to breathe normally. What was _wrong_ with him? Darcy looked at him with her blue eyes round and concerned, and he felt shame wash through his veins. 

“I do not know how I got here,” he said at last, wanting to give her something, but knowing that anything true would point to his origins. The mortals had lived for so long away from the rest of the Nine Realms, and the Allfather had forbidden travel to Midgard at around the same time as he had to Jotunheim, but because the mortals were so much weaker, and lived such mayfly lives, nobody had much interest in visiting the world. Thor and his friends had often spoken of sneaking off to Jotunheim to seek adventure and glory, but none ever considered Midgard worthy of attention. Perfect for the false prince, who had never been worthy of attention either.

***

Loki jerked awake when Darcy pulled on a lever between the two of them and brought the car to a stop. He rubbed his eyes, still startled he had managed to fall asleep with a stranger sitting next to him. 

“I apologise…”

“What for, dude? You feel asleep within about five minutes, you must have been exhausted. C’mon, I’ll cook you some dinner, you need something more than gatorade in you.”

“I cannot impose, Lady. I must be on my way, I thank you for your kindness.”

“Nuh-uh, no way I’m letting your ass back out in the desert today. You’re already burnt to a crisp, and you’ll probably freeze tonight.” Darcy looked at him, head on one side. “Huh. You’re not so burnt now, though. What’s with that?”

Loki opened and shut his mouth, trying to think of an intelligent and believable answer. She squinted at him, but eventually shrugged. “Make yourself useful, grab the other side of this science contraption.”

He lifted the square machine out of the rear door of the van, and noticing her straining to support her end, he tilted its weight backwards so he had the whole thing resting against his chest. “Holy shit, Loki, that thing weighs like a million tonnes. How buff are you? Look at those arms, dude, you’re totally hot.”

Loki blinked. “My temperature is much better, thank you, Lady Darcy.”

She threw her head back and laughed. “What are you, an alien? I mean…” she gestured at him, and self-consciousness blazed through him. What was it he was doing now that made him stand out? What was making him a freak on this realm? He did not have enough information, he didn’t know all the social norms, and he was obviously making a fool of himself. If she would just explain to him…she already knew his name, perhaps he could work out a few more of his mistakes with this one mortal and be better prepared.

“I…I do not understand.”

“Come on, gorgeous, I’m keeping you out here holding that piece of scrap. Let’s get inside, you can put it down. God, I might keep you around, with muscles like that.”

He followed her inside, heart sinking. So it was his appearance that left so much to be desired, again. It would be too much to hope that someone, somewhere, might find him…if not attractive, at least not repulsive. But Darcy’s teasing comments bout his puny musculature, and calling him ‘gorgeous’…of course such a beautiful woman would not look on him favourably, but he must be really pathetic for her to make fun of him about it.

“Hey, Jane? Jane, I got your piece of junk…oh, pardon me, I mean your very important science thing. Where are you?”

There was a bang, a loud burst of swearing, and then another tiny human woman popped her head into the room. Her chestnut hair fell loose in waves across her face and she was rubbing at a red patch on her arm. “Do you need a hand? Oh…hi.”

“Hey, ground rules. You can have the super important science machine, but the sexy alien is mine. Finders keepers. Loki, this is Jane, Jane, Loki.”

Loki bowed slightly, still holding the machine, and now vaguely curious as to what it did. 

“Oh my god, Darcy, you made him carry the Rensselaer array? Here, bring it…put it in here. Are you OK?”

“Fine, thank you, Lady Jane.” Loki followed her into a room full of similar devices, shifted the machine he was carrying to his left arm so that he could move some papers, and placed it onto a steel table, turning to see the women stare at him. “I’m sorry, would you like it somewhere different?”

“That thing weighs around a hundred and twenty kilos.”

“Told you he was an alien.”

“How did you do that?” Jane grabbed his arms and began moving them around, prodding his biceps and following the shape of his muscles.

“Dude, Jane. He’s not an artefact, leave the poor guy alone.”

Jane snapped her eyes to his face and dropped his arm like he’d burnt her. “Oh, I’m so sorry, that was rude of me.” She brushed her hair behind her ears and looked flustered.

“Think nothing of it.” He made a conscious effort to stop himself from covering his bare upper arms, or crossing them over his chest. 

Darcy grinned at Jane and shook her head. “I don't know. Groping the guests…”

“Hey,” Jane snapped, blushing, “you’re the one who wanted to own him!”

“What? I did not!”

“You said the sexy alien is yours!”

Darcy’s eyes widened and she clapped a hand over her mouth. “Oh my god, I did?” She turned to Loki. “I’m so sorry, that was totally not cool, you know I didn’t mean anything by it, right?”

Loki raised an eyebrow. “Of course. I did not even notice.”

“OK, phew. That’s…right, I’m going to get dinner on.”

She walked to the kitchen, flustered all of a sudden, and Loki looked to Jane for a hint. She just smirked and shook her head, walking back to the new machine to set it up.

“Yo, Loki?”

“Sounds like she’s over her embarrassment,” Jane laughed. “Girl has some serious recovery speeds.”

Loki turned to see Darcy in the doorway again, pulling an apron over her head. “You want a shower? Jane, can he have some of You-Know-Who’s old clothes?”

“Donald’s my ex, Darcy, not Voldemort.”

“Eh, same difference. Loki’s been on some weird Bear Grylls trip in the desert for two days,” she explained, then turned back to Loki. “Your clothes are pretty fucked, which is a shame, those things are off the hook.” She led him to a tiny white tiled room, showed him how to work the shower, and left him with a pile of thin, soft garments. A part of him recoiled at the idea of wearing clothes not made for him, with no protective capabilities whatsoever, but his leather armour was destroyed, and he knew the mortal clothes would help him blend in. They were simple, too. The soft, blue shirt fit well enough, though the trousers kept sliding off his narrow hips, and the brown jacket with strange, subtle patterns hung loose on his shoulders. He was tempted to use a tiny bit of seidr to alter the fit, but he was afraid of the women noticing, particularly Jane, as these had belonged to her previous lover. Judging by the way the clothes hung off him, this Donald had been more of Thor's build than his own. Fantastic.

Darcy held out a bowl of something called mac and cheese when he came through to the living area. The three of them sat on the couch to eat, Jane draped in a rough blanket against the desert cold. 

“So Loki, where are you from?”

Loki had been expecting questions like this, but he still winced at his lack of knowledge about Midgard. He only knew of one place on the realm, named by Heimdall during one of his stories. “Norway.” He just managed to stop himself saying the word like a question.

“Oh, that’s a coincidence! Jane’s mentor’s from Sweden, you guys should totally go out for drinks and reminisce about Scandinavia.”

Shit.

“You don’t have much of an accent,” Jane mused. “Sort of more British than Norwegian.”

“I left when I was a child.”

Both women nodded, and Loki let out a puff of air. “What brings you to Puente Antiguo?” Jane asked. And his tension shot back up.

“I…I had no aim in mind, coming here,” he admitted. When in doubt, stay as close to the truth as possible. “I could no longer stay where I was.”

“Who are you trying to avoid?” asked Darcy, but her voice was gentler than her words, and Loki found himself relaxing into the blue gaze.

“My family. My past. Everyone.”

“Clean break, huh?” she nodded, with no judgement, and he felt the knot of tension uncoil further. Ridiculous. To crave _permission_ from a mortal for his decisions…

Jane yawned until her jaw clicked and slumped into her armchair. “I’m going to be antisocial and call it a day. Nice to meet you, Loki.” He nodded to her as she passed. “And you,” she pointed at Darcy. “No more implying ownership of stray Scandinavians.”

“Fuck off, Foster,” Darcy yelled, and Loki grinned. Sif would _like_ this one. The thought made his good humour fade immediately. He was never going to see Sif again, or anyone on Asgard, and that would be if everything went well. If they did meet again, it would likely not be on the best of terms.

“Hey, Lokes, you OK there?” He raised his eyebrows to see her looking at him with her head cocked on one side, her plump lips twisted to one side in sympathy.

“Fine,” he replied, pulling up his most diplomatic smile.

She raised an eyebrow, but didn’t challenge him. “This calls for one of Darcy’s pro playlists. What kind of music are you into?”

He frowned. “I do not understand.”

“What’s there to understand? What genre, band, album, you know? I can find anything on Spotify if you like. What’s your favourite song?”

“I…I do not think we have the same thing…” he trailed off, hoping she would fill in the gaps with her own assumptions rather than making his own ignorance so clear. What was she talking about? Music was something played beneath the skalds’ stories, or for the beginning of ceremonies, and sometimes after a banquet Thor would demand a song, which usually had something to do with drinking and fucking and fighting, not necessarily in that order. What could possibly be enjoyable about listening to such sounds? But Darcy was staring at him like she had only just realised he was different, like his fast healing, walking in the desert, and strange burnt clothes were nothing compared to not having a favourite style of music. What _was_ a style of music?

“Dude, are you serious? You don't know what kind of _music_ you like? Were you raised in a fucking religious cult? Oh my god, is that why you’re running away?” Loki just stared at her, not knowing what to say. How had he always found blending in so _easy_ on all the other realms? Was Midgard so completely different from everywhere else that he had no frames of reference? Thank the Norns for the Allspeak, otherwise he would be completely unable to progress. 

Darcy was pulling out a tiny white device. “OK, we gotta fix this. You can’t go through life without finding your music, this is unacceptable. Now, what playlist…what kind of mood are you in?”

He blinked at her.

“Hmm,” she said after a moment. “How about some ‘my family sucks for never letting me hear music but I’m awesome and I will survive’ music?”

Loki couldn’t hold a snort in. “You have such music?”

“Oh, babe, you have no idea.” She swirled her thumb over a circle on the centre of the device, and Loki wondered in horror if this was how people felt when he discussed his seidr, unable to believe anyone could find such a bland and boring subject so captivating. He flinched violently as she shoved a hard object in his ear, and his heart thumped, wondering if this was some sort of elaborate trick that he’d fallen into. 

“This’ll do for a start, first thing on my iPod, bit of Aaliyah, cuz you gotta just dust yourself off, man.” 

Loki almost leaped off his seat as the sound started, a man speaking with a strange repetitive sound beneath. Skald music then, he thought, but within seconds it had changed. There was a woman…creating these sounds with her voice that he did not think possible, and underneath the sounds were changing constantly, new noises being added and twining in perfect compliment to the woman’s voice, which soared and swooped. The sharp taps sounded like some sort of heartbeat, and seemed to be having some sort of effect on his own heart. He stared at Darcy, who was still scrolling through what he could see was some sort of menu, pictures flickering across the tiny screen while she bobbed her head to the music coming into her own ear through the twin of his own earpiece. She felt his gaze on her and glanced up, grinning at his expression. “You like that, huh?”

“This is…this is like nothing I’ve ever heard before.”

She laughed, and he felt his heart lift at the sight of her eyes shut, head tipped back because of something _he’d_ said. 

“You have _no_ idea! Oh man, I’m so psyched to be here for someone’s first ever taste of music. Here! I’ve got an idea!” She dropped her own earpiece and rummaged in a drawer, returning with a colourful little device with holes in the back. She pulled the wire attached to the earpieces out of the white square and the music disappeared. Loki’s smile disappeared. He wanted more of the incredible sounds. Who knew this is what _music_ was capable of? 

She scrolled through the menu some more, and when she pressed another button the sound came out of the little machine loud enough for them both to hear without the earbuds. “Here’s a great silly song to dance to.” She pulled him up as another syncopated heartbeat started, and a different woman sang, a very different song. “C’mon, Lokes, shake your ass!” He stared at Darcy, who was throwing her hair around, her arms waving in the air and her feet kicking up in time to the music. 

_all the ladies tell the fellas we can do what they can do, we can do it even better in broken heels_

Her whole body seemed to be moving in time to the beat beneath the melodies. When she saw he wasn’t joining in she grabbed his hands, linking their fingers together, and pulled him from side to side, twisting her hips in an incredibly distracting manner. “Just move in time with the beat, it doesn’t matter what you do, just have fun!” 

He cleared his throat and tried to copy some of what she was doing, but she kept changing her motion, and before he could regain control over his body, the music came to an end. “I’ll get you dancing by the end of the night,” Darcy laughed, and turned back to the machine. “Ooh, Black Eyed Peas! Perfect.” When she turned back to him, the bare beats of this new song building up in complexity, she placed his hands on her own shoulders and wrapped her fingers around his hips. Loki gasped at the touch and tried desperately not to blush like some maiden, but it was difficult with Darcy’s chestnut hair so close to his face, swinging back and forth and releasing a sweet fruit scent into his nose, her glasses glinting on smiling cheeks, and her hands so warm through the thin fabric of his trousers, twisting his hips and bringing them closer to her own body. The sensations were all overwhelming him, and he was finding any kind of coherent thought impossible. 

He could feel his feet starting to move of their own accord, shifting in response to Darcy swinging his hips with hers, and she noticed too. “Yeah, that’s right! Right, David Guetta and Kelly Rowlands now. Let's just start the dance playlist.” She started another song, with a woman’s voice again. On Asgard, only men were skalds, and their voices were deep and serious, with none of this wild abandon and joy. The sounds seemed to take on a physical form and he could feel them swirl around the room, caressing his body like his seidr did during some deep meditations. Darcy spun under his hand, holding it above her head, and he could feel his whole body responding to the beat of the songs as they changed, no longer needing Darcy to choose a new song when the old one ended. A man was singing about being crazy, and Loki felt his eyes close in the bliss of movement and sound and Darcy’s touch.

“Woah,” she breathed. Loki’s eyes snapped open to see her standing still and staring at him. He blushed and stopped dancing. “Oh, god, don’t stop, I’m sorry. It’s awesome, isn’t it? Feels awesome?”

Loki nodded. Awesome was the right word. He couldn’t believe such joy could be given voice, given expression. He had always known he was repressed, that he held his emotions under tight control, but Darcy, and this music, made the whole of Asgard seem laced up and painfully constrained.

“I can’t believe you’re hearing this stuff for the first time, it’s just funky pop music. There’s so much more…oh my god, I have to give you a full musical education.” She grabbed her hair, looking around wildly.

“Please, Lady Darcy, you do not have to do anything. I’m so grateful to you for showing me this music, but you do not have to concern yourself with my education of any sort. And I apologise for losing control of myself, I did not mean to startle you.”

“What? No, Loki, you’re meant to lose control when you’re dancing, that’s kind of the point. Anyway, you looked gorgeous with your hair swinging around like that and your eyes shut…”

Loki turned his head to one side and hunched his shoulders. “You do not have to tease me, Darcy.”

“I’m not teasing, you really did…I mean, you’re pretty gorgeous as it is with the perfect posture and the high cheekbones, but seeing you lose your composure, well, that’s…” she made a whistling noise and fanned herself, and Loki frowned. “You do know you’re fucking beautiful, right?”

“I know no such thing. I do not exactly fit in, looking the way I do.” And now, of course, he knew why that was. He clenched his fists. It wasn’t necessary for her to keep goading him like this.

But Darcy was looking at him with big eyes and a crinkled up forehead. “You really don’t believe me? What kind of shit did they teach you in that cult, dude? You’re smokin’ hot. Look,” she pulled him back to sit down on the couch again, “I don’t know what things are like where you’re from, but they’re obviously very different. I think you’re well out of that. You can make a new life here, surrounded by music and clothes made out of something other than leather and metal, and people who think you look like a movie star. Not everyone, sure, we’ve all got different tastes. Jane’s got a bit more of a thing for blondes, for example. But don’t ever think that someone’s teasing you when they say you look good, because you really do look more than good.”

He stared at her, silver tongue turned to lead. No woman had ever in a thousand years considered him attractive. He just wasn’t the aesthetic ideal in Asgard. There had been plenty of women who had pretended to find him attractive, and he had spent some quite enjoyable nights with some of them. He’d even once allowed himself to think that they might enjoy his company for its own sake, but as soon as they found out he couldn’t or wouldn’t give them the political connections they sought, they disappeared. And here was Darcy, who had no idea who he was other than a stray she’d found in the desert, telling him she thought he looked attractive…and that there were other people who might think the same thing. He wasn’t so sure about that last point, but that there was one person who believed such ridiculous things about him…it made him feel like he should be worshiping her as a god.

She smiled softly at him, then picked up the now silent music player. “And as for a musical education? Well, it would be my privilege. I’ve got eclectic tastes, and I think it’s a sin for someone to have so little exposure to music, so I’m going to right a wrong today. How about something different?” She swirled her thumb again. “Ah, here you go. Somewhere Over the Rainbow by Israel something-Hawaiian-that-I-can’t-pronounce. Tell me what you think of this.”

“Do we dance to this?”

“You can, but it’s slower, so it’s…uh…different to dance to. Maybe you’ll let me teach you one day but…uh…yeah, just listen to it for now.”

The song started differently, with a stringed instrument and a man humming in a voice that was somehow deep and painfully sweet. His voice reverberated as if he was singing in a large room, and yet the song was intimate. The skalds back in Asgard spoke of epic battles, and sometimes great and tragic love stories, but these Midgardian songs, only a few short minutes long spoke of personal loss and want as if it was something heroic. As if the feelings and emotions of someone small and unimportant, and not in the history books, were worth immortalising and repeating, passing on the tiny joys and pains and heartbreaks to a lost monster.

It was when Darcy clicked onto one song by someone called Within Temptation that Loki realised he couldn’t cope with any more. The music started with a gentle but insistent tapping and a woman with the clearest voice, that broke with emotion even as it soared and fluttered. The building music rose up through his veins, and the words…those cruel, perfect words…

_heaven can wait ‘cause my soul is forsaken_

_run to the edge of the world, need to find my way home_

Loki couldn’t stand it. He stood suddenly, bumping into the table as the song continued to wrap its way around his heart. “Darcy, I…I must go. Thank you.”

“Loki, you OK?”

 _Please, don’t look at me. Don’t see me like this._ Tears were falling unchecked, and no matter how hard he tried he could not will them back into his eyes. He kept his face turned away from her and grabbed the door handle, wrenching it open. “Thank you for everything,” he muttered.

“Do you have somewhere you can go?”

“Yes, thank you.”

He was out in a rush, the door slamming behind him. The sounds were cut off by the door closing, but the song had imprinted itself onto his heart already and the words circled around and around his mind. It followed him as he stumbled away from the glass fronted building onto the streets of the dusty little town. Every strain of the beautiful music brought him visions of his mother, of the place he had called home for a thousand years, the people he had called his family, and with every thought a knowledge stabbed through him that he could never return, never see any of them again. He did not deserve to see them again. He was a monster, tamed and raised to believe it was better than it should be, and he hated, hated, _hated_ Odin for giving him such false hope, that he could be a Prince of Asgard, that he could be a king. That he could be loved.

He slumped onto a wooden bench facing across the street towards a food stall, closed and dark for the night, and allowed himself the indulgence of sobs. As they subsided, he called on his seidr to swirl green around him, bringing that song back out of his memory and playing it back to his ears. The ongoing pain soothed him, made him feel less alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not long after I wrote this, Kerttu told me Loki's the God of Dance, so yay :) Here's a list of all the songs Darcy played or mentioned:
> 
> \- Aaliyah - Try Again  
> \- Alexandra Burke - Broken Heels  
> \- Black Eyed Peas - I Gotta Feeling  
> \- David Guetta and Kelly Rowlands - When Love Takes Over  
> \- Gnarls Barkley - Crazy  
> \- Israel Kamakawiwo'ole - Somewhere Over The Rainbow  
> \- Within Temptation - Edge Of The World
> 
> That last song is what inspired the whole scene. But if you have any other suggestions of songs that Loki MUST hear please let me know, I might be able to put them in somewhere :)


	3. Darcy Lewis' Questionable Life Choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of Darcy's POV

“When you said you had somewhere to go, I thought it at least had a bed.”

Darcy took a sip of her frappe and contemplated Mr Tall, Dark and Handsome as he startled and squinted in the sunlight. She may not be Jane-level genius but Darcy wasn't stupid. There was something very weird about Loki, and it couldn't all quite be explained by the ‘escaped from a cult’ story. Not that it was his story at all, come to think about it. She'd asked and he had neither confirmed nor denied it, and it didn't explain the fact that the third degree burns he’d had on his cheeks and shoulders had disappeared leaning flawless ivory skin after a little rest and some electrolytes. Maybe he was a mutant, or a super of some sort, but honestly it didn't matter. The fact that he was running and lost and painfully adrift was true enough. “C’mon. I’ll get you some breakfast.”

“Lady Darcy, I assure you--”

“It’s just Darcy.”

“Darcy. I really must be on my way.”

“Really? Where are you going?” He was silent long enough to prove her point. “Haven't had time to work out your story yet, huh?” His attention snapped to her, and she was a little intimidated by the hard edge in those green eyes. “Don't get your panties in a twist. I don't care where you’re from, but if you’re going to lie low you need to learn how to blend in a bit. Come get some breakfast in you and I’ll give you a crash course in modern American culture.”

“Why are you doing this?”

She shrugged. “I'm just a sucker for a sad story I guess.”

“I have told you no sad stories.”

“No, but I can tell there is one.”

“You know nothing about me. What makes you think I am not a monster?”

“You cried listening to Within Temptation, that proves you have a heart, a brain, and good taste.”

“I did not _cry_ ,” Loki sneered.

“Uh-huh. Suuure.” Darcy turned and started walking towards the diner, mentally counting down from five. His footsteps brought him level with her by the time she got to two, and she smothered a grin.

***

“Right,” said Darcy, her mouth half full of cheeseburger while Loki tried not to inhale his stack of pancakes. “First thing, this is the good old US of A, home of the free, land of capitalism. So you’ll need a source of money. That way you can buy food and clothes and shit. What are your skills?”

Loki hesitated. “I do not know what is relevant.”

“Well, you’re super strong.” He looked at her like she’d gone crazy. Not a mutant then, if he was used to being surrounded by people stronger than him. “So you could do some physical labour. But that might make you stand out, ‘cause you don’t look like a weightlifter. Can you use computers?”

“No?”

She grinned. “You don’t know what they are, do you?”

“No.”

“I’m going to have so much fun teaching you about modern life.”

“You are very kind,” he said, a little frown between his eyebrows like he couldn’t quite figure out why anyone would be helping him. She just shrugged, and he concentrated on his meal for a few minutes in silence. “What do you and the Lady Jane do to earn money?”

“That's a bit complicated. Jane’s a scientist, she studies wormholes in space.” Loki’s eyebrows raised in interest, and she made a mental note to get the two of them talking sometime. “She gets a grant from our university that has to cover her research materials and her living costs, which is a bit of a stretch. That’s why she’s living in a trailer and I’m on a blow up bed in the back office of our converted car dealership. And as for me, I’m an intern. I don’t get paid. I got a loan to pay for my college education, and a years’ internship earns me twelve credits towards my degree.”

“You have to pay for your education? Do your people not see the benefit of educating the young so that they may contribute to society in their majority?”

“Yeah, some of us do. Unfortunately the guys who make the policies don’t. Lots of people think of it like if someone’s getting a degree they’ll be guaranteed a well paid job at the end, so they should pay for their degree as, like, an investment.”

“And if one does not have the money to make such an investment to begin with?”

“Then one is fucked. Or one gets a loan and has to pay it back when one gets one’s fancy pants job.”

“Are you making fun of me?”

“Yes. You’ll get used to it.”

He narrowed his eyes at her for all of three seconds before the left side of his lips twisted up into a mischievous smirk. “Yeah, but what if you don’t, like, _get_ that fancy pants job at the end, dude?”

Darcy’s eyes widened and she had to smack her hand over her nose and mouth to stop herself doing a spit-take. “Holy shit, man, that was awesome! Oh my god, is that what my accent sounds like?”

Loki laughed. “It is an exaggeration, but yes, that is what you sound like to me.”

“That’s totally messed up, I’m used to your sexy European accent now.” His wide smile disappeared and he blushed to the roots of his hair. Darcy squealed in delight. “Oh my god, you’re the cutest thing!”

“I am not _cute_ ,” he hissed.

“You totally are. Don’t worry, it’s a compliment.” He looked down at his coffee and muttered under his breath about not understanding mortals. Darcy’s eyebrow raised, and she added it to the list of weird shit she knew about Loki, which was going to help her figure out where he was from. “Hey, so that accent thing. You don’t have to imitate my accent, that would be weird, but could you, like, pick up some of our speech patterns? You have a super formal way of speaking. The British accent is hot, and normal enough, but the lack of contractions and the fact you keep calling me Lady, those are going to get you noticed in a not so hot way.”

“I will…I’ll try.”

“Better.”

***

He was a funny guy when you got through all the anxiety. Darcy got him to help with the groceries after they’d finished their food, and watched with glee as he sweet talked the manager of the 7/11 into giving him a few shifts. They carried the bags back to the lab and discussed her upcoming essay on the effect of political opinion on the size of the anterior cingulate cortex. It was hardly surprising that he didn’t know what the ACC was, but it was surprising when she described its position in the brain, and he snapped his fingers. “Hross hals!”

“Bless you.”

“The Mare’s neck. Because it looks like the head of a horse.”

“Huh. So it does,” she replied, thinking of pictures in her political biology textbook. She returned to the conversation, but underneath she was considering this new piece of information. She was beginning to toy with the idea that Loki was an alien, but if that was the case, why would his people have similar brain structure to humans? And they had horses. Darcy laughed at herself. She worked with an astrophysicist for god’s sake! What was she doing thinking seriously about aliens like some hick with a tin-foil hat? Back to the super soldier society theory.

They made lunch for Jane together, Darcy talked Jane into letting him crash on their sofa, and he started work at the grocery store, and then more shifts at Isabel’s diner. She chose movies for them to watch, introduced him to Spotify and every genre of music from Gregorian chanting to gangster rap and back again. She noticed he was still attached to Within Temptation, and watched documentaries obsessively. She found him dancing in the sitting room some days. He was never embarrassed about it, just pulled her to the carpet and spun her around, closing his eyes to let the joy of it all wash over him. It was two weeks into his stay when she realised she was becoming worryingly attached.

***

Jane had a new science idea. Darcy and Loki helped her and Erik set up some arrays out in the desert, Loki lifting impossibly heavy boxes full of scrap metal that Jane had cajoled and bodged and bashed into some sensitive detection equipment. 

“You’re staring,” Jane smirked, giving her the side eye. 

“I am not!” Darcy knew she was busted when she felt the blush spreading across her cheeks. “OK, so maybe I am, but dude! Look at those abs! Why did I tell him to buy that t-shirt? It’s not healthy to drool this much.”

“Why don’t you ask him out then? He obviously worships you.”

“I can’t do that, he’s still settling in here, he’s got a lot on his mind right now.”

“Chicken,” Jane nudged her with her elbow.

“I am _not_!”

  “Then kiss the guy!”

“Get outta here, go and do your science.”

“This is science. It’s chemistry.”

“Uuuugh, that’s terrible.” Darcy shoved Jane back towards her equipment and started drawing out the results table in one of her notebooks.

A slight hissing noise made her look up at the trio standing around an old PC Jane had modified and Darcy had coded to take in the gamma and microwave absorption readings they were picking up from the arrays they had pointed into the sky, and compare them with the CMB radiation data coming from the Hubble space telescope. They couldn’t get it to work live, but if it was time stamped correctly the data could be overlapped back at the lab. Jane would outline the parameters and Darcy would be able to write an algorithm for the statistical analysis. But none of the machines they had there today should be hissing like that.

“Hey, guys…”

She didn’t get a chance to finish. Something sparked in the old computer casing, and Darcy watched as a bright white fireball built inside it, shredding the aluminium and spitting the shards out across the desert almost in slow motion. The others were all standing right there, they would be torn apart…but they weren’t. Loki threw his hands out and a green sphere appeared around the explosion, the metal pieces hammering on the inside of the dome with a shrieking, spitting noise. Erik and Jane where crouched over, hands over their faces, but when they realised they weren’t being burned to shreds they looked up at the tall man standing over them in a combat stance, hands still outstretched as the flames inside the green dome shrank back down to nothing.

The silence when the green dome disappeared was deafening. Darcy stared at Loki, who stared at the charred and bubbling patch of sand, soot marks and fragments of metal confined to a perfect circle. He was breathing heavily, teeth exposed in a snarl, his fingers curled loosely by his side. He looked ancient and terrifying, no trace of the sensitive guy who cried at good music, or the idiot who laughed until he fell off the sofa watching Jackass.

Then he raised his eyes to her, and the armour fell away. He stared at her for a moment, eyes wide, and disappeared.


	4. Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More angst as Loki confronts his past and his family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my GOSH you guys...I can't believe the reaction people have had to this, there are already over 1000 hits and 100 kudos :') thank you very much for reading and commenting and being generally lovely! I now have a total chapter count, assuming I don't feel the need to write some new scenes in the middle, which is totally possible. Thank you so much for reading - I hope you enjoy it!

Loki slipped onto Yggdrasil and hunched over to press his forehead into his knees, furious with himself. This was stupid. He knew he was going to have to leave Puente Antiguo sooner rather than later, and he had been a fool to stay so long with Darcy. The more time he spent with her, the more comfortable he had felt, until his inevitable exposure tore open the recent wounds in his heart from his flight from Asgard and Jotunheim. He couldn’t stay with her any more. Not that she would want him anywhere near now she knew he was a _seidr_ wielding trickster who had lied to her from the beginning. He had to keep himself aloof from now on, not make any connections, not care about anyone so he wouldn’t get found out again. 

He sat back, wearily making a mental list of all the things he would take with him, and what he would leave behind as some sort of compensation for the care they’d given him over the last month, then moved a short way along the lower branches of Yggdrasil, all spread out over the vast dome of Midgard’s Northern Hemisphere, before stepping out into the living area of Jane’s converted car dealership. His new clothes that Darcy helped him pick out were folded and stacked neatly on the floor by the couch, and he tucked them into a pocket dimension along with the books from the thrift store. The notepad covered in her round handwriting, all the things she said he had to watch and read and hear to catch up with modern culture, he tucked into the breast pocket of his jacket. He left half of the money he’d earned from his shifts at the 7/11 and Isabel’s diner on the table, and that was it. For a former prince of Asgard, he didn’t have much to his name. 

He looked around the glass fronted room, committing the place to memory. Darcy’s iPod lay on the table and he hesitated for a moment, then plugged it into the little speaker set and cued up a playlist she’d made for him, all the songs he loved from her musical education sessions. Edge of the World started to play, and Loki rubbed his temples as the music swelled and Sharon Del Adel’s voice soared and broke his heart again. 

He heard a click behind him, a door opening slowly, and he spun round to see Darcy in the doorway. “Don’t leave.”

“I can’t stay here now, Darcy.”

“Sure you can. Nothing’s changed, oh, except you just saved Jane and Erik’s life and ran off like you thought we’d be mad at you.”

Loki shut his eyes. “I wanted to tell you.”

“No you didn’t, but that’s OK.” She stepped towards him, still cautious, and he wondered if she was afraid of him. “So, I’ve been trying to figure out where you’re from since the day I met you. I thought maybe super soldier at first, like maybe you were part of an experimental group, managed to escape, and that’s why you knew nothing about modern culture. But you know a lot about politics and people. Like, a lot. I figured you couldn’t be an alien, you recognise horses and you talk about neuroscience like your brain has the same structure as ours. And if you were alien you’d probably have a spaceship and you’d know a lot more about the stuff that Jane goes on about. And then there’s the magic.” She looked at Loki, hesitant suddenly, and took another step towards him until she was able to hold his hand. “Loki, are you an angel?”

Loki blinked several times. “An angel?”

“Yeah, I mean you just saved Jane and Eric’s life, you’re magical, you’re super strong and you heal fast. And you’re so kind and polite, and you look pretty damn angelic…”

“I…no, no I’m not an angel.” He laughed suddenly. “These things you think of me…you must be the only person I have ever met to consider me kind. And my looks…you have very strange tastes, Darcy Lewis. Most people would think demon when they think of me, not angel.”

“Are you a demon? 'Cause if you are then I gotta say, Abrahamic religions just got another thing wrong. You’re still you.”

Loki stared at her, speechless, then leaned forwards and rested his forehead on hers. “You are a singular being, Darcy. No, I am not a demon in the way your people understand them.”

“You can tell me if you like.” She ran the fingers of both hands through his hair, pulling strands around his face. “You don’t have to, but you can. I can see you think it’s something bad, but you just saved my best friend and her mentor, I think I’m going to be pretty open minded.”

His entire being was focused on the skin of his scalp under those fingers, wishing he could have more of her. But it wouldn’t be fair, not when she didn’t know what he really was. Not when he couldn’t gather the courage to tell her the truth. 

“I am Loki, of Asgard.” _And of Jotunheim_. The words were trapped in his throat, and he hated himself for continuing to lie to her, but he was a selfish creature, and he wanted more of her care than he deserved. “I was a prince, the son of Odin, but I broke one of our most fundamental laws, and I am in self-imposed exile.”

“What’s Asgard?” Her hands were still in his hair, fingernails scraping against his scalp, and his nerves burned under her touch, under the breath he could feel against his face.

He was about to explain, his mouth open to tell her about the Nine Realms, Yggdrasil and the Allfather, but a distant rumble made him turn to the wall of glass facing out over the town and the desert behind. Dark clouds gathered in the distance, not far from where they had been setting up their equipment that morning. “The Bifrost,” he whispered, then spun round to Darcy. “Where are Jane and Erik?”

“I…I left them out at the research site, they were collecting good data even without the broken PC and I didn’t want to let you go.”

 _Shit!_ They were in danger. If the Bifrost touched down too close they could be killed, and that was before they considered what could be coming through the bridge. 

“Darcy, hold on to me and close your eyes. Whatever you do, do not let go.”

She didn’t argue, just grabbed hold of his waist, pressed her face in his chest and closed her eyes tightly. He wrapped his left arm around her and opened the folds of the universe one handed, stepping out and a short way along Yggdrasil before appearing beside Jane, who shrieked. 

“Holy shit! Loki! We are going to talk about that whatever it is you just did, but first, Darcy, where the hell are my notes? I think this is a fucking Einstein Rosen bridge and we’re getting the mother of all readings here, I need everything you’ve got. Come on! We’re getting closer!”

Loki grabbed her shoulder. “Do not go beyond these marks.” He flared his fingers and a thin green trail marked the outer edge of the Bifrost landing site.

“Holy shit! We are so going to have words, Loki!”

“Stand back, please. I do not know who they will send through the Bifrost, but they will probably be looking for me.”

Erik glared at him. “Who are you, really?”

“I am Loki, prince of Asgard.”

He snorted. “You’re crazy. Those are myths and legends, stories told by primitive cultures to explain natural phenomena. Thor the Thunder God, Odin Allfather, Loki the Trickster.”

Loki frowned at him. “You have tales of us all?”

Erik rolled his eyes, and would have continued talking, but with a deafening crack the bridge opened. Loki held his hands out, shielding the three mortals with his body, but conserving his siedr until he knew what he was up against. He prayed it would just be a group of Einherjar. 

Of course, it was not. His brother stepped out of the rune circle, red cloak billowing, armour shining like the golden son of Asgard that he was. And behind him came the Warriors Four.

“Loki! What trickery are you up to now, Brother?”

Loki’s mouth was dry and his heart hammered against his chest. His broth…his not-brother looked furious, Mjolnir in his hand rather than clasped to his belt, and he wondered how far he could get the mortals to safety before he inevitably started throwing it around. 

“Where have you been, Loki?” asked Sif, irritated with him again.

“Just investigating Midgard, Sif.”

“You know travel to Midgard is forbidden, Brother.”

  “And yet you are here.”

“Why have you chosen now to disappear, Loki? You must have known my coronation would be delayed until your return. Father has fallen into the Odinsleep and named Mother regent again.”

“I…I did not think they would…”

“You live up to your moniker, Liesmith. You have long been jealous, especially since Father named me his successor. I have ignored those who told me you would do something to sabotage the ceremony, and now I see I should have listened.”

“Well, you have never listened, Thor, why start now?” His voice sounded thin in his own ears.

Thor growled and thunder rumbled above. Loki hated himself for wincing. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Darcy slip a small metal device from her pocket, clenching it in one hand. He shifted slightly to shield her further. 

“Loki,” Fandral thumped Thor on his shoulder and walked out of the rune circle. “Just come home. Your mother is worried.”

That was all it took. 

“She is not.” He had to force the sound out through the constriction around his throat.

“Of course she is, Loki,” Volstagg laughed. “The queen always worries about you. Any mother worries about her children, no matter how old.”

“She is not my mother.” His whole body was vibrating in fury and grief, and glared at Thor. “You are not my brother, and Odin is not my father. I learned…I learned the truth before…that’s why I left. I am no prince of Asgard, there was never any competition for you, Thor. And now we know why I was always such a dark shadow, a blot on the royal family of Asgard. Well, you need not worry about your _argr_ brother bringing shame upon you with his tricks. I want nothing more to do with you, any of you! Leave me in peace, let me remove myself from your lives, just leave, and do not try to seek me out again.”

Thor stared. “What nonsense is this, Loki?”

“It is no nonsense, you smug oaf!”

“Loki, this cannot be.”

“Really, Volstagg? Really? You have not questioned the obvious differences between myself and my entire family? You have not joined in the gossip wondering why I am the only dark haired, pale, scrawny person in the history of Asgard’s royalty? If I did not know you were a fool I would call you a liar.”

“Enough!” Thor’s voice echoed off the distant mountains. “I will not speak to you in such a mood, Brother. Stay here if you insist, nursing your bitterness and imagined slights. I will return to Asgard and talk to our Mother.” He turned to Fandral. “Will you stay to watch over the Trickster, make sure he does not run again?”  
 Fandral nodded and moved to stand beside Loki while the other four moved back to the Bifrost site. 

“Heimdall, open the Bifrost,” Thor roared. 

Jane squeaked and raced out from behind Loki, pointing a camera towards the four and her phone up at the sky to capture videos of the gathering clouds. Erik raced towards her, trying to pull her back, but she jabbed him in the ribs and he stepped back with an _oof_. “Don’t you dare, Erik. This is my life’s work.”

The Bifrost opened in a column of blinding light, and the last thing Loki saw of the group was his brother glaring before they were whisked away. He stood, staring after them into the once more blue skies of New Mexico, while Jane ran around shrieking in glee. “I got it! I got the footage! Fuck you, Journal of Developments in Astronomy, I am not an ‘adorable crank’!”

Fandral stepped towards him and put his hand on his shoulder. Loki twitched it off and took a step away. “Loki…”

“Has he been impossible?” He tried to make his tone nonchalant but the easy grin turned into a grimace.

“We have all been worried about you. Heimdall could not see you until a few hours ago, when he caught a glimpse of your seidr here on Midgard. Your mother and father--”

“Father…” Loki whispered. “I do not think this indiscretion will go unpunished.”

Fandral opened his mouth as if he was going to say something to the contrary. Loki was grateful when he patted his shoulder and didn’t lie.

“So,” said Darcy, coming up behind him and putting an arm around his waist. “That’s your family?”

“Adopted family.”

“And who is this vision of beauty? Loki, you have found yourself a way to Valhalla in your travels.”

Loki rolled his eyes at Fandral’s automatic slip into his role. Darcy leaned round Loki’s chest and waved. “Hey space Errol Flynn, ‘sup?”

He blinked at her, and Loki laughed before the thought of how the Allfather would punish him this time weighed back down on his heart. And now he knew he wasn't even his son...would there be any mercy?

“I want to know the truth. Who are you, really?”

Loki turned to see Erik, dusty and frowning, standing with his arms crossed. “I told you who I am, Selvig.”

“No, I can't believe this. Those are myths! You can't be Norse gods, you just can't.”

“Mind your tongue, mortal. This is a prince of Asgard, an Odinson.”

“But even in the myths, Loki wasn't Odin’s son.” 

Loki turned to face Erik properly, mouth open. “What?”

“He was a Frost Giant. He caused Ragnarok - the Norse version of the Apocalypse. He’s practically the Devil.”

Loki staggered back, shaking his head. All the blood drained from his face and he could hear a ringing in his ears. How were there mortal stories about his greatest shame, the secret that had driven him from his home? He tried to reach out for the folds of reality but Darcy had her hands tightly clutched into his shirt, looking up at him and saying something he couldn't make out. He wanted to get _away_ , he couldn't take her with him, but with her clinging on to him so tight he couldn't step onto Yggdrasil without taking her with him. He looked at Fandral, staring at him in horror. Fandral would kill him, draw his sword and strike his head from his neck like any good Aesir would a Jotun, and he would do so in front of Darcy. He looked down at her, fingers clenched in his shirt...she was holding him still, holding him here. She knew what he was now, not an angel, or a demon, _the Devil_ , she was trying to prevent him from escaping.

And suddenly the ringing in his ears stopped and he fell to his knees. Why was he struggling? What was there left for him, when he had lost his family, his home, and even his new friends? The woman he might have loved knew what monster he was and could never love him back. He dropped his head and leant his weight on hands and knees. “Please,” he whispered, dead calm at last, but still a coward. “Please, Fandral, just do it quickly.”


	5. Gods and Giants and Aliens, Oh My!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back in Darcy-land now!

Darcy clung to Loki like her life depended on it. No way was she going to let him teleport out of there when he looked like someone had just killed his puppy in front of him. When he started hyperventilating and sank to the ground on his hands and knees she tried to hold him up but dammit that dude was made of lead or something, and she just got pulled down with him. 

“Please, please Fandral, just do it quickly.”

“Do what? Loki, what ails you?”

Loki lifted his head to stare at Fandral, who was kneeling down, practically flapping over his friend. “You heard the mortal. I am a Frost Giant. It is your duty as a faithful warrior, just...just please, if you can remember caring for me at all, please just do it quickly. I have ever been a coward.”

“What?” Darcy yelled and got between Fandral and Loki, brandishing her trusty tazer.

“Darcy, come away!” Erik was reaching out for her, his wide eyes fixed on Fandral’s sword.”

“Hell no, Erik! The guy just saved your ass and now you think I’m going to let beardy-man over here chop his head off?”

“I assure you--”

“Darcy, please,” Loki clutched her hand. “Please stay out of the way. I would rather it be this way. If they take me back to Asgard my punishment will be much longer, and I would rather die at the hand of one who was my friend.”

“Norn’s _sake_ , Loki! I am not going to kill you!”

Loki stared at the blonde guy, tears tracing lines through the dust down his cheeks. “It’s fine, Fandral. I’d rather it was you.”

“It’s not going to be anyone! Do you really think Thor or...or _Frigga_ would want this?”

“Thor has sworn to kill all the Frost Giants--”

“And how many _more_ times has he sworn to protect you?”

“That was before he knew what I am...whose son I truly am!” Loki was shouting, his green eyes shedding constant tears, his face contorted in grief. Fandral looked like his whole world had been turned upside down and he was just hanging on with his fingernail while Loki was already falling. “I am Laufeyson! Our greatest enemy...the one who took fath...the Allfather’s eye, who invaded Midgard.”

“But you are _not_ Laufey. We have known you for a thousand years, Loki, and your father must have had some good reason for taking you.”

“That is what worries me the most. What plans did he have in mind for me? The Allfather is a politician and a king to his core, he would not have taken a Frost Giant unless he had some plan for me, some use. I am a tool, and now I have found out my heritage, he will have no further use for me.” 

Darcy wrapped her arms around Loki, just wanting him to stop panicking, but he pushed her off. “No! No, you don’t know what I am. I have been so selfish, taking your kindness when I’m one of the monsters who invaded your realm.”

“Yeah, Loki, a thousand years ago! Nobody here cares about that.” She glared at Erik to shut him up. “And it’s not like you did it personally.”

“Loki.” Jane finally got her head out of her science zone and crouched down next to him. “Us humans are pretty short-lived compared to you guys. We really don’t care about thousand year old battles. We’ve pretty much got over the war in the nineteen forties - heck, the Vietnam war was only a few decades ago and Americans go on holiday to Vietnam all the time now. And the wars in the Middle East that are going on now are terrible, but nobody blames a child in Iraq or Afghanistan for the deaths of soldiers.” 

Darcy nodded, deciding to save a detailed explanation of more extreme bigotry and racism for later.

Jane stroked his shuddering back. “What I’m saying is, maybe it’s different in Asgard and you’d have to deal with some pretty awful things. But you could stay here if you want. You’ve already settled in pretty well, you’re not costing us anything, and you carry all the big stuff. You’re welcome to stay as long as you like.”

“Jane, are you crazy?” Erik snapped. “This is either the Norse God of Lies and Chaos, or he’s a crazy person, and whichever way you look at it, he’s dangerous. You heard him say he’s done something wrong. How do you know he’s not lying to you now to get out of whatever punishment he’s got himself into?”

“Oh, come on, Erik,” Darcy groaned. “Look at him!”

“God of _Lies_ , Darcy!”

“God of Lies who saved your ass.”

Jane suddenly shrieked at her machines and started running back and forth taking readings. “It’s opening again!”

Loki staggered to his feet, swiping the tears off his cheeks, paler than Darcy had ever seen him. He took a deep breath, then flicked his hands. Green light shimmered around him and he was suddenly in the green and gold armour he’d arrived with over a month ago, plus the most ridiculous golden horned helmet. 

“Holy shit, that’s awesome! I’m totally making you hook me up for our next night out.”

Loki gave her a weak smile and she nudged his arm before the crazy rainbow Viking wormhole touched down again, leaving Thor and a woman in a golden dress and another kick-ass helmet. Huh, apparently Loki _was_ capable of being paler. 

“Mother…”

“Loki, my darling.” The golden woman, a freaking _queen_ , stepped forward to embrace Loki, who was making quiet gulping noises, his hands twitching as he wrapped his arms around her. Aww, Loki was a total Momma’s boy. “I’m so glad you’re OK.”

“I’m sorry, Mother.”

She leaned back and stroked his cheek. “Why did you not come to talk to us, Loki?” He shook his head, mouth opening and closing like he couldn’t find the right words, and he still looked utterly terrified. “I asked him to be honest with you from the beginning. There should be no secrets in a family.”

Loki’s voice was almost a whisper. “So why did he lie?”

“He kept the truth from you so that you would never feel different.” _Yeah, that obviously worked_ , Darcy thought, but held her tongue. “You are in every way our son, Loki, and we your family. You must know that.” She squeezed his hands and looked away. “If…when your father wakes —” 

Loki looked up at her, eyes wide. “But…he is only in the Odinsleep, it has happened before —“

Douchey big brother spoke up, face conveniently thunderous. “He was unprepared this time. Under too much stress, looking for you.”

“Thor.” Frigga glared at her eldest. Jeez, those two looked similar. They both had this golden glow coming out of their skin, beside them Loki looked as pale as the moon. “We mustn’t lose hope that your father will return to us.” She stroked Loki’s cheek. “As you have returned to us.”

Loki’s eyes widened. “I cannot…I cannot return to Asgard, not knowing what I do now…”

“Loki, it is all right.” She smiled and stroked his cheek. “I understand. It will be hard for you, but please remember that there’s always a purpose to everything your father does. When he brought you home after the war in Jotunheim, I knew you were my son, as much as if I had borne you myself. It matters not where you came from, you will always be our son.”

“He can stay with us, your majesty,” Darcy said quickly. “If people in Asgard are as anti-Frost Giant as Loki says, it might be safer for him here.” She crinkled her nose up at Thor.

Frigga turned to face her, and Darcy’s face flared red. She wondered if she was supposed to curtsey in the presence of royalty, but Frigga’s golden face split into a warm smile. “Thank you, Darcy Lewis. Your kindness will be a great comfort to my son, I am sure.” She turned back to Loki. “Is this really what you want, Loki? To stay on Midgard?”

Loki gulped. “I think it would be best.”

“Then stay. And when your father awakes, you shall come back to Asgard and we will all talk together. You may ask him all your questions then.”

She turned before she could see his expression. It had relaxed for a few seconds after Darcy had invited him to stay on Earth, but the rigid tension slammed back into place with mention of his dad. Thor motioned to Fandral, who hesitated for a moment, but returned to the rune circle without a word. Frigga stood between the two blonde men, and Thor put his hand on Frigga’s shoulder before shouting to Heimdall again.

“Well,” said Jane, barely containing her hysteria, “I think that was a successful day.” She grinned at Darcy, her face almost breaking. Then she looked around. “Hey…where’s the van?”

***

In the end, Loki teleported Darcy back to the van and they drove to collect Jane, Erik and all the equipment. Jane sat in the front, surrounded by notes scribbled on scraps of paper, which made Darcy’s fingers itch - so damn disorganised! Darcy had playlists for every mood, a separate notebook for each class in college, and while her clothes currently lived in a floordrobe rather than a wardrobe, the piles were in _very specific_ places. She still held out hope that some of her organisational skills would rub off on Jane for her sake - she’d seen her in tears over too many papers because of losing one or two vital data points, found much later on the backs of receipts, or post it notes stuck to the kitchen floor. Once, Jane had even scribbled frantic notes in sharpie on the coffee table before Darcy could find a piece of paper to put between the pen and the wood.

Erik and Loki were sitting in the back of the van, not talking to each other. Loki was staring out of the window, determinedly not letting his eyes travel anywhere near Erik, while in contrast Erik was glaring daggers at the guy until Darcy dropped him off at his hotel. She pretended not to notice when Loki let out a quiet sigh of relief, his shoulders slumping for the rest of the drive back.

“Loki, please, _please_ let me pick your brain?” Jane grabbed Loki’s arm with both hands and dragged him straight out of the car into the sitting room. 

Darcy shook her head and started boiling water and ripping open packs of three minute tortelloni. “No point arguing, Lokes, she won’t listen to anything except science!”

“I know very little about your mortal science,” he began, almost nervous. “Much of what you do and say has a parallel to our magic, but there will be many translation issues.”

Jane waved that away. “Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic, like Arthur C Clarke says. We’ll figure it out. I’m not missing this chance to interview a real, actual sentient and intelligent alien life form!”

Loki laughed. “Your view of aliens is as something from other planets in space, is that correct?” Jane nodded. “Well, then I am not exactly an alien. The Nine Realms lie in a separate plane of existence to Midgard. If you imagine outer space existing along one two dimensional axis, you could say that Yggdrasil lies perpendicular to that, with Midgard - Earth - the intersecting point between the two.”

Darcy heard Jane gasp and looked up to see Loki projecting a glowing green image over the table. “Holy shit you guys! Don’t leave me out!” She dumped the pasta into a colander and then a bowl, threw the stir in sauce over it and brought the plastic bowl out with three forks instead of bothering to serve it separately. She plonked it down on the table and gazed, wide eyed, at the green and gold tree, branches and roots visible above and below a shimmering disc. At the junction of the disc and the tree lay a globe with Earth’s continents clearly visible. “Loki…this is beautiful.”

“No kidding.” Jane sounded just as awed as she did. “Loki, will this show up on a photo or something?”

“It should, although I do not really understand how your cameras collect the images.”

Jane started snapping photos from every angle, and Darcy noticed she already had a dictaphone recording on the table. “Why don’t you just video him, Jane?”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea. Loki, can you talk us through this please?”

Loki leaned forwards, pointing out Earth in the centre as Darcy had figured, then four discs in the branches of the tree - Asgard, Alfheim, Vanaheim and Muspelheim. Jotunheim, Svartalfheim, Niflheim and Helheim lay in the roots - and Darcy decided that she should never try to pronounce any of those names. Unless she wanted to really annoy some Vikings. And judging by Thor’s snooty-ass friends, she might just get that opportunity. Loki was reluctant to explain exactly how the Bifrost worked, but Jane went over some of the theories of Einstein-Rosen bridges and he gave her a few subtle clues. Just that was enough to make her giddy, and when her camera ran out of memory space she hugged him tight and kissed his cheek almost violently before racing off to her lab space.

“She’ll be in there sciencing all night,” Darcy told the shocked looking Norse god on her sofa. He seemed not to hear her, just rubbed his face and leant back. He looked younger than her just then, but come to think of it… “How old are you, anyway?”

Loki turned to her, one eyebrow raised. “Just over a thousand years.”

“Fuuuck,” she breathed. “But is that, like, the same kind of time measurement as ours?” 

He nodded. “We are on a different plane of existence, but tightly connected to Midgard. Our concepts of time are the same, we just live a lot longer than you.”

“How long?”

“My...the Allfather is coming up to five thousand years old, and he is only just considering passing the duties of the throne on.” Loki frowned, and she felt a bit bad for bringing up all his family drama.

“Do you want to talk about it?” She slid down on the sofa next to him and rubbed his shoulder. 

He shook his head, then puffed out a long breath. “I just don’t know who I am any more. I have defined myself as Odin’s second son for so long, and now, to find I am not simply adopted, but the son of my father’s greatest enemy...I do not know what to think, who to be.” Darcy leaned right into him and wrapped her arms around him, rubbing his chest and back, just letting him speak. “And I can’t help feeling that this is all my fault, my final punishment for all my tricks. I have been a terrible son, disobedient, unruly, nothing like the son Asgard deserves, and...and I found all of this out while I was trying to sabotage my brother’s coronation - I cannot help but feel that this would never have happened if I had been good, if I had done what was expected of me. Stayed in the shadows as a second son should. Maybe if I’d worked harder on my combat training, built up my battle skills instead of working on my _seidr_ , then I would still be an Odinson.” He gulped, and she realised with a lump in her own throat that he was crying. “Your Erik was right, I am like the devil in our society. I trick people, I cheat, and I just cannot seem to do what I’m told. And now I’m taking comfort from you, selfishly, and you do not even know the worst of me.”

He shrugged out of her embrace and stood up to face her, breath hitching, and rubbed his wet cheeks. “What are you doing, Loki? You don’t have to tough this out. You need to get this all off your chest and I’m here to listen. C’mere and have a hug again, it sounds like you need it.”

But Loki shook his head and stood straighter. “I will do one thing unselfishly, Darcy Lewis. I will show you the worst, and tell you the worst, and then you will realise I do not deserve your kindness and sympathy.” He took a deep breath and closed his pretty green eyes, and she tried to stop her lips from curling into a smile at his dramatics. “I travelled to Jotunheim, offered to show the Frost Giants the way into Asgard. I was planning to let them into the weapons vaults on the day of my brother’s coronation.”

“OK,” Darcy shrugged.

He opened his eyes wide. “But...but I was going to let _Jotnar_ into the _weapons vaults_ , all because I was jealous of Thor and father would not listen when I told him Thor was not ready!”

Darcy shrugged again. “Look, maybe this is something that would make your Viking buddies flip a lid, but I don’t really give a shit. Yeah, it sounds stupid, and sure it was childish…”

“The Jotnar could have killed someone, there could have been a war!”

“Well then, it’s lucky you see where you’ve gone wrong. Are you going to do it again? I didn’t think so.” She knew she was being flippant. She knew if she was in their society this would probably have been a terrible thing for him to do. It sounded like a pretty dangerous plan. But she _wasn’t_ an Asgardian, and that meant her priority was that her friend - OK, yeah, the guy she was crushing on pretty badly - was having an emotional breakdown and needed to see that he wasn’t a monster.

Loki was still spluttering at her, still breathing heavily. All of a sudden he stopped, his face crumpling into a pained grimace, flexed his fists, and he was blue.

“Woah!”

“Now you see me. Now you see my true face. You have been kind enough to be polite about my appearance, but even that pathetic shadow is too good for my true self. I am the monster parents tell their children about at night. Look at me!”

“I’m totally looking, Lokes, and I’m not seeing anything wrong.”

Loki opened and shut his mouth, red eyes blinking, then welling up with cloudy tears. “Hey, hey, honey, it’s OK, I’m sorry for making light of it.” 

Darcy ran up to him, hands out to touch his cheek. He jerked back at the first contact, gasping. “Darcy, no, my skin will burn you!”

“It’s OK, you didn’t. You’re chilly, but, you know, I bet not so cold that my tongue would stick if I licked you...uh, woah, OK, inappropriate,” she giggled.

“I do not understand,” he whispered, white tears flowing again as his spine slumped. He flinched when she wrapped her arms around him, but didn’t move away. She gently tugged him over to the sofa, and they sat down, but he leaped up again. 

“What is it? What’s up?” She turned to follow his gaze to the leather of the sofa. “Holy shit!” There was a hand shaped burn in the material.

“That is what happened to my armour and my vambraces when Byleistr touched them…” he murmured.

“Woah, Loki, why are you blue?” The two of them turned to see Jane coming out of the lab, her coffee cup in hand.

“Frost Giant thing,” Darcy called.

Jane walked up to them and reached a finger out to touch Loki’s cheek, then yelped. “Woah, you really are cold! Owww.”

Darcy stared at Jane’s finger, a worryingly white patch at the very tip surrounded by angry red inflammation. “Dude, you got frostbite.”

“I barely touched him. And you’re holding his hand!”

Darcy looked down. “So I am. What’s that about, Lokes?”

“I...I know not. I know very little about the Jotnar, apart from their ability to freeze Aesir skin. I apologise, Jane, I thought when Darcy could touch me that humans may have been immune to the effect, but it appears…” he turned a deeper indigo, and Darcy wondered if that was what a Jotun blush looked like. So _damn cute!_ He immediately turned back to his caucasian self and reached out for Jane’s hand. “May I?” Jane held out her sore finger, raising an eyebrow. “I am not a skilled healer, but I can cure this.” He cradled her hand in his, and a green glow lit their faces up.

“Wow,” Jane breathed, and wiggled her fingers. “It’s completely fine. Thanks, Loki.”

“It was my fault in the first place,” he bowed. It made Darcy smile. He had started using American slang within the first few days at work around the town, but she liked that he settled back into his usual formal speech with her and Jane. It was like he trusted them enough to accept his old fashioned mannerisms. And now she hoped he felt could trust her with his other quirks. 

Jane took her coffee back to the lab, still flexing her fingers every few minutes. Darcy turned back to Loki. “Don’t suppose you can fix the couch too, huh?”

Loki’s face dropped as he looked at the brittle, black handprint. “I am afraid not.” His lower lip was jutting out a little in an adorable pout, and she gave him a hug to stop herself from teasing him about it.

“Don’t worry, it’s Loki-dokey.” He rolled his eyes and a ghost of a smile flickered over his lips. She pulled him down next to her and wrapped her arms around him again.

“Why are you still being kind to me?” He whispered. “How can you accept such a monster?”

She snorted. “What, you think you’re a monster because you can be all blue and chilly when you choose to be? A monster is made by their actions, not their appearance. I really need you to read Frankenstein, we need a talk about who the real monster in that book was. Actually, I think we need to watch Monsters Inc first. Yeah, definitely that. But Loki,” she said, putting her finger under his chin to lift his face up. “You know you didn’t look scary at all, right? You just looked like a blue you.”

He moved out of her grip and tucked his face in her shoulder, his long body curled up to fit against her. Darcy took a deep breath. “And you know, I find you pretty irresistible whether you’re blue or white.”

He slowly pulled back to look at her again, a slight frown between his eyes. Darcy gulped, not sure if she’d ruined everything. “You find me…”

“Gorgeous.”

He blinked, and she closed the few inches between them to kiss him at the corner of his lips, a soft, gentle brush. His eyes were shut and he’d turned into her touch slightly when she pulled back, and when he opened his eyes to stare into hers, his intensity nearly burned. “How could someone as beautiful as you look upon me with favour?”

Darcy laughed. “Seriously?” Her chuckles died when she saw he still had that intense look. Yes, it was a serious question. She stroked his cheek. “I like your eyes. Hell, I love your eyes. They’re this crazy beautiful shade of green, like you’ve got two gems instead of irises.” She leaned into his space again to kiss both his eyelids, and heard him take a slight breath as her lips brushed the first one. “I like your hair. It’s so soft, and shiny, and so dark, but it’s got this iridescence in the light, like a magpie’s feathers.” She ran her fingernails along his scalp and kissed his forehead, along his hairline, as he tilted into her caress. “I love your cheekbones, those things could cut glass.” She kissed them high on his face, underneath each eye. “I love your dimples, total cliche. But when you smile like you’re thinking something really mischievous, your dimples make me go kinda weak at the knees.” He didn’t smile, but she kissed him where she knew they would appear if he had. “I like your lips, too. They make this straight line, right across, like it was made with a ruler.” And she leaned forward, one thumb still stroking his cheek while her fingers sank into his hair, and kissed him on the lips.

He groaned when she pressed her lips against his, and she felt them part, his tongue running across her bottom lip. She turned her head to the side, wrapped her arms more tightly around his neck and deepened the kiss, her tongue stealing into his mouth. His hands gripped her thighs and lifted her onto his lap. She definitely approved of this new angle, and pressed her body as close to his as she could. His hands squeezed around her waist and hips, not nearly hard enough to hurt, even though she knew he could have crushed her if he wanted to. 

A sudden clang from Jane’s lab made both of them startle and pull back, breathing deeper. Darcy looked at his flushed cheeks and blown pupils, and how his eyes fluttered closed when she shifted on his lap. 

“Bedroom?” 

He nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooh look, no cliffhangers for a change!
> 
> So...uh...I might have stayed up til 1am the other night with an idea for a sequel to this fic...and then wrote the plan for said sequel which lead me to thinking up a third part... _what have I got myself into?!_


	6. Heaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introducing a bit more Norse mythology, and SHIELD

Waking up next to Darcy Lewis could not possibly have been real. Loki lay still next to her, begging the Norns to let him carry on sleeping so he could dream of her a bit longer. Her soft brown curls spread out over the pillow like flames, a strand flickering in her breath. Her full lips were slightly parted, and remembering the feel of them upon his sent warm shivers across his back.

Her eyelids flickered, and for a moment he panicked, wondering what she would think if she woke up to find him staring at her. Would she regret taking him to her bed? He couldn’t bear to see disdain in those wide blue eyes. He shut his own, heart beating loud enough for her to hear, surely, and forced his breath to stay level as she moved, shifting them both on the air bed. 

His eyes snapped open when he felt her fingers in his hair. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up,” she whispered. “Go back to sleep if you like.”

He shook his head, his heart swelling to twice its usual size. She had touched him! She didn’t regret it, didn’t hate him! He leaned forward and kissed her gently on those perfect, full lips, skin tingling as she hummed happily against his face. He wondered if he had died on Jotunheim and gone to Valhalla, only with less feasting, fewer Aesir and more mortals. More Darcy. His own personal heaven. He could cope with this kind of afterlife.

***

Jane and Selvig were eating breakfast surrounded by papers and notes when they emerged. Jane whooped, but Selvig glared at Loki, sending a wave of guilt through him. He did not think Loki was worthy of Darcy, and Loki knew he was right. He was just too selfish to let her go, and he squeezed her hand in a wordless apology. 

“I have questions for our so-called god,” said Erik, after they’d all eaten their cereal.

Jane groaned. “Leave him alone, Erik, he’s not doing any harm.”

“Jane, if there is already some truth in the old myths, I want to know what else is real. He causes Ragnarok, for god’s sake! I want to know if we’re facilitating the apocalypse here.”

Loki’s eyes snapped up to Erik. “You mentioned Ragnarok before. What do you mean?”

Erik frowned, somewhat taken aback. “In Norse mythology Loki leads the Frost Giants into battle on Asgard. One son Fenrir kills Odin, his other son Jormungandir kills Thor, and Loki and Heimdall kill each other.”

Loki felt the blood draining from his face. Lead the Frost Giants into Asgard? He had nearly done just that. He felt light headed. What if the tales on Midgard were some sort of prophecy? 

He shook himself. “I have no sons,” he began. “And Fenrir and Jormungandir were pets, I...I was not allowed to keep them. They were considered dangerous, Fath...the Allfather killed them.” 

His heart ached. He had been forced to watch as first Jor, when he was a child, and then Fen when he was an adolescent, were beheaded in front of him. Darcy rubbed his arm, and he smiled gratefully at her. Thor had tried to comfort him after Jor was taken. Everyone said they were vicious, evil creatures, but Jor would never have hurt anyone, especially not Thor. Perhaps Fenrir had been truly dangerous, but Tyr had encouraged Loki to train him as a Direwolf, a creature of battle. Tyr had almost been as distraught as Loki when Fen was killed, and had stood on Loki’s right while Thor stood on his left, backs straight for their shield-brother’s execution.

Selvig was frowning. “What if these are prophecies, though? Fenrir and Jormungandir were cast out of Asgard in the stories as well.”

Loki gulped. He had hoped nobody else would think of the prophecy idea. Then he frowned. “But our people used to visit Midgard before it was forbidden. Heimdall has told me many tales of journeys to the Northmen, and the old warriors are proud that so many of their antics made it into the legends of the time.”

“But you said you’d never been to Earth before.” Loki shook his head. “Maybe there’s another Loki, maybe you were named after him.”

“And another Thor? And another wolf called Fenrir, a snake called Jormungandir? I have never read of any other Loki, and I thought my names for my pets were unique.”

“They’re supposed to be your sons, with the giant Angrboda. You were also meant to have a daughter, Hel.”

Loki laughed in surprise. “The Lady Hel is a myth. She is supposed to be the Queen of Helheim, ruler of the land of the dead, but she is not real.” Then his smile disappeared. “Angrboda...she was my friend, though. I found her in a cave on the mountains, not long before I came of age. We spent all our waking hours together. Thor was always with his friends, being already of age, and for years she was my closest companion. We practiced magic together...that's how they found us. Thor and Volstagg came to investigate the green and red flashes from our _seidr_ , and their noise distracted me. One of Angrboda’s bolts struck me...they thought she had attacked.” Loki’s breath stuttered in his chest as he remembered. “I woke up a week later. They said she was a Frost Giant, told me she had tricked me to get closer to the throne. They...Odin killed her while I was in the healing rooms, and I was punished for my foolishness...I...I hated her for a century. I blamed her. It took so long for me to remember her kindness.”

Darcy’s arms wrapping around his neck startled him out of his reverie, and he wiped his tears away, ashamed. “Your dad sounds like a dick, Loki.”

He tightened his arms around her. “He is the king, the ruler of the Nine Realms. He did what was needed to keep Asgard safe.” Loki repeated his mother’s words, as he had done many times to himself when the bitterness threatened to overwhelm him.

“But he was your _father_ , that should have counted for something.”

“No,” Loki smiled softly, stroking her cheek, “he wasn’t.”

“He told you he was, so he should have damn well acted like it, instead of _killing_ all of your best friends and pets.”

Loki wrapped his arms around Darcy again, sighing into her hair, then checked his watch. “I’ve got to get to Isabel’s for the lunch time shift.” He kissed Darcy’s temple, smiled at Jane, nodded at Selvig and pulled a light coat on to run out of the car dealership into the dusty street. His mind was whirling with everything that had happened in the last twenty four hours, and seeing the rest of the world carry on like normal was disorienting. He had never had such anonymity. In Asgard his indiscretions had been aired and punished in front of the court once he had reached a certain age, and as he walked through the town without everyone staring at him and whispering behind their hands, it felt like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. There was a part of him elated at his reprieve, at having seen his mother, at having the truth aired in front of Thor with no consequences other than a few angry glares. At having Darcy. But Odin would eventually wake, and the thought of what he would do when he called Loki back to Asgard, was like an executioner sharpening his blade in the corner, just out of eyesight. He should be praying for the Allfather’s health, but he was a selfish creature, and so he prayed instead for a mortal lifetime with Darcy safe by his side and under no threat from his adopted father, who put Frost Giants to death for living in Asgard.

***

The weeks passed in much the same way as the first day after his big reveal. Under the name of Loki Walker, he worked at Isabel’s, and treated his friends to food at the diner with his staff discount. Even Selvig started to warm up to him slightly, when he visited every few weeks. Loki took extra shifts at the 7/11, and Darcy would meet him after his daytime shifts to help carry groceries home, even though she knew he didn’t need it. They sat on deckchairs on the roof and watched the stars. Sometimes Jane joined them and pointed out the unfamiliar constellations, and he made projections of the skies of Asgard for her. She would take notes for hours before remembering she was supposed to be the third wheel, yawning loudly and excusing herself. Then Darcy and Loki would cuddle up under a blanket and talk, or fall asleep, or tumble down the stairs pulling each others’ clothes off.

He was walking back from the 7/11 one afternoon, smiling and using his _seidr_ to replay a song Darcy had played him the previous night. 

_we built our getaway up in a tree we found, we felt so far away, but we were still in town_

They had danced to the music slowly, her body pressed close to his, his head dipped slightly to press his nose against her temple.

“I can’t just pick up replacements from RadioShack! I made most of that equipment myself!”

The music cut out instantly and Loki’s head snapped up to see Jane and Selvig arguing with a slightly built man in a black suit. All around them people were loading Jane’s equipment and documents into trucks and vans. Loki raced over to them. “What is the meaning of this?”

“They’re taking everything, they haven’t even told us why!”

“This is for the best, Ms Foster. We’re the good guys.”

Jane moved in front of the man, waving her notebook. “So are we! We’re on the verge of understanding something extraordinary. Everything I know about this phenomenon is in this lab and in this book, and no-one has the right to take it from me.”

One of the men took her book as he walked past. Jane stared at him, open mouthed. 

Loki caught Darcy’s eye and winked, then left a double behind while he turned invisible and slipped into one of the vans, holding on to the bars so he could stand and not take up a seat, which would be too easily noticed. The black clad men chattered aimlessly about superiors and arrangements for dinner as the van started moving with a jolt. 

The drive was long, and his fingers began to tingle gripping the aluminium above his head. The rush of adrenaline had abated, and boredom set in. At first he entertained himself by tickling the more obnoxious ones behind the ear, but by the time they slowed and passed through checkpoints, he was more personally invested in the secret romance between the two men closest to him, trying to hide their subtle touches and deliberately not talking directly to each other. Nothing anyone said was in any way helpful, all of them just ants in this large organisation, so he focused on tapping one when the other was staring, getting them to notice each other’s gaze. It took the last part of the drive through the winding camp to trick them into holding hands and sharing loving glances. 

As soon as he could leave the van without touching anyone he did, and looked around for the small, suited man. He spotted him on the other side of the vast, cave-like building, and now he had a site in mind was able to teleport close to him. The man was observant, that much was clear. Loki knew he hadn’t made any noise, but he was sure he had turned to look straight into his eyes for a moment.

He followed the man as he talked to one of his soldiers, a blonde who carried a complicated bow and arrow, and listened as they walked through the facility. It seemed like they had picked up on the atmospheric disturbances due to the Bifrost almost two months ago. He wondered what had taken so long for them to find Jane and her data. But then on a realm as large as Midgard it would take some effort to keep track of all the strange goings on, and even longer to link a certain event with a discredited astrophysicist building her own equipment out of a converted car dealership and a camper van. 

The men, who addressed each other as Coulson and Barton, turned to a window overlooking a cavernous room, filled with boxes, piles of documents, strange weaponry and machines. Men were still bringing Jane’s equipment in from another entrance, and Loki cursed himself for his poor decision. He had followed the wrong men. He tried to teleport into the room, but the moment he groped for the threads in the fabric of reality, his head bumped into something, as if he’d tried to walk through a pane of glass. He rubbed the bridge of his nose and tried again, panic rising. How was he being blocked from Yggdrasil? He took calming breaths. This must be some local trick. He would not accept that he had lost the ability to step onto the branches of the world tree. He was the sky-walker, the only one to use the ancient ash to traverse the realms, and he would not lose another facet of his identity. He gritted his teeth instead and leaped over the railing and onto the walkway below, racing along and around the corner to find the door into the huge storage room, just as the last soldier left, the door slamming behind him.

Loki skidded to a stop, cursing silently, before taking a moment to investigate the security measures. Iris recognition software. _That_ was going to be a bit of a problem. He could shape shift to a certain extent - he could turn into anything as long as it was still _Loki_ , but his eyes always stayed the same green. He had never been able to change his eye colour, and as a fox, a magpie, a woman or a salmon, he still had the same emerald eyes. With the exception of his Frost Giant form, when his whole eye, sclera and iris, was blood red. Yet another reason to just _love_ his Jotun self.

Loki bit the side of his thumbnail and considered his options. He could always steal an eye, but spending time with these delicate mortals made the thought a lot less palatable than it would have been in the past. He wouldn’t have thought twice about ripping out an eyeball in his centuries of adventure with Thor and the other fools who got themselves captured about half the time and needed Loki to break them out. But that was among creatures with life spans and strength and healing powers to match the Aesir, while the mayfly beings on Earth would probably die from the blood loss, or suffer a broken skull from his fingers as they snatched the organ out.

And anyway, there was no guarantee he would get an eyeball with the right clearance level.

It was Darcy’s computer lessons that gave Loki the idea. She’d been explaining simple coding over the last week or so. Perhaps he could convince the computer that it recognised Loki’s true eye. It was certainly less likely to raise the alarm than holding up a selection of stolen eyeballs to the screen. He allowed himself to become visible, and stared into the sensor, letting his _seidr_ trickle into the electronics, stroking the lines of code and flirting with them until they accepted that he was a friend, and the door clicked open. He grinned, a sharp, vicious thing, thanked the computer, and slipped inside. He left the door open, just in case someone had noticed his trick, and looked around the storage room. Luckily, Jane’s equipment was close to the entrance, and he set to work tucking the more delicate or important pieces into his pocket dimension. He didn’t want to be too obvious, or waste too much _seidr_ , so he limited himself to the microwave array she seemed particularly fond of, the battered old laptop, and her precious notebook, the last thing that the agents had snatched from her. He was turning to leave when he spotted Darcy’s iPod, and there was really no question about that. It slipped into storage along with the rest, and he turned himself invisible as he stepped back out of the door, allowing it to close behind him again.

It took him a while to get out of the base. He saw Coulson again, who again seemed like he could sense him through his invisibility. But as he ran out into the night air he felt a familiar brush against his senses. Heart pounding and muttering a prayer to the Norns, he reached for the folds of space and slipped between them, as if his ability had never been in doubt. A grin split his face as he stood on the silver bark of Yggdrasil and got his bearings, finding his way back to Puente Antiguo and his friends. He slipped back into the world in the kitchen, right behind Jane, who turned and screamed when she saw him. He was too relieved at having his world walking abilities back and grinned cheekily down at the tiny woman as she punched him on the shoulder.

“Loki, where the hell have you been? You were standing there, and then Darcy went to give you a hug and you just dissolved into thin air, what the hell?”

“I thought you might want this?” he said, and twisted his wrist, holding her journal up between two fingers.

Jane screamed again and grabbed the notebook, brown hair bouncing as she jumped up and down and hugged it. She turned to him and wrapped her arms around his ribs, face pressed into his sternum, and he laughed, patting her head. “Oh my god, Loki, you’re my hero, thank you so much!”

He raised an eyebrow as she stepped back, checking through her precious book to make sure everything was there, and twisted his wrists again. “I was not able to carry everything, but I thought your laptop and this machine would be the most important to you?”

“Where the hell are you keeping that? How is that possible?”

“Pocket dimension.”

Jane looked like she might faint. “A pocket _dimension?_ And…and you didn’t _tell_ me…oh my god…” She stroked her equipment, staring between him and her stuff. “I so want my Geiger counter to take radiation readings, see if it’s affected by cosmic rays in a _freaking pocket dimension_. Loki, do you have any idea how many laws of physics you’re just breaking by _existing?_ ”

“If I do not know the laws, I can claim ignorance and avoid punishment,” he grinned, and she huffed a laugh. 

Loki turned to Darcy, who quirked her lips at him. “You’ve just saved us all from a wild goose chase after the SHIELD agents, Mischief.”

He held her gaze and twisted his hands one last time, her iPod appearing between them. “I thought you might have missed this,” he said softly. 

Darcy’s eyes widened behind her glasses and she clutched her iPod to her chest. “Oh my god, I thought this was gone for ever!” She looked up at him, and he would have chased any number of SHIELD agents across any number of continents for her to look at him like that again. “Thank you, Loki.” She stood on tiptoes, and kissed him softly on the lips.

Jane cleared her throat. “Well, if you two are going to make out _again_ , I’d better find somewhere safe to hide these before the Men in Black come back for them.” She winked and picked her laptop and notebook up, ready to leave.

“Jane, wait.” Loki picked up a red cloth bag from the back of a chair, something the women used for grocery shopping. He closed his eyes and muttered a spell, letting his _seidr_ flow into the seams of the material, swelling the space inside it and inflating a fragment of space-time to form a little bubble on the underside of Yggdrasil. He held it out to her. “I know it is too small for most of your machines, but this should take your laptop and notebook. Place them inside, and when you wish to retrieve them, visualise the object while your hands both rest inside the bag. They will come when bidden.”

Jane took the bag, lower jaw hanging open. “Darcy, would you be really insulted if I kissed your boyfriend?”

Darcy laughed and waved at them. “Go ahead, I’d probably find it kinda hot.”

Loki raised both eyebrows at her and blushed like an adolescent, going even redder when Jane jumped up and pressed a hard kiss to his cheek. Darcy’s delighted peal of laughter was worth every bit of embarrassment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So at first I thought of following the Thor movie timeline and bringing Coulson along immediately, but then I realised that the thing that brought them to Puente Antiguo in the first place was Mjolnir, and that's not here...hence the two month gap. But it worked in my favour because Loki and Darcy get to strengthen their bond a bit more so yay :) 
> 
> Obviously there are some lines in this chapter (and previous ones, for that matter...) that come from the Thor movie, and there's also Loki's line about being able to change into anything as long as it's _Loki_ which I got from the beautiful Agent of Asgard comics. 
> 
> And the song Loki's playing is Do You Remember by Jack Johnson :)
> 
> And yes, I will deal with why exactly Odin is such a dick in this AU.


	7. How to Lose a God in Ten Minutes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would just like to say...I'm very sorry for this whole chapter...only obviously not nearly sorry enough!

“I’m pregnant.”

Loki’s face drained of colour and he staggered back down against the sofa. “You are sure?”

Darcy rolled her eyes, using snark to cover up her own panic. One of them had to be an adult about this, though she wasn’t sure which one. “No, Lokes, I’m just guessing for shits and giggles.” She relented when she saw his huge eyes. “We have pregnancy tests on Earth. You can tell in pretty much the first month.” She rubbed her face, trying to dispel the buzzing under her skin. “I know we were careful, but no birth control’s a hundred percent effective.”

“I…I cannot…this is…Darcy, this is terrible. I will be a terrible father. How can I possibly…”

“Hey, calm down, Baby Daddy. I’ve come to terms with it, so will you. It’ll be fine, we’ll help each other.” She gave him a quirky grin. “We’ll be awesome. This kid’s gonna be, like, a demigod, isn’t it? You’ll be a great dad.”

Loki just shook his head, his eyes still wide, and his breathing still coming too fast. “I do not think I can…”

Darcy clenched her hands into fists. She couldn’t deny that she hadn’t considered the possibility of this kind of reaction, but she’d hoped that a thousand year old deity might have a bit more understanding of the consequences than some college student after a one night stand. “You don’t think you can do this? _You_ don’t think you can do this? Well, fuck you buddy. I can do this by myself.”

“Darcy…”

“No, you listen to me, Loki. If you don’t want to be part of this then you can fuck off, go find another mortal to listen to your sob stories and be as much of a shitty father to your child as yours was to you. God, I can’t believe I thought you’d be different!” She grabbed her coat and shoved the door open so hard that it banged on the outside of the building, leaving Loki spluttering behind her.

***

He was gone by the time she came back. She tried to keep the anger up, keep it fuelling the fires so she could keep moving, listening to her angriest soundtracks.

_i am the fire, i am burning brighter, roaring like a storm and i am the one i’ve been waiting for_

If she stopped feeling angry she’d just be scared, and she couldn’t be scared now. She was going to be a Mommy. Jane had figured it out by the next morning, though. She came up to her as she was banging the coffee mugs around and swearing at the taps, and gave her a hug. Darcy had gone completely rigid, then slumped in the shorter girl’s arms and sobbed her heart out. Real ugly crying. She even had to take her glasses off before they got covered in snot and mascara.

“Come over here,” Jane said, pulling her towards the sofa and letting Darcy lie against her boobs and sniffle. “What’s going on? Did you and Loki have a fight?”

“I don’t think there is a me and Loki any more.”

“Oh, honey, I bet you guys can sort it out. If you want to, that is.”

Darcy shook her head. “It’s not just…oh hell. I’m pregnant.”

Jane was quiet for a moment, the hand rubbing her back went still. “Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“And Loki —“

“Flipped out and had a panic attack. I yelled at him and walked out, he was doing that fucking cliche thing of ‘oh, I don’t think I can do this’, and I just couldn’t bear to hear it, you know? Anyway, by the time I got back he was gone.”

Jane tightened her arms around Darcy and kissed the top of her head. “What do you want to do now?”   
“I’m keeping it.” Darcy’s voice was hard, and oh, there was the anger and the strength back again. “My mom had me by herself when she was seventeen, everyone was trying to tell her to get an abortion or give it up for adoption. She left her family, her home town, everything she knew, and she was a kickass mom. I’m starting from a much better place than she is, and I want to do her proud.”

Jane pulled back to look at Darcy, a sad smile on her pretty pixie face. “You know I’ll help you out, huh? I’ll babysit and everything, I can be the cool auntie who lets them stay up late and teaches them the names of all the stars.”

Darcy smiled back, lips wobbling. “Who are you kidding? You’ll let them stay up late because you’ll be so caught up sciencing.”

Jane pursed her lips and shrugged. “True.”

The door clunked, and Erik arrived, shaking his jacket off and nodding to the girls. “Everything OK? Darcy?”

Darcy smiled and went to give him a hug. She could do with as many of those as they were willing to give her right now. “I’m brokering a babysitting deal with Jane. Want in?”

Erik grabbed her shoulders and pushed her back, eyes wide. What was it with men and the dramatic negative reactions? “You…? You’re…?”

“Pregnant, yeah.”

“Where is that fucker? I swear to god, Darcy, I will beat the shit out of him, god or no god.”

“N’aww, thanks, Erik.” Darcy patted his cheek. “You get all Scandinavian when you’re mad.”

“He’s pretty Scandinavian as it is,” Jane snorted.

“Yeah, but your accent gets thicker.” She sighed. “It’s OK, Erik, he’s gone. He couldn’t cope. I can, though.”

“Are you sure, Darcy? What about school —“

“Nuh-uh, nope, we’re not having that conversation. If I need to I’ll take a year off. I’m like eighteen months away from graduation, and then I can get a good job in Amnesty international and my kid’s going to be well provided for and proud of their Mommy.”

“They’ll be proud of you no matter what, Darcy.” Jane stood and gripped Darcy’s shoulder, and she felt her eyes beginning to leak again.

“Oh, you guys.”

“Come on, let’s talk about some good stuff. When are you due?”

Darcy sniffed and pasted a smile on her face, cleaning her glasses so she could see again. “Beginning of September. A harvest baby.”

“Any ideas for names?” 

The three of them sat around the table, Erik still looking grim. Darcy ignored him and focused on laughing at Jane’s positivity. “I’ve only just found out I’m pregnant, dude!”

Jane grinned too. “Jane’s a great name for a girl.”

“Uh-huh, sure it is. Well, I sure won’t be passing on my middle name.”

“Everyone hates their middle names.”

“Mine’s worse than usual. You can tell Mom named me by herself - it’s Xena!”

Jane threw her head back and whooped with laughter, but Erik turned pale. “Signe?” He pronounced it _see-nyah_.

“No, Xena, as in the warrior princess. My mom was a fan. Signe, isn’t that French for sign?”

“Yes…it’s also a derivation of Sigyn.” He was still looking pale, but Darcy just shrugged. 

“Never heard of it.”

“No...it’s old Norse.”

“Oh, definitely not. The last thing we need is anything that sounds even vaguely Viking.” Darcy kept her smile wide to hide the ache. She was absolutely not going to miss him.

“I guess Ethelred the Unready is off the table then,” Jane said, instead of trying to talk about feelings, and as Darcy giggled she felt a warm glow of affection for her boss-lady. 

"Not necessarily, dude. Pretty sure he was Anglo-Saxon." 

She could do this. She would go visit her mom that weekend, tell her everything, probably cry a lot more, and then she’d get ready to raise a tiny human as a single mother, but not by herself.

The sudden crack of the coffee table breaking made Darcy yelp. They turned to see a figure crouched over the splintered wood, his clothes smoking and stinking of burnt leather. “Loki? What the hell?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is I am the Fire by Halestorm...and I promise the next chapter will be longer and involve at least two thirds of Loki's brothers!


	8. Protection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How did Loki end up all battered and burnt?

_“If you don’t want to be part of this then you can fuck off, go find another mortal to listen to your sob stories and be as much of a shitty father to your child as yours was to you.”_

Loki’s breath was coming too fast. His heart beat too loud in his chest, and he couldn’t get the words out, his silver tongue was failing again right when it was needed. He wanted to throw himself on the floor at Darcy’s feet, beg her to listen, beg her to hear. The thought of the chaos he would bring to a child’s life overwhelmed him, threatened to pull him under. What if he hurt them? What if he didn’t know how to keep them safe? The door slammed behind Darcy, and he curled up, his head touching his knees. Odin had still to awaken and set his punishment. How could he keep his child safe if he was executed, as Angrboda and Svadilfari had been, simply for being Jotun in Asgard?

What if the child was executed because they were his?

The thought was like a shockwave, silencing all his other panic, and Loki stood upright again, clenching his fists. He could not let that happen.

His mind racing, Loki stepped onto Yggdrasil and slipped down to the roots. First he had to ensure Darcy’s safety, starting with the pregnancy. Who knew what sort of danger she could be in as a mortal carrying a Jotun baby? The thought of returning to Jotunheim made him feel ill, but this was no longer about him, and he could not risk taking the long way round, sneaking into the libraries of the higher realms to research the effects, even if such a union had ever occurred. The cold assaulted his skin as he emerged on Jotunheim, casting the invisibility spell over himself. Did this bloody blizzard ever stop?

There were more Jotnar milling around Utgard when Loki arrived, shrouded in invisibility, but he found Byleistr with Gridr in a quiet courtyard. Gridr sat on a bench, stroking Byleistr’s head in his lap, and he was the first to lay eyes on Loki when he made himself visible. Seeing him jump and shove Byleistr on the shoulder, red eyes wide, was calming to Loki. It was such a normal thing, being startled by an unexpected presence, and he was comforted that they were real. Like him.

“Brother,” Byleistr spoke reverentially, as if loud words would make Loki disappear. “You came back.” He looked around, and Gridr moved to the gateway to keep watch, leaning casually against the wall. Byleistr pulled Loki to the corner and knelt down to look him in the eye. “I’m glad to see you, Little Brother.”

Loki took a deep breath and let his Jotun skin take over. It was time to get over his own insecurities. His new family was all that mattered, and if that meant being polite to his old family, either one, he would behave. He wasn’t expecting Byleistr’s red eyes to brim with cloudy white tears when he looked up. The giant covered his mouth with his hand, shaking his head. “I cannot say how bittersweet it is to see you alive. We tried to take care of you when your mother died, Helblindi and I, but when the war got worse, Father said we could not…” He trailed off, and Loki was horrified to see his lips trembling. “I am so sorry, Loki.”

“It’s OK, Byleistr.” He reached out and patted Byleistr’s arm gingerly, and the giant pulled him into an embrace. He froze at first, but his birth-brother was more gentle than Thor, and the huge arms that could have crushed him only cradled his body. He patted him again, before pulling back. “I have questions, if you would hear them?” He frowned, suddenly, looking at his clothes, the soft cotton he wore in Midgard. “Why does this not crumble like my armour?” he wondered, almost to himself.

“You do not wear warm skins today, Loki. Our body burns skin, this is…something else. Our furs are from cold bodied beasts of Jotunheim, they resist the effect.”

Loki shook his head to refocus. “Thank you. That is not what I came to ask, actually.” He clenched his fists at his side and gathered his bravery. “I am to have a child, with a mortal.”

Byleistr’s face lit up, and he held Loki’s hands, tiny in his own. “Congratulations, Brother, that is wonderful news! Gridr, too, she is with child!” He gestured to the other giant, who smiled softly at him for a moment before returning his…well, apparently _her_ attention to the space outside the courtyard. Part of Loki’s mind went off on another tangent, trying to work out whether there were any outward differences between male and female Frost Giants, and whether he had at any point insulted her by using the wrong pronouns. 

“I was hoping to gather some information. Because I have thought myself Aesir my whole life,” here Byleistr and Gridr growled, “I do not know what to expect. Is my lover in any danger, carrying a half Jotun child? Is there any way in which the birth and care of the child might be different to a mortal child? I…I just want to do the best for them…”

Both Jotnar nodded. Byleistr started tearing up even more, and Gridr rubbed her belly, which showed no sign of swelling yet. “Of course, Loki. All parents want the best for their children. Before the ways to Midgard were closed to us, there were some relations between mortals and Jotnar. We can find some of the old texts in the library —“  

“You have a library?”

“Of course. The structures are hard to maintain with the loss of the casket, but we keep our tomes safe.” He frowned. “I am concerned about taking you there unseen, though.” Loki grinned and made himself invisible. Byleistr’s eyebrows raised, crinkling his facial markings. “You are indeed gifted, Little Brother. You have your mother’s skills, as well as her stature.”

“My mother?” asked Loki, reappearing. “Was she not yours as well?”

Byleistr looked shifty. “No, Loki…Helblindi and I are the sons of the queen, Geirrodr. You are illegitimate.” 

He looked carefully at Loki, as if waiting for another outburst, but Loki just shrugged, tired. “I only just found out I am the Jotun king’s son. Discovering I am his bastard hardly makes much difference.”

Byleistr nodded and put his hand on Loki’s shoulder again. “Your mother, Farbauti, was a powerful mage, but she died in battle not long after you were born. My older brother and I kept you as well as we could, we tried to keep you hidden, but we were young and foolish. My memories of that time are…poor, but I think I trusted mother, asked her to help us feed you, but she…well, I imagine she did not appreciate your presence as evidence of her husband’s infidelity and she convinced Father to sacrifice you, to bring us victory in the war. I am sorry, Loki, we tried, I swear we tried —“

“It’s OK, Byleistr, really. I do not care for the actions of either of my fathers beyond what they can teach me to avoid as a father myself.” It was not a _complete_ lie. He really did want to focus on his child, at least for now, and hopefully for as long as possible. Byleistr nodded, and he and Gridr led Loki, invisible once more, to the library.

Had Loki known there was such a library on Jotunheim, he would have broken the ban against visiting centuries ago. As it was, all his opinions of the Jotnar as mindless savages, already challenged through knowing Byleistr and Gridr, dissolved at once as he stroked his fingers along the spines of the huge tomes, bound in a soft reptilian leather. Byleistr was as fidgety as Thor in the library, but Gridr guided him to a section on child rearing and pointed out her favourite books, her voice, deeper in tone than her lover’s, soothing in the quiet. Snow fell through broken sections of the roof, but whatever the Jotnar used instead of vellum and parchment was well suited to the environment, and flakes brushed off the surface without smudging the ink. Gridr carried an armful to a table, and Loki leaped up onto a chair, and then turned to sit on the table itself which was too far above the chair’s seat to be comfortable for him. The books were detailed treatises on the care of children from conception through to birth and the coming of age, but while interesting, there was nothing relevant to the children of Jotnar and mortals.

“So, it is true.” 

Loki’s head snapped up to see Helblindi leaning against one of the library stacks, Byleistr hovering anxiously behind him.

“Byleistr told me our little runt had returned. What is it to be, Loki? Another trip to the weapons vault of Asgard?”

Loki felt the blood drain from his face. He had almost forgotten why he had learned of his heritage, and his heart started thumping as he thought of his near betrayal, of not just one brother but nearly three, and a pregnant sister-in-law. He looked at Byleistr. “Byleistr…I’m sorry. I’m sorry, it was to be a trap.” Part of him felt like he deserved Byleistr and Gridr’s fury. His mind flickered along another path, one in which his plan had worked, one in which he had no knowledge of his Jotun skin, no gentle giant brother. No Darcy. He should stay to receive his rightful punishment, but he had to protect Darcy and the child at any cost. Fumbling behind his back for the folds in the universe, he looked up one last time to see Byleistr’s face, hard jawed, with hurt in his eyes. But as he watched, Byleistr sighed and looked away.

“It is well, Loki. I understand. You could not have known.”

Loki froze, looking between the three Jotnar. Gridr still glared at him. No, he could not have known, but now he did know, and he felt the phantom pain of a life lived without them, a life in which he had tricked and killed them in a fit of jealousy. And how many more had he killed who would have enriched his life, had he only found some common ground before it was too late?

Helblindi snorted at his two younger brothers. “Sentiment,” he grunted, and the sneer on his face made Loki wonder if this was how he looked when he got sarcastic with Thor. Helblindi threw a book onto the table beside Loki with a thump. “Chapter thirty two.” He turned and left the library without another word, flicking his hand at Byleistr when the taller giant tried to give him pause. Loki lifted the book warily. _Biological Curiosities_. He raised an eyebrow at Byleistr.

“Helblindi has a good heart,” Byleistr said, “but he is to be king. The crown weighs heavy on him already, and he knows without the Casket, things for our people can only get worse. Father has tried to find alternative means to restore the fertility of our world, but no matter what we try, the crops fail, the beasts sicken.” He held Gridr’s hands tenderly. “The babes are…rare, and weak.”

Loki looked at the two in horror. Gridr’s smile, so sad and brave, spoke of too long a history, and he felt the weight of another life become suddenly real to him. He was desperate to keep his own child safe, but Byleistr must feel the same about his baby. How was it fair that Loki had been blessed so thoughtlessly when Byleistr and Gridr could have been trying for years, centuries even? He bit down on his lip hard enough to taste blood. He would find some way to keep his niece or nephew safe too.

He blinked fiercely, turned to chapter thirty two, and gasped. This was perfect! An entire chapter of the quasi-medical text detailing the features of children born to Jotnar and other races. Loki read feverishly, at first skimming the pages for any mention of mortals, then going back over the whole chapter.

“You have found something, Loki?” Gridr asked, and the two walked over to him, leaning over his crossed knees to read the book upside down.

Loki nodded and looked between them, grinning. “It’s all here! It’s going to be fine, there is precedent. There have never been children of full size Jotnar and mortals, of course, but Mage Jotnar - and it explains so much, why Darcy was not burned by my true form…our skin recognises our mate and we cannot harm them!” He was glowing with joy, to know that he was incapable of harming her in at least one way. “And Jotnar offspring are shapeshifters, they respond to the mother’s body. Our child will be completely human until they are born…thank you.” He stood and gripped Byleistr’s shoulders, looking straight into his eyes. Byleistr smiled and wrapped one arm around Loki, the other still on Gridr’s waist. Gridr patted him too. “I cannot apologise enough for…before.”

Gridr shook her head. “I understand, Loki. I am not…pleased, but I understand. I am glad to know your child will be safe.”

“Is there anything I can do for yours? Modesty aside, my magic is powerful, and as I am Jotun…”

Byleistr and Gridr looked at each other, and the hope on their faces made Loki’s heart ache. “If you could… _look_ …for us…?”

Loki nodded before they had even finished, and held his hand out to Gridr’s belly. He hesitated a moment before touching her bare skin. What if he made everything worse? He was the God of Chaos, Mischief and Lies, nothing good. What if his magic could only bring harm to a delicate child in a dying world? He closed his eyes, about to pull back, when his mind went to Frigga. His...yes, she was his mother, and the Goddess of Family, the woman who had taught him his _seidr_. With her gentle smile firmly in his mind, he closed the last space between himself and Gridr and let his _seidr_ flow carefully into her, tendrils reaching out for the tiny figure nestling in he womb. “Hello,” he whispered, and smiled as the child, a little boy no bigger than his hand, squirmed under the brush of his _seidr_. Then he gasped, as the baby turned and _reached_ for him, pulling his _seidr_ into himself like a starving man for food. “Slow down, gently!” he chided, not wanting to pull back and hurt the baby, but worried at what the magic would do if the baby took too much into himself. He saw the little thing glow, haloed in turquoise light before he released him, stretched, and yawned. He stuck his tiny thumb into his mouth and closed his eyes, sleeping. 

Loki pulled back, dizzy and drained. “So small…”

“You saw them? Are they OK?”

Loki smiled and sat down on the edge of the table. “Fine,” he said, rubbing his eyes. “Would you like to know the sex?” Byleistr and Gridr looked at each other, then nodded. “You are having a little boy. Congratulations.”

“A boy,” Gridr whispered, and tucked her head into Byleistr’s neck. Byleistr’s eyes filled with white tears.

“Is he healthy?”

Loki scraped his fingernails across his scalp. “I do not know much about babies,” he began. “Frost Giant or otherwise. But he seems perfectly formed. He…he pulled on my _seidr_ , took a lot of it into himself. It seemed deliberate.” He looked up to Byleistr, wanting reassurance. “Is that normal?”

Byleistr frowned and pursed his lips, looking away from Loki to think. “I do not know. So few of us have seidr any more, since the war. Had Father known you were talented I do not think he would have agreed to your sacrifice. Perhaps the little one instinctively saw it as a substitute for the Casket’s magic.” 

Loki hoped that was the case, that his seidr had done more good than harm. He rubbed Gridr’s elbow. “When will he arrive?”

“In the next few months,” Gridr smiled, turning her head to look at Loki while still resting on Byleistr’s shoulder.

Loki gaped. “But he is so tiny!”

“Jotun babies are born small, so they do not put too much strain on the mother’s body. Our skin and bone is not as flexible as that of the Aesir, Vanir and mortals. We are like the Eldjotnar in that respect. But even so, even our babies are smaller than usual since the casket was taken. They are then nurtured for the first few months of birth by both parents, and Byleistr and I will stay together in the birth houses, where it is peaceful and sheltered and we may bond with our child in those most important first days.”

“I look forward to meeting him when he is strong enough, then,” said Loki, standing up again on the chair and shaking his head to dispel the wave of dizziness. His little nephew had taken an impressive amount of _seidr_ , and he should probably eat something or rest to recharge, but he had remembered something that may help protect Darcy and his own child, and he itched to complete his mission. He reached up to embrace both Byleistr and Gridr. “Please thank Helblindi for the book. I know he has no reason to trust me, but he still gave me great peace of mind.”

Byleistr nodded. “Helblindi likes to pretend that he is hard of heart, but I remember him weeping for days when you were taken. He has not forgotten his little brother.”

Loki’s heart swelled. He had thought so often that he was hated by the Norns, fated to be the unworthy second son, the trickster, so difficult to love, but he was beginning to realise that had been blessed, with brothers and mothers, friends and lovers, and now, a child. He would never be normal, but he was lucky.

With one last grin to his brother and his wife, he slipped onto Yggdrasil and shifted back into his Aesir form. As he moved away from Jotunheim onto the larger branches, he let himself grow in proportion to cross the great distances between realms as quickly as possible. When he teleported himself within a realm, he kept himself as small as possible to choose detailed positions, but to travel to Muspelheim from Jotunheim he would have to pass under Midgard and reach the opposite side of the World Tree. 

He thought back to the old story he’d recalled in the library at Utgard. When he’d been focusing on his mother, a memory had resurfaced of a tale she’d told him and Thor as children. He remembered sitting at her feet as she did her weaving, her gentle voice and golden _seidr_ bringing the old stories to life. They had both been disappointed with the tale of the _Singasteinn_ , because the stones that grew like seeds on the _bonduc_ bush were enchanted to provide protection for the weak, and safety during childbirth. Neither boy could even imagine knowing anyone weak, and their mother was the Goddess of Childbirth and Family. Nobody in Asgard would need anything so base as a rock when the queen would happily provide enchantments. 

She would happily provide enchantments for Darcy. But she was too close to Odin, and in Loki’s paranoia, he didn’t want to risk the possibility that the Allfather would convince her to remove the enchantments and leave his family unprotected. He knew his mother loved him, but he did not want to risk the safety of his delicate mortal family on anything even remotely connected to Asgard.

The heat of Muspelheim hit him like a physical blow, and Loki scrunched his face up in distaste, relieved he was wearing jeans and a t-shirt. He would have to summon his armour at some point, though. The hot springs bubbled in the distance, and sulphurous gases drifted in the wind coming down the volcanoes. Loki set off over the black plain, salt crust crunching underfoot. It reminded him of New Mexico, and he let his thoughts wander back to Darcy. She had been furious when she left. He wished he’d reacted more calmly, but he still couldn’t see himself being anywhere near an acceptable father. It’s not like he had had much of an example to follow - one father had abandoned him to die as a war sacrifice, and the other kidnapped him for reasons Loki still did not understand at all. As his mother always reminded him, everything Odin did went towards a plan, so he imagined he must have wanted a secret Frost Giant for some reason. He just couldn’t imagine what. It’s not like he could ransom him back to Laufey, who’d already tried to kill him.

Maybe he had taken him out of pity, out of the kindness of his heart. Loki imagined he’d made quite a pathetic sight, starving to death, or dying of exposure, on an altar in a war zone. If that was the case, he had almost certainly learned to regret his act of mercy. Loki had spent his childhood and adolescence displeasing Odin and the rest of the Aesir, and he’d amassed an impressive array of punishments. He’d been beaten several times as a young boy, but as he grew older, the sanctions grew too, and became more public. He lied about where he’d been, and was gagged for a week, made to stand in the meal hall. He stole something from the kitchen, and was whipped until his back bled, then made to go back to his duties in full ceremonial armour. He cut Sif’s hair after a stupid argument, and his own head was shaved like that of a thrall for a decade. He had only recently been allowed to grow it back. But for some reason, though his parents spent the aftermath of his punishments talking to him and discussing his misdemeanours, and explaining to him why his behaviour had to change, he never seemed to get it right. He did try, desperately, but it always seemed like when he did something wrong, he did it catastrophically wrong. He hoped that Darcy was a better influence than he was. She was sure to get sick of his terrible behaviour before long, and when that happened, he just had to pray that she let him continue to see his child. He was too selfish to stay away from either of them.

The deeper water came into view, and with it the _Skjaergard_ , a small mound of rock and scrubby _bonduc_ bushes rising from the lake. He shifted into a magpie and flew across the acidic lake, landing on one of the bushes. He was hoping to stay in this form, plucking a couple of the gems as they grew like seeds from the unimpressive little plants, but of course, things never went to plan for the God of Chaos.

The first sign Loki had was a slight hill in the water appearing and disappearing out of the corner of one of his magpie eyes. He had better eyesight in this form, but no access to _seidr_ other than shapeshifting, so he took no chances, and switched to his Aesir body, armour shimmering into place. The water was still now, the only ripples from a slight breeze that skated haphazardly over the lake. Loki flicked a knife into his hand, bending down to cut the seeds free. Then all hell broke loose.

A _Kopr_ broke the surface of the water, ash grey skin with burning depths breaking through in a mottled pattern. It roared as it hurled itself onto the _Skjaergard_ , lips parted in a grin to show needle sharp black teeth. The fire burned beneath its skin, steam pouring from its body and whirling around Loki’s head as he crouched, ready to fight if he couldn’t run. The creature lifted itself up on its front flippers so that its dog-like head was level with Loki’s own. Its aquatic nature made it slower on land than in the acid lakes, but the _Skjaergard_ was so small that one flip of the _Kopr’s_ tail could have cleared nearly half of the _bonduc_ bushes, and Loki was at the edge of the tiny island with nowhere to go. The creature grinned, pulled its head back and opened its mouth, a whirlwind of flame gathering at the back of its throat. _Koprar_ liked their food crispy. Turning into a bird would take too long. Instead, Loki called up his Jotun skin and let instinct guide him to form a long ice blade over his arm, stabbing the _Kopr_ through the black centre of its fiery throat. 

The beast screamed, and Loki poured seidr and ice and desperation into the blade until it pierced the back of the _Kopr’s_ head. It thrashed wildly, teeth clamped around his bicep. The ice vaporised instantly into superheated steam which he could feel bubbling the skin of his right side, and he drained water from the humid air and his own cells to replace the blade as fast as it could evaporate. With a wild shout he ripped his ice sword sideways, tearing out the _Kopr’s_ jaw and slicing through the grinding stone-like meat of its flesh. Its death throes tore up the _Skjaergard_ and hurled it off the rock into the lake, splashing Loki with acid. The moment it touched the surface, the lake boiled with scavengers and other _Koprar_ , cannibalising the fallen. 

Loki knew the feeding frenzy wouldn’t last long, and he couldn’t handle another battle. He clutched the _Singasteinn_ in his burnt right hand and used his left to fumble his way onto Yggdrasil. It was so tempting to collapse onto the branch directly beneath Muspelheim and rest, but he could tell that if he did that he’d never get moving again. He forced himself to move as quickly as possible, slipping and skidding on the silver roots, climbing up to the great trunk. A light that felt like home flickered just above the disc encircling Midgard, and he reached for the fabric between him and Darcy, pulled, and landed in midair above the coffee table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Red Dragon for the Norse plurals, particularly Koprar, and the reminder that the (only? most?) sentient beings from Muspelheim are Eldjotnar, not Muspeljar (or as I originally wrote, Muspells).


	9. Defiance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki and Darcy communicate

“Loki? What the hell?”

Loki gasped the dry air, his throat burning. “Water,” he croaked.

Darcy was still standing and staring at him and his nest of splinters, but Jane rushed to the kitchen and came back with a pint glass of cold water which he gulped, spilling the precious liquid down his neck and chest. He could feel it sweeping through his desiccated cells and groaned as his organs plumped up as the water reached them. Erik was still standing by Jane’s upturned chair, staring white faced at him.

“What the hell happened to your _arm_ …what even _is_ that thing?” Darcy crouched next to him, hands hovering over his upper arm. 

He leant back on the sofa and followed her gaze. “Oh. A _Kopr’s_ teeth.”

“They don’t look like copper to me.”

“No,” he panted, taking another glass of water from Jane with a grateful smile. “The teeth of a _Kopr_.” He searched his memory of Planet Earth documentaries for a frame of reference for her. “Looks like a…a seal made of lava.”

“What the fuck, Loki?”

He shrugged, mouth full of water, and held out his blistered red hand to show the _Singasteinn_. “Needed these. A _Kopr_ attacked.”

Darcy took a deep breath and pressed her finger and thumb to the bridge of her nose. “And what the _actual fuck_ are those?”

Loki put his glass down and pulled the teeth out of his arm. “ _Singasteinn_.” He looked up at her from under his eyebrows, trying to hit the right note between completely pathetic and really sorry. “They are a powerful charm for protection, particularly during childbirth. When my _seidr_ recovers I was hoping to craft a bracelet for you with one, and an amulet of some sort for the baby.” He reached for her hand with his left, less burnt hand, and twined their fingers. “I will almost certainly be a terrible father. I spend half of my time finding trouble and the rest being punished for it, so I will be an awful influence. I am selfish, unreliable and antisocial. I want to be a better father, but I have been trying to be a better son for my whole life and have failed every step of the way, so I know I will need to surround you and our baby with every powerful ward I can find to make up for my failings. If you don’t want me near you, I will understand, but please allow me to bring you things like this, to keep you safe? Even an association with me may be a danger, so I cannot bear to think what some may do to my child.”

“Loki,” Darcy gulped, and he looked up to see tears running down her cheeks.

“Oh, Darcy, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you, I —“ She cut him off by grabbing him around the neck and holding him tightly, climbing almost onto his lap and rocking gently, as if _he_ was the one who needed comfort. He wrapped his left arm around her and tried not to wince as she rubbed one of his acid burns. “I’m sorry for upsetting you.”

“You didn’t upset me, you idiot! I’m the one who should be saying sorry. I thought you didn’t want anything to do with us, I thought you were going to leave me because of the baby.”

“Why would I do that?” He demanded, pulling back. She just laughed and tightened her grip on his neck.

Jane crouched down next to Loki’s right arm. “You’ve still got some of those teeth stuck in you, shall I pick them out with some tweezers. What can we put on those blisters?”

He nodded gratefully. “My _seidr_ will recover with time and food, and then I will be able to heal myself.”

“Cling film and bicarbonate paste’s good for burns,” Darcy said, her voice muffled by Loki’s neck. 

Jane nodded and dropped the last tooth onto a saucer, then walked back to the kitchen to dig the bicarbonate out of the back of the cupboard. “Hey, did you guys see Erik leave?”

“No,” Darcy called, turning to look at the table. “He’ll come back to whale on Loki soon enough, I’m sure.” 

She stroked Loki’s face and he saw her lips quivering. “Are you OK?” he asked.

“I’m not the one with third degree burns over half his body.”

Loki laughed. “It’s not nearly half. More like a fifth.”

“Still should be making a trip to the emergency room if you were human.”

“It’s a good thing I am a god, then.”

She sat up and rested her forehead against his. “Are you sure you’re OK with this?” She gestured at her belly. 

He shook his head. “I am terrified.”

“Me too.”

“Darcy, I have no idea how to be a father. Odin tried to teach me, but I never seemed to learn anything, no matter how many beatings or punishments I had. And if our child is like me, I…I do not think I can be strong enough to discipline them. I cannot watch someone whip them, even if they misbehave terribly. I do think I could bear to to see them bleed…”

Darcy jerked back, her eyes widened in horror. “Holy shit, Loki, of course you can’t! Is that normal on Asgard, whipping your child for misbehaviour?”

“Not as a small child, but in my adolescence I was terrible.”

“What did you _do_ to earn a whipping?”

“The worst whipping specifically…I swore at Baldr.” Loki hung his head, remembering the hateful things he’d said to the gentle man. “He is Frigga’s nephew, and was visiting from Alfheim where he studies. I love him, we all did, everyone called him Baldr the Bright because he was so impossible to dislike. But he said something about my hair. It had just grown out from a previous punishment, and he teased me about the curly fluff I had instead of my traditional braids. It was not worth my reaction, but I was furious with him. I called him awful names, I threatened him, I think I even threw something at him, in front of everyone. Perhaps if I had done so in private I would have been punished in private, but I left Odin no choice but to sentence me to fifty lashes in the courtyard.”

He looked up at the two women who were staring at him with open mouths. “What?”   
“Jane, this is gas-lighting, right?” 

“Yeah, about the worst case I’ve ever seen.”

“What is gas-lighting?”

Darcy stroked his cheek. “It’s when an abuser teaches their victim to believe that they’re going crazy, or that they’re responsible for the abuse. Loki, nobody deserves to be whipped for losing their temper, OK? We’re not doing anything like that to our child, no matter what they do, no matter how bad their behaviour gets, understand? We’re gonna try not to even smack them.”

“But how will they learn?”

“God, _any_ way but that. My mom smacked me once, when I ran out into the road. She then spent the next half hour crying that she’d spanked me - in fact, I think you need to talk to my mom by yourself a bit. You’ve got some similar experiences.”

“I got spanked a few more times than that when I was little. Like, less than eight. My parents were more traditional than Verity,” said Jane as she handed Loki a plate of toast. “But just one smack on the bum when I did something really dangerous, just to shock me more than to hurt. Anyway, you just said you never stopped doing the things that got you punishments. Beating your child until they bleed goes beyond corporal punishment, that’s just abuse no matter how you look at it.”

“But of course you two would not have needed such punishments. I cannot imagine you behaving disrespectfully.”

Both women snorted and burst into laughter. “Oh, Lokes, you have no idea what a little monster I was as a kid. I once ran away from home to my cousin’s house because my mom wouldn’t buy me a Baby Born doll, you remember those?”

Jane nodded, eyes squinted shut with mirth. “I punched Tommy Finnegan when he called me a tomboy.”

“I stole a batman hoodie from Walmart.”

“I told my teacher he was an imbecile when he refused to believe me that a parsec is a unit of distance, not time.”

“Oh my god, you’re such a geek. I hacked into my college server and changed my lecturer’s screensaver to a naked picture of Jessica Rabbit.”

“Oh, I remember that, that was only last year!”

Loki stared at the two. He felt like the world had tilted under his feet again. “And you were not punished for any of these?”

“Well, yeah, we were punished,” said Jane, getting her giggles under control. “I got detentions and had to write essays and apologies, and my parents took my telescope away after the Tommy Finnegan thing, for about three months.”

“My mom was creative, the punishment always had to fit the crime. She used to get me to do community service any time I did something wrong. I had to work eighty hours in the thrift store after I stole the hoodie, and when my aunt brought me home after the Baby Born incident she made me do all her accounts so I could see how little money we had. The college made me do a public apology and docked me a bunch of credits.”

Loki was opening his mouth to ask how anything so gentle could possibly be effective when the glass in the door shattered and a can hit the kitchen wall, spraying a white vapour across the room. Loki grabbed both women and gathered as much _seidr_ as he could find deep in his core, pouring it into a shield around them and dragging them outside.

“Freeze! This is is SHIELD. Put your hands up, we’ve got you surrounded.” Black clad soldiers stood in a semicircle around them, guns pointing in their direction. Loki felt terror and fury rage in his veins and strengthened the green cords of his forcefield around the women, feeling something twang as he did. He pulled free from Darcy’s grip and stepped out into the road, drawing their attention away from his family and his friend. 

“What is the meaning of this?”

“Loki Walker, you’re under arrest for theft of government property. Place your hands above your head and get on you knees.”

Loki spread his fingers and looked around. “I have no such stolen property. You are welcome to search the premises and myself, I promise you will not find anything untoward.” He hoped that Jane was more diligent about keeping her work in the trans-dimensional bag than she ever had been about keeping it in order.

“You can’t do this. This is harassment and a violation of our constitutional rights,” yelled Darcy, pushing against the shield. It was holding for now, but he needed to get those guns away from her before the spell ran down.

“Ms Lewis, we received information from a reliable source as to Mr Walker’s involvement. We can verify it using iris recognition software.”

“Erik,” growled Jane. 

Darcy hammered on the shield with both fists. “Loki, you let me out of here! You’re not going with these thugs, you hear me?” 

With a flash the shield failed and she fell forward. A shot rang out, echoing off the buildings and the distant mountains, and Loki hurled a dagger at the soldier, shouting Darcy’s name and trying to keep control of the panic threatening to overwhelm him and send him into a berserker rage. The other agents were firing at him and he couldn’t risk getting closer to check on Darcy and Jane, and oh Norns, their child, without bringing them further into the line of fire. He vaguely heard Agent Coulson’s voice ordering a ceasefire over the sound of shots and the whipping air as he spun and kicked and threw stones when his daggers ran out and he couldn’t access any more because his _seidr_ was drained, and he was sure something struck him in the shoulder and the leg and the hip and the stomach and the arm and why was he on the floor?

He spat blood as agents piled on top of him, pressing his body into the floor. He could feel the blisters on his right arm bursting, the new wounds pouring, and his lungs compressed and not able to fill, a bubbling sound as he gasped, trying even with all his strength to breathe under the weight of the men holding him down, strapping his arms together with solid steel bands. He could hear screaming in the distance, someone calling his name, and turned his head in the dirt to look over towards the car dealership. Darcy...she was being held back by an agent, arm stretched out towards him, face contorted in fury and fear but safe. Jane was beside her, holding her tight around the waist, adding her weight to the agent’s strength, and he smiled. They were fine. He dropped his head onto the sand and let oblivion take him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas, have a cliffhanger ;)


	10. I Don't Even Believe in Reincarnation Anyway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erik explains himself, and we meet a lot of new faces. This chapter's got a few scene breaks, which I don't usually like, but by themselves they're too short to be separate chapters, so you get a super long one, which hopefully makes up for the Christmas cliffhanger ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to hebravelyranaway for pre-empting a plot hole, which I believe I have now filled ;)
> 
> And to jasthetexican for the info about the Rapture being a Protestant thing rather than Catholic, thank you!

They had fucking sedated her. Darcy lay in bed fuming. She woke up with rage already flooding her body, but her muscles would not fucking respond. As soon as she could speak she was going to channel the Bride and wiggle her big toe before going off to kick some fucking ass. She had mentally composed letters to Amnesty International and press releases and letters to big name connections to support her campaign, and she was going to get Loki back.

Even if it was just his body.

No, no way, she was not going to start thinking like that. He’d just blacked out. He was a god, no way were a few bullet wounds going to put him down. Not even that one in the chest. Nope. Not Loki, he fought evil lava seals to get her and the baby a stone, no way were some puny mortals going to put his ass down. 

When she had burned off the drugs in her system with pure anger and vicious revenge fantasies, she dragged herself off the air bed and into the kitchen.

“Darcy!” Jane rushed up to her, grabbing her shoulders and helping her to the table. Darcy glared at Erik.

“You’ve got a lot of nerve.”

“Darcy, I--”

“No, I don’t care Erik.”

“I can’t let him bring that much danger into your life!”

“He didn’t bring any danger into my life. You, on the other hand…”

“Look, I know you don’t want to hear this--”

“Damn straight I don’t.”

“--but there are just too many coincidences for this not to have huge, world altering consequences.”

Darcy snorted and pushed herself to her feet, wanting to get away, it didn’t matter where.

“Darcy, do you know what Loki’s wife in the myths was called? Signe.” He pronounced it _see-nyah_ again. “They had children too.”

Jane came up beside her, looking up at her with big eyes and a cup of decaf tea. Darcy kept her gaze on the old man. “Fuck’s sake, Erik, this is why you ordered a hit by the SS on my boyfriend? My middle name slightly resembles yet another Norse god?” She snorted and turned to go.

“Do you know what they did to Loki and Signe’s children?”

She froze. She didn’t want to. Maybe there was still some of that sedative floating around in her blood because her legs wouldn’t respond.

“Odin turned one child into a wolf and made him kill the other. They used the dead child’s entrails to tie Loki to a rock beneath a huge serpent which dripped venom on him.” Erik’s voice was trembling. “Signe had to stand over him catching the venom in a bowl. When he escaped, he led the Jotnar into battle with Asgard, causing Ragnarok, the apocalypse.”

Darcy felt sick. She clenched her fists, still with her back to Erik, and it was Jane who spoke first, her voice shaky. “Jesus, Erik. Norse mythology is fucked up.”

Darcy turned to see Erik shake his head, his hands clasped together by his chin, elbows resting on the table. “Loki is a thousand years old, but from what he’s said about Aesir ageing, he was still a child when these myths were written. And they were mostly written at the end of the Viking era, by more literate societies. There’s no way these could be stories of what came before if they truly are the same beings. But what if they’re prophecies?”

“Erik, you’re a scientist, how can you say these things?”

“I am being a scientist, Jane. I’m taking the data I have to hand and formulating hypotheses. Until a few months ago we thought we were alone in the universe, and we certainly didn’t know anything about this separate plane of existence Loki explained. We are talking about a completely different set of laws, like Galileo trying to understand a computer. And none of us, except maybe Jane, even comes close to Galileo’s intellect.” He held Darcy’s gaze, eyes pleading. “If there’s any possibility that any of this might come true, I don’t want you caught up in the middle, holding a bowl over your lover’s face to stop his torture.”

Darcy stared out of the plate glass for a long moment, watching a couple of ravens bicker over some roadkill, trying to hold the tears back, hold onto her anger so that it replaced the horror. She wanted to stay furious with Erik, wanted to keep the fire stoked so there wasn’t room for the little voice that said _what if he’s right?_

Jane’s chair scraped on the floor as she sat. “Erik, if we’re going to go along with this...these ideas of fate and prophecy, what if what we’re doing to stop it is just bringing it closer?”

Erik froze and he sat up, staring at her in horror, and Darcy saw for the first time the man who’d been raised in a devoutly Protestant household, fearing Judgement day and the Rapture, before he turned to science and guilty atheism. The man who had his rational views turned upside down one day, and was just trying to rearrange everything he’d ever known and heard so he could keep his friend safe. 

With a long breath she gave up her anger and came to sit next to him, wrapping her arms around his neck and pretending to ignore the treacherous tears that were soaking into his shirt. The older man clutched at her, holding her tight, whispering apologies and thank yous in her ear as he rocked her.

“I’m not saying that’s definitely the case,” Jane continued gently, rubbing Darcy’s back, “but I think there’s the danger of over thinking things like this. And god, I hate that my closest reference for this kind of stuff is books and movies! This is not what I was expecting when I chose astrophysics.”

“You didn’t choose astrophysics, it chose you,” cracked Darcy, pulling out of the hug and sniffling into her lukewarm coffee.

Jane smiled at her and rubbed her back again. “Look, I don’t know much about Norse mythology, but just from that apocalypse story--”

“Ragnarok,” Erik corrected.

“Bless you,” she snarked. “It sounds like Loki had a pretty good reason for wanting to destroy everything. If someone did...that...to my family, I’d be ready to lead the Frost Giants into the end of the world.”

Darcy nodded, and tried not to clutch her belly like her arms alone could guard her baby. She desperately wanted Loki back.

Jane continued. “And at the moment, trying to keep Loki and Darcy apart has just ended with him being shot and locked up, and while I’m sure there’s no snake venom involved...oh, Darcy, I’m sorry.” 

Darcy tried to hold back a sob and failed, and followed it with another, and another, until she was crying in Jane’s arms.

They all jerked violently when the knock came. “Dr Foster, it’s Agent Coulson.”

Darcy hissed, and before anyone could stop her she’d ripped the door open and fired her tazer. The fucker dodged. He turned back to her, straightening his jacket, completely unruffled. “Good morning, Ms Lewis. I’m here to escort you to SHIELD headquarters where you’ll be reunited with Mr Walker.”

***

Darcy’s leg was tapping and Jane didn’t even grab her to hold it still. She was too busy biting her nails. As soon as the red-haired pilot set them down, and before the back of the jet had finished lowering, Darcy was leaping onto the metal floor and racing to the hangar door.

“Ms Lewis? This way, please.” Coulson’s mild voice pulled her deeper into the metal installation. They walked down a maze of corridors, past labs and control rooms straight out of Star Trek, and Darcy wondered how big this place was and if it was underground. She hadn’t got a good enough look through the hangar door to tell if she was even still in the States or if she’d eagerly walked into a trap straight to Gitmo.

They finally got to a gleamingly sterile white room and Darcy saw Loki, pale and covered in bandages but sitting up and talking to a curly haired man in a lab coat. She was so relieved she nearly fainted, and that would just have been disgustingly Victorian. She settled for an embarrassing whimper and ran to him, hands flapping until she could decide on somewhere to touch him without disturbing bullet wounds or burns.

“Darcy,” he breathed, and she buried her fingers in his hair, pressing her forehead against his.

“Don’t you ever do that again, asshole.”

“I make no promises.”

She sat back and he lifted himself higher up on his pillows. “Everyone, this is Dr Banner. Doctor, this is Dr Foster, Dr Selvig and--”

“And the infamous Darcy?” The doctor smiled and pushed his square glasses up his nose, shaking her hand.

“Dr Banner?” Erik stepped forward, his mouth gaping open. “I thought you were dead...we all did, after the accident at Culver, when SHIELD showed up, we thought they were covering it up.”

“And you still went to them about Loki?” Jane snorted. 

Erik stood straighter. “I couldn't think of anyone else who'd be able to handle him.” His eyes flickered to Loki. “I’m sorry...I did what I thought was right at the time, to protect Darcy and Jane.”

“And Darcy, for one, would like everyone to stop protecting her now,” she said in a sing-song voice.

“Again, I make no promises,” grinned Loki. He bowed his head to Erik slightly. “I understand, Dr Selvig. But I have no intention of hurting Darcy or letting anyone else hurt her. In fact…” he twisted his wrists and held out an intricate silver bracelet carved with snakes and runes, with the shiny brown stone embedded in the centre. “The _Singasteinn_ will keep you and the baby safe in pregnancy and childbirth. When our child is born I will make them their own which will give them protection until they come of age. I have added extra enchantments to make it impossible for someone touch you if they mean you harm.” He smiled. “I got the idea from my Jotun skin, with a few modifications.”

“Like what?” Jane asked, leaning over Darcy’s shoulder as she slipped the beautiful bracelet on her left hand. “Darcy’s not going to give me frostbite like you did, is she?”

“Not unless you mean her serious harm. And no, wanting to strangle her for singing the same song twelve times in a row doesn’t count. Unless you really mean it.” He laughed as Darcy shoved his shoulder above the bandages. “I can touch another Jotun in my Jotun form, but I can only touch Darcy because she is my beloved.” Darcy smiled and kissed his cheek, sitting on the bed and angling herself to listen. “She will be able to touch any one, Jotun, Aesir or human, with no ill effects, but anyone of any realm who intends to hurt her or the baby will be burnt on contact with her.”

“Thank you, Loki, I love it.” She hovered her hand over the bandages on his chest. “Are you OK?”

He nodded. “I heal quickly.”

Banner snorted and rolled his eyes.

“C’mon, doc, tell me the truth, how bad is it?” Darcy asked.

The man just shook his head. “To be fair, he is healing fast. But he’d heal faster if he hadn’t stayed up all night making jewellery though.”

“Loki!”

“I had my priorities straight,” he said, unconcerned. “I know I will heal completely within a day or two, but I could not leave you another moment without knowing you are safe. The bracelet will not fall off, either. It’s enchanted to remain on your wrist unless you want to remove it. And it knows if you’re being coerced, too, and refuses to be removed.”

Darcy kissed his temple and nuzzled into his hair. “No more jewellery...in fact, no more anything until you’re completely healed, OK?”

He nodded and lay back against her, closing his eyes with a contented hum.

“So, are you in a lot of trouble?” Jane asked, biting her lip. “I’ll give all the stuff back, it’s not important.”

He opened one eyelid. “I have made a deal.”

“What’s the deal, Loki? If it’s not worth it, I’ll go over your head and give them the notes and the laptop and everything, no way I’m going to let you take the fall for me.”

“I do not remember you telling me to liberate your research,” he smirked. “But the deal involves you, actually.” He sat up again and cleared his throat. “They have asked me - and Dr Banner here, actually - to join a group called the Avengers Initiative. After the Bifrost opened so many times and they were able to study the satellite imagery, they have decided that they need a line of defence against extraterrestrial influences, and those from other realms on Yggdrasil. Agent Coulson assures me that they would have asked nicely had I come in peace two nights ago--”

“Hold on, two nights?”

“Yeah, Darce, you’ve been out for nearly forty eight hours. Sorry.” Jane grimaced at her.

“I hope you guys know what drugs like that can do to my baby,” she growled.

Loki rubbed her tummy, and electrical tingles ran down her spine from his touch. He didn’t seem to notice and carried on with his story. “When they saw what I could do, they brought me to Dr Banner--”

“Bruce, please.”

“They brought me here to Bruce. Luckily he arrived here before me, he has been in India for some years. I seem to remember him threatening them with more violence than me.”

Bruce's eyes glimmered green for a moment. “You had a punctured lung and there were three big guys still sitting on you. They didn’t even know how long ago you’d stopped breathing.”

“Fuck, Loki,” Darcy whimpered. Loki wrapped his bandaged arms around her waist and nosed at her neck, and she closed her eyes to soak in the smell of his hair under the antiseptics and sweat, and tried not to cry.

“I have agreed to join them on the condition that they leave you alone, and that they return Dr Foster’s work.”

Jane shook her head, face pale. “No way, Loki. You’re not working for these guys, they’re fucking crazy. I can move into a different field, I don’t care about Einstein-Rosen bridges any more.”

“No, Jane, you don’t understand,” Loki insisted. “In a group like this, Darcy and the baby will be more heavily protected than I could have managed by myself. _I_ will be more protected - I am not too proud to admit that I may need as much help as I can get when Odin awakens.” He turned to Darcy. “I really think this is the best possible outcome.”

“If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em?” She asked dryly, still tempted to sic Amnesty International on the whole organisation anyway. Eventually she shrugged. “I suppose it’s a good point. Especially after what Erik was saying this morning.”

The three of them explained Erik’s theory. When Erik got to the part about binding Loki with the entrails of his children, Bruce had to leave, looking almost as ill as Loki, with a slight green tinge to his skin. Loki himself was grey by the end, a slight tremor in his hands. “You OK, Lokes?”

“Does that sound like something Odin could do?” Erik asked.

Loki’s face was carefully blank. “I cannot say for sure.”

 Darcy’s hands tightened on his waist. “Let’s say it’s a possibility, just to be on the safe side, huh?”

Loki reached back for her and pulled her around onto his lap, lifting her easily even with the bandaged right arm. He buried his face in her hair. “Do you see why I want to create a buffer between us and Asgard? Coulson and his director say that the Avengers team is made up of mortals with exceptional talents, and they hope to be able to battle extraterrestrial or extra-dimensional forces.” He pulled back and looked at Jane suddenly. “Speaking of which...was there any sign of the Bifrost after I was taken?”

She shook her head, and Loki frowned slightly. “Why? Were you expecting any Asgardians?”

“No…I suppose not.” He smiled, and Darcy could tell he was tired because it was so obviously fake. He was usually much better at hiding his hurt. 

“What, Loki?” 

“It is nothing.” She rolled her eyes and he held onto his innocent look for a moment longer before slumping slightly. “A part of me expected Thor to hear about the battle with SHIELD and…and come to assist. I suppose he must still be angry with me.”

“How would Thor know about it?”

“I am no longer cloaking myself from Heimdall’s gaze all the time. I certainly was not when SHIELD arrived, I had not the energy to do so. Even sufficient distraction can sometimes break the spell, as it did when I contained that explosion.”

“Wait, Heimdall, he has something to do with the Bifrost, right?” Jane interjected. Darcy snorted. Trust Jane to remember anything to do with her research.

“Yes, he is the watchman. He sees all in the Nine Realms—“

“Bit creepy.”

“Indeed, hence why I recently learned to cloak myself from his gaze. That is why it took so long for Thor to find me the first time, but since they all know where I am, I stopped bothering.”

“Wait,” she growled, turning to him with wide eyes. “You mean he’s been looking in on us—“

“No, no,” he hastened to reassure her. “I have been cloaking us at…certain times.”

“This is getting a bit close to TMI, guys,” Jane grimaced.

“I’ve been casting a spell of silence over us as well,” he winked and she groaned.

“That’s definitely TMI.”

“So if Heimdall can see you,” Erik said, “he should have passed the information on to your family.”

Loki gave that fake smile again. “I am sure there is an explanation. He must have seen I was safe, somehow. Or maybe Thor could not be reached. Do not think on it.”

Darcy was about to argue that Asgard in general was clearly a bunch of assholes when a woman’s voice rang down the corridor. “Sir, you can’t go in there.”

“Oh look, I just did, funny how that happens.”

Darcy clamped her hand over her mouth. “Holy shit, it’s Tony Stark.”

Iron Man, _seriously, freaking Iron Man!_ flashed her a little insincere smile and walked into the room waving a tablet about, followed by a group of SHIELD agents, including Coulson, the woman who’d flown them to the base, a muscly guy in shades and what looked like a bulletproof muscle vest, and a full-on freaking pirate with an eye patch and a black leather jacket. Bruce came back in when he heard the commotion too, so it was starting to get kinda cosy. Iron Man seemed to be loving the attention.

“Hey, so you guys are Fury’s A-team?” He turned to Jane, still gawping at him. “Dr Foster, it’s an honour, I loved the paper you wrote last year for JHEA about the effects of the gravitational wave event during the A-113 supernova. Also looking forward to seeing how you tell everyone to go fuck themselves when your Einstein-Rosen bridge theory is proven correct.”

“H-how did you…?”

“Hacked SHIELD. Loved your notes. Didn’t steal them, promise, I only understood about 70% anyway, but I want to offer you a job.”

“A _what?_ ”

“I want to understand them, I want you to finish your work, I’m insanely rich and I don’t like secrets. Not like SHIELD here. So if you find out how to make an inter dimensional tramway I’m more likely to help you market it to Richard Branson than steal it and hide it in a bunker. Speaking of which, read about the break-in, nice skills, tall, dark and godly,” he said, turning to Loki. “I want you explaining all that voodoo that you do to me too, if you fancy a place to stay in New York. Seriously, everyone’s invited. Especially you, Dr Banner. Your work on anti-electron collisions is unparalleled. And I’m a huge fan of the way you lose control and turn into an enormous green rage monster.”

Jane’s eyes snapped to Bruce. “Oh my god, you’re _that_ Dr Banner?” Darcy noticed how Bruce’s eyes and shoulders dropped in resignation until Jane carried on. “I loved your work on gamma radiation, I’ve cited, like, three of your papers in my draft thesis on the link between magnetospheric phenomena and black hole activity. Do you…would you mind having a look over it sometime? I mean, if it’s not too much bother…”

Bruce’s whole face lit up, and Darcy wondered if Jane knew what she’d done for the guy. “Sure, any time. I…uh, I’m a bit off the grid at the moment—“

“That’s OK, you’ll have plenty of time to chat in my lab.”

“I don't know, Mr Stark--”

“Tony, please.”

“Tony, putting me in large cities historically hasn't been a great idea.”

“No, it’s been a bad idea for the army to try and capture you.”

“The other guy tends to do a lot of damage in built up places.”

Tony looked serious. “Stark Mansion’s in upstate New York, on a hundred acres of woodland.” He shrugged. “I don't spend much time there, but with Jarvis, my AI, it’s got the best surveillance and security system on earth. I know that because Jarvis regularly hacks into SHIELD servers, and other places that shall remain unnamed, just for the crack. Did I say that? I didn't say that.” He grinned cheekily at Fury, who was just looking resigned, rather than furious. Darcy was vaguely disappointed at the man’s lack of nominative determinism.

“We would be honoured to accept your hospitality, Tony Stark.” Loki did a little half bow, and looked quite impressively dignified for a bandage covered dude in a hospital bed with a girl on his lap.

“See? Viking Anansi’s up for proving some Clarke’s law,” said Tony. “Now you guys all have to come and do science with me in New York. C’mon, my labs are off the freaking chart, you guys will have multiple nerd-gasms. Except maybe you, Tutankhamun, but we’ll see what we can do to show off to the advanced alien civilisation.”

“Stark, you can’t go round head-hunting government employees just because Agent Romanov said you didn’t play well with others.” Fury crossed his arms, his leather coat creaking. Darcy _wanted_ that damn coat. Who cared if it would have looked stupid on her? She could have her Matrix fantasies and pretend her wardrobe wasn’t made up of brightly coloured t-shirts, beanies and jeans.

“I’m not head-hunting anyone, Fury. Unless Dr Foster’s also in the Avengers? No? You’re not some sort of secret super? Huh. The others, I’m inviting them over for a play date.”

“And I’m pretty sure I haven’t agreed to the position yet, Director,” said Bruce, slouching just that little bit again.

“Anyway, it’s not head-hunting when Stark Industries already payrolls half of SHIELD,” continued Tony. “I checked the accounts. Dear ol’ Dad had it set up through a bunch of ghost companies around the world, but I still own your little super secret boy band. Not that I want to own you,” he continued, turning back to the crowd around Loki’s bed. “I just want an opportunity to make our own version of the Solvay conference. Is that too much to ask? Hey, we can get Reed Richards, Lene Hau and Hank Pym. T’Challa might come if he wasn’t so busy running a monarchy.” He waggled his eyebrows at Jane. “And Vera Rubin’s a friend of the family.”

Both Jane and Erik made gurgling noises, and Loki raised his eyebrows in concern.

“Vera _Rubin?_ Like, _the_ Vera Rubin?” Oh look, Jane was capable of coherent speech.

“Who’s Vera Rubin?”

“Oh my god, Darcy…have I really been that neglectful? She discovered dark matter! In the 1950s! She’s my all-time science hero.” Jane took a break from her hyperventilating to look shy. “Everyone thought she was a kook too.”

Tony’s phone chimed. “Fixed. Auntie Vera’s coming for dinner.”

“You _texted_ the woman who analysed the rotational properties of our neighbouring galaxies?” Jane’s voice rose out of the range of human hearing, and Darcy thought she might actually faint when Tony flashed the text at her.

“I think we will _definitely_ be coming to New York,” said Loki dryly.

Director Fury nodded. “Take Romanov and Barton with you. We’ll send Rogers over tomorrow.”

Tony did an honest-to-god double take, letting his tablet flop in his grip. “What?”

Fury grinned, a wicked slash of teeth curling his face into a surprising number of smile lines. “Where did you think I was going to keep them, Stark? The Avengers need somewhere to spend some time together and get to know each other. All the better if I don’t have to pick up the bill.”

“You sneaky bastard.” Tony sounded impressed. 

Fury just raised an eyebrow. “Super spy.”

“Hey!” Tony shouted after him as he disappeared down the corridor. “Does this mean I’m in your gang? Am I one of the cool kids now?”

***

“You ready?”

Loki nodded, but still looked like he was steeling himself for an execution. Darcy just laughed and bumped his good shoulder with her own, and pressed the call button on Skype. Darcy’s face broke into a grin as she saw her mom on the screen. “Hey Mom!”

“Hey Honey! And hi there, Loki darlin’.” Mom frowned, her rectangular glasses moving on her crinkled nose. “Is that a hospital? Are you OK?”

Loki looked at Darcy. “I…yes, I’m fine, thank you. I heal fast.”

“What happened? Darcy, whose ass do we need to kick?”

Darcy laughed. “It’s a bit complicated, Mom. We’ve got a load of stuff to tell you, I wish we could do it in person, but things are still a bit insane.”

“What is it, Darce?”

Darcy couldn’t stop her eyes from tearing up, though her smile was still so wide it hurt. Everything was going to be OK. Better than OK - this baby was going to be loved by more than just her. 

“I’m pregnant.”

Verity Lewis was silent for a long moment, and so still that Darcy wondered if the screen had frozen. Loki looked paler than he had when he’d been shot. At last her mom let out a long breath. “Oh, Darcy.”

“We’re really happy about it, Mom. Well, scared, obviously, but we’re gonna make it work.”

“Oh, honey.” Mom put her hand over her mouth to hide the wobble in her lips.

“I swear I will take care of Darcy and our child, Verity.” Loki’s voice was firm, but his fingers tightened on hers, clasped on the sheet.

“Oh, wow. I’m gonna be a grandma,” Mom giggled. Then she took her glasses off and covered her eyes to catch the tears.

“Oh, Mommy, don’t cry,” Darcy laughed, but she could feel her own eyes tearing up.

“I’m happy, Darcy, it’s not sad crying.” Mom smiled through her tears and wiped her face, replacing her glasses. “When are you due?”

“September the fifth. I’m two months gone, I didn’t figure it out til a few days ago or so. You know I’ve always been irregular.”

“And you’re sticking around?” Her eyes narrowed as she looked at Loki. 

He nodded. “Of course. I…I cannot promise I will be any good at this—“

“Nobody can, honey,” she smiled. “But if you’re willing to try that makes all the difference. Have you told your parents?”

Darcy and Loki looked at each other. “Uh, yeah, Mom, that’s the other thing we need to talk about. Loki’s not…uh…”

“He’s not what, Darce?”

“I am not exactly human, Verity.”

“Are you a mutant?” Mom’s eyebrows raised in interest. “Theres a mutant couple in my apartment block, two lovely young men. Gulvinder works for a support group, I can put you in touch if you’re worried about anything.”

“Not exactly…”

“And if you’re estranged from your parents, then we don’t need to talk about them again, you’re a lovely boy, it’s their loss.”

“Mom, slow down.”

“Oh my word, they’re not dead, are they? Oh, I’ve put my foot in it—“

“He’s a thousand year old Norse god, Mom.”

Mom froze half way through a sentence. “I beg your pardon?”

“I am Loki, of Asgard, and of Jotunheim.”

“Yeah, that doesn’t clear it up any, hon.”

Darcy rolled her eyes, still grinning. “He’s kinda like an alien. He comes from a different world where they live a lot longer, and apparently all the people in the Norse myths are real.”

“Really?” Mom frowned. “Hold on, those myths are terrible. Wasn’t there some awful story about Loki and snake venom?”

“Thankfully that has not happened,” replied Loki. He glanced at Darcy, but she shook her head. There was no reason to stress Mom out with a vague theory.

“Wow, I’m glad to hear it.” She huffed. “This is…I hope you’ll excuse me, but this is a bit much to take in. A thousand years?” Loki nodded apologetically. “Wow. Well…you don’t look a day over seven hundred, I’m sure.”

Loki laughed suddenly, head tilted back to show off his long pale neck. Darcy felt the urge to nibble on the tendons of his neck, just to remind herself that he was here, and staying, and hers.

“So what’s a Norse god doing on earth? With my daughter?”

Loki’s good humour disappeared. “I had some problems at home. I uncovered a lie my parents had been telling me my whole life, and I…I admit I ran away. Darcy found me and helped me to adjust to life here.” He looked straight at her mom, trying to burn his sincerity through the screen. “I truly love her, and I swear I will try to keep her from harm.”

Darcy melted a little bit. They had said they loved each other before, but having him admit it to her mom so fiercely was a very different matter. She leaned her chin on his shoulder. “I love you too, Lokes,” she grinned.

Mom waved her hand at him and tried not to look soppy. “Darcy can keep herself from harm,” she scoffed. 

“That she can,” smirked Loki, looking at her out of the corner of his eye. “Did you not try to taze Agent Coulson?”

Darcy growled. “He shouldn’t have taken you away.”

“Hold on, hold on, Agents? Are you in some kind of trouble?”

“Not any more,” Loki assured her. “In fact, they have offered me a job.”

“He’s gonna be a superhero,” grinned Darcy. “We’re going to Tony freaking Stark’s house for dinner!”

Mom smacked her head with the palm of her hand. “Is there any other life altering news you haven’t told me yet, Darcy? Or can I go ahead and re-adjust my entire world view now?”

Darcy counted on her fingers. “Baby, Norse god, superheroes? Yeah, I think that’s about it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup, Verity Willis from AoA is totally Darcy's mum! She changed her name to Lewis for reasons that will become clear in a few chapters - I don't deal with it directly because it didn't really fit in anywhere (there was no reason for her to tell anyone her original surname), but yeah, Easter egg. I _love_ Verity! And did anyone else notice another numerical Easter Egg?
> 
> And if anyone thinks Erik got off lightly from Loki, well, Loki doesn't give a shit about his own safety, so he's fine with someone potentially killing him for Darcy's sake...worrying, but this particular Loki has really low self esteem...
> 
> And finally, Erik know the term is Aesir, but Darcy doesn't, and Loki's not being pedantic right now.


	11. Adjustment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki meets the rest of the Avengers, and they have their first mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so excited about this chapter, because I get to introduce all the Avengers ^_^
> 
> Rhusaac told me after the last chapter that Dr Rubin died a couple of days ago. May she rest in peace. I wrote this back in November, it feels very strange now.

Loki could feel the worship, and wondered if this is what Aesir felt when they visited Midgard centuries ago. Jane was sitting across from an elderly woman, her brown eyes wide with awe. Selvig wasn't much better, and Loki suppressed a smile as he imagined the woman sitting in an armchair reading a bedtime story (from some advanced astrophysics text, of course), to the four scientists as they sat cross legged at her feet.

Darcy was deep in conversation with Stark’s woman, and Loki tried not to stare. There was something so familiar about her, and he had obviously disconcerted her already by frowning when he first came to shake her hand. She had faltered and almost misstepped as she walked towards him, but quickly rallied to ask if he was healing well, glaring at Agent Coulson when she saw the bandages. She looked so much like his mother then that his fake smile quickly became radiant. He must have seen Frigga in this woman’s blend of power and kindness. His initial reaction had still worried her, though. He could tell because he caught her looking at him anxiously several times throughout the dinner. 

The three spies spent most of the dinner explaining SHIELD’s history and jurisdiction to him, and Loki was glad that Darcy was occupied. He could tell that many of Romanov’s - Natasha’s - ideals, and most of all, her methods, would clash with those of his idealistic lover.

Lady Vera left soon after dinner, giving Jane a kiss on the cheek which nearly made her faint. The scientists spent the next half hour talking about their work, and when they started finding some common ground, Tony invited them into his labs to set up some experiments. 

Pepper rolled her eyes affectionately. “Anyone who doesn’t want to pull an all-nighter is welcome to choose a guest room on the East Wing. I’ll show you up there.” Loki, Darcy and the agents followed her up a vast, curved staircase to the first floor. “We’ve got a communal living room here, it’s a bit more casual than the parlour and dining rooms downstairs.”

“Oh, look at the size of that flatscreen,” groaned Clint.

Pepper smiled. “Have a look in that cabinet,” she pointed. “You’re welcome to use whatever you like.”

Clint pressed on the door to make it spring open, and whistled. “Hot damn, that’s a lot of games.”

Natasha rolled her eyes. “I hope one of you two play,” she said to Loki and Darcy. “I’ve had enough RPGs and shooters to last me a lifetime.”

“I’ll wipe your ass with Halo,” grinned Darcy.

“Oh, you are _on_ , Preggers.”

Pepper gestured to a corridor to the right. “There are five guest suites down here, and five more on the floor above, please take your pick. Tony and I have our apartment on the left hand side. There’s a gym on the second floor, if you turn left, which you’re all very welcome to use if you like. Is there anything you need?”

“Thank you, Lady Pepper, you and Mr Stark have been most kind.” Loki bowed, and Natasha nodded her thanks too. Loki didn’t miss the slight tension between the two red-haired women and realised they must know each other already. Natasha chose a room straight away, and Pepper excused herself and left through the door on the left of the living area. Clint and Darcy were already embroiled in an electronic battle, so Loki sank into the comfortable leather couch beside her, giving plenty of room for flailing elbows. Coulson sat on the armchair at right angles to Loki.

“How are you healing up?”

Loki touched his bandaged ribs. “Nearly finished, thank you. It would have been faster with healing stones, but another night of rest and I will be back to normal.”

“I hope there’s no hard feelings, Loki, we had no intention of letting it escalate to that extent. The agent who fired the first shot is going through re-training.” Coulson shook his head. “He was too new to have been on the mission.”

“I have had much worse injuries, Agent Coulson.”

“Phil, please.” He narrowed his eyes at Loki. “Just how much battle have you seen?”

“I am…was the brother of Thor. I appreciate that means little to you, but to travel with him meant to seek out glory.”

Coulson - Phil - smiled. “I’ve known people like that.”

Loki raised an eyebrow. “Indeed? You must tell me tales, I shall feel less alone in my frustration.”

Phil gave another of his tiny smiles, but ventured no further information. “I’d rather hear you tell about your adventures. I must admit, I’ve read all the Norse myths. It would be interesting to see if there’s any truth to them.”

Loki’s heart fluttered with anxiety, thinking about Selvig’s theory, but he forced a smile and nodded to the agent. “Not much, I imagine. Although some of the people are familiar.”

“Is that so? Is there a god called Hoenir?”

“Not that I know of,” Loki frowned. He glanced at Phil and did a small double take. The intensity of his expression when he asked…he had the feeling again that he knew a person without knowing them.

“What about Svadilfari?”

Loki’s mask slammed into place, but he couldn’t keep the smile going. He dug his fingernails into his palms. 

“I’m sorry, have I upset you? You recognise the name?” Phil’s face was soft and sympathetic, but there was something ancient and calculating in his eyes that reminded Loki of Odin, and set his heart rate racing. 

“It’s fine,” he insisted. “Yes, I recognise the name. He was…I did know him. When I was young. He was much older, and a commoner, so it was a strange friendship.” Loki slumped, tired of the masks. “I was often lonely, and Svadilfari was amusing. He always had little tricks to show me - sleight of hand, no _seidr_. I was learning to shape shift at the time, and I would turn into a horse…a foal, really, to play with his stallion in the fields outside the palace during their breaks.” He rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Thor was the one who found out he was a Jotun shapeshifter.” He laughed mirthlessly. “When I look back, it seems there were a lot of Jotnar in Asgard during my childhood, all shapeshifters. I imagine that’s why Odin was so furious when he found them. If they had shifted in my presence, and touched me, I would have shifted too, and learned what I am centuries ago.”

“What happened?”

Loki gave a shaky sigh. “It was my fault. I had the idea one hot summer day to put ice cubes down people’s backs. It was one of the few days that Thor deigned to play with me. His friends happened to be busy that day, so he was my captive audience. I remember wanting to make it worth his while, to…to prove that I was just as good company as Sif and Volstagg. He thought it was hilarious when I put an ice cube down one of the guards’ tunics. The man’s face…and the noises he made! The two of us ran and ran, and collapsed laughing until our ribs hurt. So we each stole ice cubes from the kitchen and thought to continue our fun.” He bit his thumbnail for a moment, for something to do, to stop the fingers from twitching. “He put the ice down Svadilfari’s shirt. And…he turned.”

Barton and Darcy had stopped their game and were listening too. Darcy rubbed his back and he noticed how hunched up he was, his mask in tatters. He deliberately straightened up and clung to the tendrils of his control.

“I had…nightmares about that moment for years. The way he turned blue. The blood red eyes. It was like the monsters had taken over my friend’s body, that was the only way I could rationalise it. The way he roared…of course, it was no different to the way the other victims of our stupid prank had reacted, but none of them were Frost Giants.” A drop landed on his arm and he flinched, and realised it was a teardrop. He rubbed his face angrily. “The guards killed him right there. I watched my friend killed in front of me for the first time. Much was made of his friendship with me. The council members spoke with me about what questions he had asked, whether I had let him know any secrets that he could have passed on to the other Frost Giants. The servants petted me and sympathised that I had been...used by such a monster. I just…now all I can think of is Byleistr and Gridr and how my nightmares were of the wrong people. Svadilfari was a simple, kind man. The fact that he hid his nature did not mean he was a spy, or using me. It just meant he knew exactly what would happen if he was discovered.” A piece of Loki’s cast crumbled under his fingers as he picked at it. “Please would you excuse me?” he asked, not looking at any of them. “I think I will get some rest.”

Darcy followed him to a room at the end of the corridor. He stood staring out of the window for a while, his limbs shaking violently while he tried to get his memories and emotions under control. 

“Lokes…hey. You don’t have to hold it in, you know?” She wrapped her arms around his waist from behind, pressing her forehead against his shoulder blades. He rubbed the back of one of her wrists, but couldn’t bring himself to speak. 

“You wanna talk about it?”

He shook his head. “It is…it is too big. It is like a maze, and I cannot put everything straight, now there is this added dimension of knowing that Jotnar are no more monsters than Aesir. I cannot…” his voice broke and he hunched over, burying his face in his hands, trying to hold back the explosion. “I cannot bear what I have thought and been over these thousand years.”

Darcy squeezed him. “Music?”

He nodded and let her lead him to the bed where he lay facing her, heads pressed together and arms and legs tangled. 

_hello, i am the lie living for you so you can hide_

Loki let the strings and the piano wash over him, and with someone else’s words replacing his own thoughts, all that was left was the visual memories. He remembered Svadilfari’s laugh, the way he would scrunch up his nose and slap his thigh when Loki told him childish jokes. He saw his stallion racing just ahead of him in the fields, or stopping to let the little Loki-horse catch up. He saw Svadilfari teaching him to lay bricks and mortar, tiny hands fumbling the trowel. Svadilfari had laughed and patted him on the head with dusty hands before marking Loki’s brick with a chiseled x. 

_i pack my bags and leave this town cause i’m not welcome back here any more upon these shores_

Darcy’s eyes were closed, her hands tangled in his hair and his fingers, and he let his tears fall silently and mourn all the people he’d never been allowed to. It would have been wrong for a Prince of Asgard to mourn Svadilfari or Angrboda, and Fen and Jor were just animals to most Aesir, and even to Thor they had not warranted more than a day of sadness. But to him they all tangled together in a mess of grief and horror and heartbreak. Darcy said nothing, just pulled him closer and stroked his back as he sobbed and clung to her and laid his friends to rest.

***

Loki woke up with Darcy wrapped around his back. He kissed her hand, then squirmed out from under her floppy limbs and stretched. His body seemed completely healed, and he peeled the bandages off his chest to reveal unbruised skin and no protruding ribs. He flexed his hand inside the cast and considered breaking it off, but changed his mind when he thought of the mess the plaster would make on the thick carpet. He would not repay Stark’s generous hospitality in such a way. 

The corridor was quiet when he slipped out of the room after tucking a note in Darcy’s hand. The sun came in low through the windows of the communal area, casting everything in a pale pink light. But he was not the only one awake.

“Morning, Loki, you’re looking better,” Bruce yawned, scooping a teabag out of the steaming mug in front of him.

“Good morning, Bruce,” he smiled. “Could I bother you to remove my cast today?”

“You think it’s mended already?”

Loki flexed his hand. “Yes, I can feel the bones have set completely.”

“No problem. We can go downstairs straight after breakfast.” He laughed suddenly. “Can you believe, Tony’s got a fully stocked medical room on the basement level? To say nothing of the two workshops and the massive lab. A year or so back he set up a miniature particle accelerator - the man’s a complete genius!”

“Aww, I’m glad you noticed, Brucie.” The man himself came bouncing up the stairs followed by Jane and Selvig, who were talking animatedly in an undertone.

“Speak of the devil,” Bruce smiled. Tony walked behind him and poked him in the back. “Hey!”

Tony looked at him closely. “What? Nothing?”

Bruce shook his head and laughed. “You know I spent the last few years in a slum, right? The Other Guy doesn’t just come out at the first sign of pointy things.”

Loki raised his eyebrow and looked over Bruce’s head at the second aura, barely visible, around the doctor. The great green creature felt his gaze and turned to him, baring his translucent teeth in a cross between a threat and a grin. This was the first time Bruce had acknowledged the other’s presence, and to learn that he could become corporeal was fascinating.

“You need to let him out more, that’s all I’m saying. Hulk needs walkies.”

Bruce rolled his eyes and shook his head, but Loki saw the creature behind him snicker.

Natasha and Clint arrived together. “Heads up. Coulson’s just had a message the Captain will be arriving in twenty.”

Clint snorted. “He’ll be fixing his hair until then. Guy’s got a hero worship thing going on with Rogers.”

“He has all these vintage trading cards. How long before he tries to get Rogers to sign them all?”

Loki raised his eyebrows, and Tony noticed. “Steve Rogers, Captain America. He was the first superhero, back in world war two, but he went MIA after a mission. He’s been America’s sweetheart since the forties.” Loki frowned at Tony’s bitter tone.

Natasha heard it too. Loki could see her attention snap to him. “Your dad ran the search missions, didn’t he, Stark?”

Tony gave her an insincere smile. “Ran the first few, and financed every subsequent one. Agent’s not the only one who grew up on stories of the great Captain Spangles.” 

“Every American grew up on Captain America stories. Or comics,” said Clint.

“Or the radio show,” added Bruce.

“Or the cartoons?” Natasha asked. “There are always cartoons when Americans are involved.”

“You’re just jealous, Red.”

The sound of a jet engine interrupted the argument, and everyone trouped downstairs to investigate. “What the fuck?” muttered Clint, nodding at the suited figure already in the garden. “How did he even get here before us?”

“It’s Coulson,” Natasha shrugged. “Are you really surprised?”

In front of them, Phil walked up to the back of the quinjet as the ramp lowered. “Captain Rogers,” he called over the engines. “Good to meet you. I’m Agent Phil Coulson. Come and meet the rest of the Avengers.”

A blonde man in khaki slacks and a white button down followed Phil into the house. Loki couldn’t help but draw parallels with his so-called brother, with his blue eyes and excessive musculature. He was coy now, in a new environment, but Loki was sure once he had found his feet he would have the same magnetic personality and sunny glow which would leave him in shadow. At least he knew what to do in that role. As long as they kept Darcy safe, he could stand any taunts the man threw at him.

In the richly furnished downstairs parlour, the Avengers and scientists watched each other with calculating eyes. “This is your team, Captain. I think you’ve met Agents Clint Barton, codename Hawkeye, and Natasha Romanov, codename Black Widow?” The man nodded and shook hands with both agents, giving a formal little smile. Phil spoke to the group as a whole, not just the Captain, using the opportunity to introduce everyone as team-mates. “Hawkeye’s speciality is distance weaponry, particularly archery. He’s the most talented sniper in SHIELD. He’s also worked many undercover operations for us. Black Widow has enhanced healing and strength, and is talented at both armed and unarmed close combat, infiltration and interrogation.” Natasha smirked at him and stepped back into place. Phil gestured to Bruce. “This is Dr Bruce Banner, nuclear physicist.” 

Rogers looked blank as he shook Bruce’s hand, and Bruce sighed. “What Agent Coulson’s too polite to say is that I also turn into an indestructible green monster. I’m the brawn of our group.”

“Oh.” Rogers’ eyebrows nearly reached his hairline.

“This is Loki Walker…are you sticking with that surname, Loki?”

“Yes, thank you.” Loki stepped forward to shake the Captain’s hand as Darcy stumbled into the room, yawning.

“Loki’s the Norse God of Mischief, a Jotun shapeshifter, talented in a form of magic known as _seidr_. He’s extremely strong, has accelerated healing similar to yours, and can teleport.”

“Woah,” laughed the Captain, as Loki stepped back to pull Darcy close. “That’s quite a list. A Norse God?”

“So they tell me,” he smiled.

“And Tony Stark,” Coulson continued, gesturing to the man slouched in an armchair with his legs up on the table. “Also known as Iron Man. He has a weaponised flying suit of armour. This is his house we’re staying in for the time being.”

“Woah, wait, so _am_ I invited to the party? Because I didn’t get a straight answer from St Nick when I asked him last.”

Phil suppressed a sigh. “Yes, Mr Stark, you are in the Avengers.”

“Ha! Screw you, Natalie,” he yelled, pointing at Romanov. “They’re letting me in the ball pool after all.”

“Stark? As in Howard Stark’s son?” Rogers asked, his hand still held out for Tony’s and so far being ignored. 

“Yes. Also as in Maria Stark’s son, and Pepper Potts’ boyfriend, if you need to define me by anyone else.”

“Sorry,” the man blushed like a maiden and pushed both hands in his pockets. “I meant no offence, it’s just…I knew Howard before…”

Tony’s face softened. “Yeah, I heard.” He snorted. “You probably knew him better than me.”

Loki felt a jolt of kinship with the dark haired man, while the Captain frowned slightly.

“For the benefit of Loki, mostly, this is Captain Steve Rogers, better known as Captain America. Advanced strength and healing factor, skilled strategist. He’ll be the leader of the Avengers in the field.” Phil continued, gesturing to the others. “This is Ms Pepper Potts, CEO of Stark Industries and Mr Stark’s girlfriend. Dr Jane Foster and Dr Erik Selvig, astrophysicists, who are discussing some research with Mr Stark. And Darcy Lewis. She’s Dr Foster’s intern, and Loki’s girlfriend.” Phil smiled around at them. “I’ve got to report to Director Fury now. I’ll leave you to get acquainted. It was a pleasure to meet you, Captain.”

“Please, call me Steve.”

There was a tense silence after he left. Everyone stared at each other.

“My god guys, this is like high school all over again,” snorted Darcy. “Let’s go get breakfast, I’m starving.”

“Can I help with anything?” asked the Cap…Steve, visibly relieved to have something to do.

“Sure thing, Stars and Stripes. You any good at bacon?”

“Hey,” yelled Tony. “I do the nicknames around here, Miss Millenial.”

“Weak, Tony,” she shouted back down the stairs. “You’re losing your touch.”

The awkwardness started do dissipate around the dining table as they handed each other platters of scrambled egg, bacon and buttered toast. Phil tried to monopolise Steve, but unlike the dinner of the previous night, their conversations intersected a bit more.

Loki and Clint were taking plates to the dishwasher when Phil’s phone rang. “You’re serious? Now? They’ve only just met each other.” 

The others fell silent and watched him rub the bridge of his nose before hanging up. He turned to the Avengers. “You need to suit up,” he said. Everyone looked at each other, shocked. “That was the Director. We weren’t planning to assemble you all until you’d had a chance to train together, but it seems we don’t have the luxury of time. Jarvis, are there any news channels showing footage from Chicago?”

“I’ll put it up on the screen, Agent Coulson.” Loki and Steve did a double take and looked for the source of the voice.

Bruce smiled at them. “Jarvis is Tony’s AI. Amazing, isn’t he? If you ever need any information just ask, he’s got sensors and speakers all over the house. He’s in Tony’s suit as well, apparently.”

“Wow,” breathed Steve.

They turned to watch the footage. “Well, shit,” muttered Darcy. The others murmured agreement. Shaky footage of the city showed enormous lizards, like komodo dragons, crawling up the skyscrapers, their claws digging into the toughened glass like sand while people screamed and ran in all directions.

“Intel on the ground says there’s some guy standing outside the James R Thompson centre, screaming something about revenge for the government’s cloning programme,” said Phil, pressing a small black earbud into his right ear.

“Does the government have a cloning programme?” asked Jane.

Phil shrugged. “Not that I know of.”

“Would you tell me if they did?”

He flashed a smile. “Probably not. But Mr Stark would have already hacked someone and told everyone and their dog.”

“It’s true,” Tony shrugged, stepping into a red and gold suit of armour behind what had looked like a cabinet door.

“Loki, this is what we needed you for in particular,” Phil continued. “How many people can you transport directly to the site?”

Loki felt everyone’s eyes on him, a feeling he wasn’t accustomed to, especially at the start of a battle. “If everyone can stay close, I believe I could transport you all.” He frowned, thinking. “I think the easiest thing would be for me to bind you together in a force field and tether you to myself.”

“Wait a moment, what?” Clint asked.

“I plan to sky walk with you to Chicago,” he said, suddenly nervous that they were going to laugh at him. “I can step onto Yggdrasil - the world tree - and travel great distances between realms, or simply between states. It can be disconcerting, I would need you to keep your eyes closed while we travel. I am the only being I know of who can cope with the effects it has on perception.”

“Woah, wait, wait, wait,” said Tony, flipping the faceplate of his armour up. “You’re going to take us backstage, on the other side of reality, and you _don’t want me to look?_ Bruce, tell him!”

“Tony, my mother is the strongest _seidr_ wielder I know and she could not cope with more than a few seconds walking on Yggdrasil. When she returned she had to lie in a darkened room for almost a day. I have no idea how it would affect human perception.”

“Lokiiii,” he whined, “you’ve been holding out on me.”

Tony, Steve, Bruce, Natasha and Clint gathered together and watched, fascinated, as he wove his _seidr_ around them, tethering them together. “I will levitate you so I do not have to worry about you keeping your footing on the world tree,” he warned, before lifting them off the ground.

“Holy shit, this is too awesome,” yelped Clint. 

Natasha grinned. “You know he’s not going to leave you alone after this, right?”

Loki tried to focus through the waves of confusion and warmth blurring in his chest. He shifted into his armour and Tony groaned. “That’s just unfair! I haven’t even had time to get you in front of the sensors while you do that!”

Loki had never had so many compliments, and so much genuine interest in his abilities before, and he wasn’t sure what to do with it. He pretended he hadn’t heard any of it and turned to Phil for the co-ordinates. Darcy and Jane, and now Pepper and Selvig as well, were watching with equal interest, and Darcy leaned forward to kiss him before he reached into the veil. Tony’s gasp told him he’d ignored the instruction to keep his eyes shut, but Loki snorted and stayed quiet. He’d have done exactly the same thing. 

It was difficult guiding the group through the branches without getting the tether tangled, but he was pleased that the trip to Illinois did not exhaust him as much as he had feared. A few deep gulps of air, and he was ready to fight. He could not afford to be less than indispensable to these Avengers, or he would lose their protection of Darcy. 

The battle against the poor animals and their clearly insane creator was illuminating. He had taken one look at the blonde, blue eyed and heavily muscled Rogers and assumed he would behave the same as any Aesir, demanding glory and possibly entering a berserker state. He had been ready to contain the worst of the collateral damage while protecting his shield-brothers from the man’s recklessness. It was a role he’d learned well over the centuries. 

But as soon as they arrived, after shaking off the disorientation, the warrior took the scene in, then started making orders. “Tony, take Clint up to the top of that skyscraper, he’ll be our eyes on the big picture. Once you’ve done that, keep up a circuit of the perimeter up to half a mile out, try to keep those lizards contained. Loki, I’m sorry, I don’t know anything about magic, but can you find out if he’s keeping any sort of control over those things, and break it? Once you know more, let Clint know if he can take the ringleader out. Aim to injure, not kill, SHIELD will want to find out whether this guy’s had any support. Natasha, you’re with me. We’re going to try and clear a path for the civilians to evacuate. Bruce?” The man looked at him, resigned. “Now would be a good time to get angry.”

“That’s my secret, Captain. I’m always angry.” And at that the quiet doctor who had tended his wounds so carefully allowed the separate aura Loki had sensed above him to infiltrate his body. The skin turned green, his muscles bulged, and a completely different person emerged, a green giant the size of Byleistr. Loki raised his eyebrows and nodded in greeting to the other when he turned to grin at him, square teeth bared.

“OK. Hulk?” the giant turned with a snort to look at Steve. He pointed to a nearby animal. “Smash.”

For a moment Loki’s lips quirked into a smile as he realised this was how Steve would have to direct Thor in battle, if Thor ever allowed anyone to direct him. He had to shake his head before he could stop Rogers and Romanov from leaving. “I can cast a shield into which you can to guide the evacuees, Captain.”

The man stopped and looked back at him, and Loki steeled himself for sneers about how his tricks were no match for the man’s strength, how he didn’t need a sorcerer’s help to save a few mortals. But it never came. 

“Could you make a tunnel? They can escape out of Tony’s perimeter to safety, if we can get them in.” 

Loki nodded. “I shall make four, leading out of the epicentre in each compass direction, accounting for obstacles. There will be entry points every hundred metres, too small for the reptiles to infiltrate, but large enough for the humans.”

“Thanks, Loki,” yelled Natasha over her shoulder, and the Captain nodded at him, racing down the street as screams came from a clothing store. Loki bent to touch the ground and sent strands of _seidr_ into the tarmac, guiding it to follow the road until it reached the cackling madman in the middle. There, with an extra burst of energy, it split into two to surround the man, then branched off again to form an x shaped network through the centre of the city, and extending well beyond Stark’s perimeter. Loki took a deep breath and let it out slowly between his teeth, pushing harder so that glittering green strands wove themselves together like an arched walkway over the road. 

When it was complete he sat back on his haunches, gasping. He did not usually get so drained during battle. With Thor and his friends, his talents had been restricted to summoning daggers and making illusions, with maybe a few shields and a short teleport. The adrenaline of fighting directly was more than enough to make up for any drain. There was no way Thor or any Aesir would have allowed him to spend so much time bent over the earth tending to his ‘tricks’. He would never have suggested it, for fear of further disgust on their return to Asgard. And if Odin had found that he was being less of a brave warrior than Thor, he would have doubtless been punished for his cowardice.

The first humans rushing past him through the tunnel snapped him out of his inappropriate reverie, and he stood, remembering the first part of his instructions. He ran closer to the man in the middle of the chaos and reached out with his _seidr_ , investigating his aura (completely insane) and his connection to the reptiles (none). “Clear, Barton,” he called into the earpiece, and a slight whistling sound preceded the thunk of a dart piercing the man’s neck. He fell unconscious to the ground, mid rant.

“Great job guys. Can you use some of those exploding arrows to take out the rest of these crocodile things? I don’t think we can afford to take them alive.”

“Yeah, I think even PETA would understand, Cap.”

“How many have we still got to go?”

“I can see three from here,” yelled Clint, his voice distorted by the wind, “but a bunch just went behind another building.”

Loki looked up to spot the glint from Hawkeye’s arrowhead, then teleported himself beside the man. 

“Holy shit!”

“Barton?”

“Yeah, sorry, Loki just appeared. Dude, you know we have comms for a reason, right?”

“My apologies,” Loki dipped his head, then grabbed his arm. “I thought I would take you to get a clearer shot of the remaining creatures.”

Clint immediately closed his eyes, and the complete lack of argument, the trust that these mortals showed him took Loki's breath away. He caught hold of Clint’s arm and held tightly, a tether not needed for such a short jump with only one passenger, then re-emerged on the other side of the block. “Thanks, man,” Clint said, turning to fire his explosive arrows on one reptile, then another. “Can you get us down to that last one there? It’s too close to Nat and Cap to blow it up.”

Steve and Natasha fought with the same synchronicity he had seen in Fandral and Hogun, though they had only known each other briefly, and had never fought in battle together. They understood each other’s skills and had a consideration for each other and everyone else around them that Loki almost wept to see. Twice as they fought the last reptile he saw Steve throw his shield to block a strike to Natasha. Clint leaped on cars and walls, keeping every member of his team in view so he could only fire when he had a clear line. Once Natasha turned and fired at an unseen whipping tail behind Loki’s head, saving him from a painful strike. The shock of _being_ protected in battle, rather than being the protector, knocked him back almost as much as if he had been struck.

When Steve jumped onto the reptile’s back, causing it to lift its head and expose its neck, Clint was finally able to pierce it with an arrow through the softer scales.

“Uh, guys, now we’ve let the Hulk out to play, how are we going to get him to bring Bruce back?” Stark’s voice cut through the comms.

“I will talk to him,” said Loki, teleporting to the green man.

“Yeah, no, I don’t think that works, David Copperfield, he’s not much of a listener.”

Loki stepped towards the Hulk. “Are you yet exhausted?” The Hulk raced towards him and roared, blasting Loki with his hot breath. “Very well,” Loki replied. He turned to the empty street, covered in rubble. He spread his fingers and rearranged the atoms of the concrete chunks, separating them, decreasing their density until they grew and floated. The Hulk immediately started grabbing at the drifting rock, snarling as they spun or moved away rather than shattering when he batted them. He leaped onto a larger one and jumped up and down, roaring as he felt it give under his feet and bounce him back into the air. He managed to get hold of a pair of other pieces, and as he smashed them together Loki’s lips curled into a mischievous smile. The two pieces burst on impact, and Loki cast a simple illusion to make the fragments appear as thousands of tiny birds which whirled around the Hulk. The green beast dropped his hands and laughed at the colourful little mirages which whipped around him. Loki’s smile softened, and he caused the little birds to flutter around in murmurations up and down the streets. The Hulk’s eyes became dreamy, and the muscles around his face relaxed. He sat down on the floating rock to watch the flock chitter and whizz up and down the road and around the skyscrapers. As the earthbound Avengers ran up, his body shrank down to its human size, leaving Bruce with a peaceful smile, his legs hanging off the floating rock.

Loki was about to disperse the illusion, but when he saw the others staring at the birds in as much wonder as the Hulk had, he couldn’t resist letting it last a little longer. At last he lowered Bruce’s rock to the ground, brought the birds through their street for one last wheeling, screeching pass, and disappeared them in a flash of green light. With a flick of his wrist, he cast the illusion of clothes on Bruce’s naked body, and nodded at the man when he looked at him in surprise.

“Wow,” breathed Clint.

“Yeah, I second that. That was awesome, Gandalf.”

“Thanks, Loki,” said Bruce, patting him on the shoulder. “The Other Guy’s never been so calm. I didn’t know he liked birds.”

Loki shrugged. “You are a kind man. The Hulk is a part of you, it makes sense that he should care for small creatures, or at least not try to harm them.”

Bruce nodded thoughtfully, and Steve looked around at everyone. “Is everyone all right? I guess we’d better help with the clear up now.”

“Awww, Capsicle, why d’you have to be such a boy scout?”

“It’s the least we can do, Tony.”

“It’s really not, Steve.” But he joined in, firing his repulsors at the largest pieces of concrete so they could be moved.

Loki stared at his new shield brothers and felt something inside him inflating and swelling until it pressed on his throat. These mortals that the rest of the Nine Realms dismissed as mayflies had fought the sort of beasts that Thor would delight in, but instead of seeking glory and excitement, they had worked to find the fastest resolution, with protection of the innocent their main aim. They then stayed behind to clear up the damage they _and_ their antagonists had caused. They had thanked Loki for his tricks, and then after the clean-up, they _asked_ if he would take them back to New York. Nicely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Darcy's music:   
> Hello by Evanescence  
> Parachute by Charlie Simpson


	12. Friendship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Old and new shield-brothers meet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has the most music in it, but unfortunately I'd written it before LokiTheAssassin13 suggested her awesome songs - I'll try to get them either in this or the sequels ;)

The new Avengers settled into a routine of training, science and intermittent saving of cities. Every now and then Loki would get _used_ to being called out to dinner by someone other than his mother, to being lauded for his role in a battle, to people seeking him out when they wanted company to watch a movie. And then his brain would catch up with events and he’d have to stand to the side, shell shocked, wondering if this is how Thor felt. If so, he could see why he spent so much time with the Warriors Four, because this feeling of being part of something was addictive.

He was looking through books in Tony’s beautiful library when upbeat music started through Jarvis’ speakers. Loki looked up. “Jarvis? What is this?”

“Miss Darcy has asked me to play it for you. She has asked me to tell you she’s on her way to the library.”

_can you see me, i’m shining and it’s you that i’ve been waiting to find_

Loki smiled up as the song built and started nodding his head to the beat, placing his book down as he spun in place, hands in the air. 

_i wanna be the one you steal, i wanna be the one you shield, i wanna be the one that your love, that your love can heal_

Darcy walked through the door and he wrapped his arms around her hips, grabbing her left hand in his and raising it to his lips. She giggled and moved her hips in time with his, her little five month bump pressing against his stomach. “I don’t know much else that can pull you out of a good book,” she grinned, crinkling her nose at him under her glasses. 

“Have I missed lunch again?”

“Nope, I just thought you needed a bit more musical education and I wanted to see your sexy ass moving.” The song changed, starting slow, but rising into a faster beat, and a man singing about small things he mostly didn’t understand. The heart of it was perfect though, and he spun her around, moving his feet and dancing her around the room.

_we can go where you want, say the word and i’ll take ya, but i’d rather stay on the sofa, on the sofa with you_

Darcy let her head fall back, laughing breathlessly as they came to a stop. “Woah, I’m totally unfit!”

“You have a good reason,” he smiled, caressing her belly.

“I like that,” she hummed, kissing him with those perfect lips. “So does the baby.”

He felt the little squirming movements under his hand, through the walls of her body, and rubbed against it with his thumb. “Maybe they like the music.”

“Well, duh, this kid’s gonna have the best taste. I’m giving you both an education.”

“I think the others have taken your task on as well,” he said. “Jarvis, would you please play the song Bruce showed me?”

“Of course, sir.” Piano music came over the speakers, and a rich, echoing voice.

“Oh, baby, you’re playing me Journey,” she grinned.

“You know it?”

“Yeah, I love them.”

He buried his face in her soft brown curls. “It made me think of you.”

_oh girl, you stand by me, i’m forever yours, faithfully_

The song was slower than the others they’d been dancing to, so he tucked her close in to his chest and lost himself in the feeling of her arms around his waist, his fingers buried in her hair.

_two strangers learn to fall in love again, i get the joy of rediscovering you_

“Oh my god, what is this fluff?”

Loki looked up, his feet still. Tony stood at the library doorway with his face scrunched up, Colonel Rhodes behind him, sniggering. Loki grinned and let Darcy go so he could run up the steps to Tony, wrapping his arms around the smaller man. “If you wanted to dance, you only had to say. I would not leave our host out.”

Tony’s mouth dropped open with shock for a short moment, then he shrugged. “You need a bit of finesse, Snake Hips. I’m gonna teach you a proper foxtrot or some shit.” He held Loki’s hand and sent him into a spin as a new song started, throwing himself into the dance with as much enthusiasm as Loki and Darcy had, and Loki tipped his head back in joy with the love and laughter and music and motion.

_and i wasn’t trying to melt this heart of iron but the way you hold me makes the old me pass away_

Rhodes whooped with laughter until Darcy grabbed his hand and wrapped her arms around his waist. “No nononono I don’t dance!”

“Bullshit, Rhodey,” she grinned and sang along.

“What the hell? You guys are having a disco and you didn’t tell me?” 

Loki looked up from some complicated footwork Tony was trying to teach him to see Clint and Steve entering. Clint immediately leaped into the fray. “Hey, Jarvis, play something dance-y, would ya?”

_i got that sunshine in my pocket, got that good soul in my feet_

“C’mon Capsicle, you need to move that sexy leather clad ass here,” yelled Tony. “And Jarvis, why do you even _have_ Justin Timberlake in your system? Get some AC/DC on for god’s sake!”

“Hey!” yelled Clint, but he carried on dancing when the song changed to a fast rif. Tony bent over an imaginary guitar and head banging.

_sound of the drums beatin’ in my heart, the thunder of guns tore me apart_

Darcy whispered something in the direction of Jarvis’ sensors on the ceiling and the music changed. Tony straightened up. “Why would you change that? Lewis, what the hell?”

“I thought you needed to broaden your horizons. You’ve been listening to the same metal bands since you were a teenager, which was freakin’ decades ago, dude.”

_i wear my nine-inch heels when we go to bed, i paint the colour of my lips blood red_

And that was the end of the dancing. Darcy and Tony stood in the middle of the floor arguing about rock and metal and demanding song after song from Jarvis. Clint folded his arms. “We need popcorn for this, cuz we sure as hell can’t dance to it.”

Loki snorted. “They are both extremely passionate about rock and metal.” Lacuna Coil was being interrupted by Guns’n’Roses, which was being overridden by Royal Blood. “Shall we leave them to it and get lunch?”

“Yeah,” grinned Rhodes, patting him on the shoulder. “There’s leftover pizza in the upstairs kitchen.”

Loki felt another rush of euphoria as he walked to the kitchen with the others. Pepper, Natasha and Phil were already there, and all greeted him cheerfully. Once again, he wondered what it was about this realm that he was accepted here, even welcomed. What was it about the mortals? They saw him as an asset instead of a shameful trickster, as strong instead of scrawny, funny instead of annoying. As a friend instead of a burden.

***

He should have known it was too good to last. It was a dragon that did it. They had assembled in Wisconsin, in a field not far from Wausau, where a farmer had reported a large red dragon stealing his sheep. Loki transported the team. Tony was already in the air, herding it back to open land away from dwellings when needed, and Steve was calmly calling instructions as the group stared at the magnificent beast wheeling above them, seeming to glory in the thermals rising over the valley. 

The sudden thunderstorm and gathering clouds startled the creature as much as it did the team. The Bifrost struck mere metres behind them, exposing Thor and the Warriors Four.

Loki’s first thought was that they had decided to kill him after all, the Frost Giant interloper. Thor had held back in the presence of his mother, but it had been months since their last meeting. Plenty of time for him to work up to the decision that killing Loki would be the best thing for the Nine Realms, since SHIELD hadn't managed it a few months ago. He planted himself in front of the mortals, casting a shield over them all. The Avengers were a powerful team, but against five of the strongest of Asgard’s warriors? Loki didn't know who would prevail, and he didn’t want to find out. But Thor barely looked at him. The group caught sight of the dragon and charged.

“Hey, wait!” Steve yelled after them, but Thor was already in the air.

“Shit, they’re moving it towards the town.” Tony’s voice crackled over the comms. “Who the hell is that dude, he’s as fast as I am...shit!”

“Tony, what’s the situation?” The team was tense, all crouched slightly in ready poses, but not wanting to move until they knew where they needed to move to.

“Shit, guys, this is bad. They’ve got it on the ground, they’re fucking destroying it in the middle of the business district, it’s...oh, man, there goes the office block. We’re going to need to do some serious damage limitation. Loki, can you get everyone here? We need to dig people out, this is bad.”

“Bruce, do you think you can keep a lid on the Hulk?” Asked Steve, already gathering everyone together for Loki’s tether. “It’s not the best place for him, but we could use your medical expertise, by the sounds of it.”

“I’ll try,” he replied, visibly shaken. “Loki, if I get too pissed can you get me back here and let the Hulk go nuts?”

Loki nodded and checked that Natasha had finished her Mayday call to SHIELD before dragging them into onto Yggdrasil and out into the carnage of the town. 

The dragon was already dead, the Aesir group standing on top of it, whooping. “Brother!” Thor yelled, waving his hammer. “We have downed the beast. This tale shall go down in legend!”

Loki ignored him, turning to the catastrophic mess the fool had made of the town. Thankfully it had landed in a quiet street, but several cars had been crushed under its bulk, the road was a mangled mess of tarmac, wires, pipes and blood. In its death throes the dragon had brought two buildings down and caused severe structural damage to at least five others. “Loki,” yelled Steve, “can you detect people and guide us to get them out?”

“Yes. I will find make each spark of life visible,” he replied, letting his _seidr_ stretch out for a half mile radius and logging every mortal spark. Flares of light appeared in the rubble like wil o’the wisps. As they watched, one of them flickered and died.

“Does that mean what I think it means?” asked Clint.

“The lights will disappear with the mortal spark,” he nodded.

“Let’s get going then,” Natasha said grimly. 

Loki was starting towards the nearest building when Tony’s voice came over again. “Hey, Lokes, can you shore up the rubble with your _seidr?_ Otherwise we’re going to cause more damage getting in there.”

“Of course, but I do not want to let you go into danger where I do not.”

“No, Tony’s right. This way you’re keeping everyone safe, we’ll be more likely to save more people,” agreed Natasha.

Loki nodded and dropped to the ground again, sending his _seidr_ into the ground as he had in Chicago on their first mission. The strands flowed up in a network, linking rocks and metal to stabilise the structures. He immediately saw the wisdom of Tony’s idea. Even as he joined the rubble he could feel the pieces which had been about to drop, some hovering over injured people. The thought of what would have happened if they had just run in blind, moving rock and metal beneath their feet and possibly crushing the very lives they had come to save, was sickening.

The effort of linking all the pieces of rock and metal was weighing heavily on him. He gritted his teeth and breathed out, sending another wave of _seidr_ into the web. He could hear the rest of his team calling out to each other, felt Natasha push aside a piece of steel attached to his web. He flexed the _seidr_ in that area, moving the links and adding to her own strength. He left her to lift the woman, changing his focus to Steve, then Tony, then Clint. “You’re doing great, Loki, this is amazing,” yelled Steve over the comms, and the warm glow he felt at the simple praise was channeled straight into the web.

He almost lost control of everything when the heavy hand landed on his shoulder. “Brother! What are you doing crouched on the ground when your shield-brothers work?” 

Loki desperately clenched his eyes shut, sweat dripping off his nose, and sent an extra flare through the web when he felt it shiver. “Hurry it up, guys, Loki’s got trouble,” yelled Tony over the comms.

“Go to him, we got this,” Steve shouted back. Loki didn’t want to break concentration to reply that it was just his brother and his idiot friends. He could feel Sif poking his cheek and calling his name, trying to distract him, and he wanted to bury one of his daggers in her thigh. Did she want these mortals to die?

“Hey, Warrior Princess Barbie, back the fuck off.”

Loki heard Tony’s repulsors and the thunk of his suit landing beside him. Sif stood and laughed. “The mortals have interesting soldiers,” she said, but at least she was standing away from him.

“Nah, I’m unique. Unless you count War Machine, but he’s less awesome. And I made him. That’s by the by. Now you lot need to back away from our mage and let him do his work.”

“He is hardly working,” laughed Thor. “And as I am Loki’s brother, he has naught to fear from me.”

“I doubt he fears you, Point Break. But you’re distracting him, and if he drops the rubble, we’ve got a whole load of dead people on our hands, which, might I add, you’re responsible for.”

“What are you talking about, insolent mortal? We have slain the dragon. You and the inhabitants of this pitiful village should be thanking us.” Loki could hear Sif stepping forward, and knowing her, her hand was probably already on her sword.

“Yeah, thanks for driving a fucking dragon away from the nice open countryside and landing it in the middle of a town. Real useful. Now fuck off back to the medieval era.”

“Have care of how you speak. We are of Asgard, protectors of the Nine Realms, and we do not take kindly to your disrespect.” Loki heard Thor’s heavier tread and a flutter of panic rushed through him. Focus! Even in his metal suit, Tony was mortal and oh, so breakable. If Thor’s hammer was too much for the gold titanium alloy, Tony would be seriously injured or even killed by just one strike.

“Loki, is that the last one? I can’t see any more lights.” Clint’s voice startled him, and he felt his _seidr_ flicker. He dragged his attention to the task. It was either leave Tony vulnerable or put the rest of the team and any remaining mortals at risk, and at least Tony was facing his danger. He quickly searched for any last sparks of life.

“Nothing,” he forced out, between gritted teeth. “Move away.”

That was all he could manage, but Steve at least seemed to have got the message. He yelled to them all to retreat. Loki waited, muscles juddering, until his voice came again. “OK, we’re all accounted for.”

Loki should have pulled his _seidr_ back into him slowly and carefully, but the moment he tried to retreat, his body lost control and the web snapped back. Half his _seidr_ dispersed into the rubble, causing the already broken buildings to collapse further, coughing dust high into the air, while the rest whiplashed back into him with a thump. He fell forward onto his face, arms trembling beneath him. 

“Loki! Brother, what ails you?”

“Hey, back off, Ken Doll.” Tony stood over Loki and flipped his face plate up. “Are you OK, Lokes? Shit, hold on, buddy, I’ve got you.” He bent and scooped Loki up, one hand under his back and the other under his knees. “Tash, we’re going to need a transport.”

“Do not dare to touch a Prince of Asgard, man of metal,” Thor roared. Loki’s eyes widened and he struggled to force his aching muscles to respond. 

Tony turned to face Thor, Loki still in his arms, weak and useless. “I’m taking your brother to get some help. Have you got a problem with that, Princess?”

Oh, shit.

Loki scrambled, muscles screaming, _seidr_ sluggish. He threw up a weak shield over the two of them, but the first strike from Mjolnir obliterated it. Tony staggered back, unharmed this time, but Thor was already whirling the hammer, a vicious grin on his face. Tony leaped into the air, boot repulsors whisking the two of them away, but the suit wasn’t made to fly with two, and they quickly landed again, running to the shelter of the ruined building. Loki heard the whistling of Thor in flight and dug deep for the last strands of energy, when a huge clang sounded. Glass shattered in the intact buildings half a mile away, the ruined building beside them collapsed further, and Tony and Loki flew head over heels into the rubble.

When Loki could crawl around to face the battle, he saw Steve and Thor picking themselves off the ground. The shield! Steve’s shield had gone up against Mjolnir and survived unscratched!

“Are we done here?” asked the soldier.

“Aye,” Thor laughed. “You are a great warrior, mortal. We must spar again.”

Steve didn’t bother replying, but ran over to Tony and Loki. “You guys OK?”

“Yeah, thanks Cap,” groaned Tony, hauling himself out and shaking the rubble off his shoulders. “Loki, how you feeling?”

Loki struggled to get his feet underneath him, weak and pathetic. Steve dropped to his knees and wrapped his arm around his shoulder, hauling him up. “Thank you, Captain. I apologise, I will be fine in a moment.”

“Hey, no way do you get to apologise, Lokes,” Tony said, pulling Loki’s other arm over his shoulders. “You did amazing there, no way we could have saved all those people if you hadn’t been holding up the entire damn street. Let’s get you to Brucey, you’re bleeding from your nose and your ears, I’m pretty sure that’s not a good thing.”

“It was the backlash of my _seidr_ , I will heal soon,” he insisted. He had to be useful to them. If they knew how limited his magic was, they would have no use for him, and Darcy would lose their protection. He would lose their friendship. He forced his legs to take his weight and staggered back to the rest of the Avengers.

The SHIELD helicopter transported all of them back to the Stark mansion, including the Aesir, who didn’t seem to realise they had caused so much trouble. Loki watched them laugh and recount their adventure, surrounded by a golden glow, completely unharmed by their battle. He looked down on the tissue covered in his own blood and sighed. They may be fools, they may have rushed in to a battle without all the information, but if Steve had had a chance to explain matters to them, they would have been useful. The Avengers may be angry with Thor and his friends _now_ , but they’d soon see his true worth as the Golden Son of Asgard. All Loki could do was transport and defend, and even then he drained his _seidr_ so much that he ended up quivering on the floor like a child. He felt his heart dropping. He could see how it was going to go. Agent Coulson would see the advantage of having the Aesir warriors on the Avengers team. Steve would be able to direct them the same way he could direct the Hulk, and that would allow Bruce to remain as medical support, which he much preferred. And soon everyone would realise how much better Thor was than Loki, and Loki would fade into the background again, in his role of dishonourable defender, with his tricks and his lies. He was a fool to believe that he could ever keep a group of shield brothers as true friends.

Darcy, Jane and Pepper were waiting for the team in the living room. Darcy held Loki’s face in her hands. “What did you guys do to my boyfriend?”

“Brother, you have found a paramour?”

“And she is with child,” cheered Sif, slapping him on the back. He stumbled, cursing himself and his weakness. 

“Well, at least we know he is not _argr_ ,” said Volstagg cheerfully. “Congratulations, my prince.”

“Oh, _yay_ , the rest of the Space Vikings are back. Good to know they can actually travel, just not when their brother’s really in danger, huh? Hey Errol Flynn.” Darcy waved at Fandral and gave Thor the least sincere smile possible. She tightened her arm around Loki’s waist. He was desperately grateful for that. Maybe Darcy would still stay by his side, even if the others preferred Thor.

Fandral bowed. “Lady Darcy,” he said, and Loki raised an eyebrow. He’d actually managed to be respectful without being smarmy. 

“What do you mean, my lady? My brother has been in no danger of late.”

“Oh, sure, no, apart from that one time when a bunch of Men in Black attacked while his _seidr_ was drained and nearly killed him, but I guess you were busy.”

“Darcy,” Loki said softly, “it really is nothing, it was months ago and—“

“We heard nothing of this! Loki, is this true?”

“It’s fine, Thor. I imagine Heimdall was not watching. I do not need my brother stepping in to fight my battles anyway.”

Thor narrowed his eyes. “Your current injuries suggest otherwise, Brother.”

Loki ignored him and made belated introductions. “Darcy, Jane, Pepper, this is Thor, prince of Asgard, and his warriors Hogun, Sif, Volstagg and Fandral.” Loki gestured to each in turn, then rubbed the bridge of his nose. 

“Loki, you look exhausted, come and sit down. I’ll make you some tea.” Pepper ushered him to the breakfast bar, and Loki felt a stab of shame when he saw how concerned she was for him. He should have insisted on standing, showing that he was not so weak, but the truth was that he was that weak, all his energy drained. 

“Hey, Jarvis, could you order some pizza?” said Tony, now just in his black undersuit. “Lots of pizza.”

“So,” said Jane, with forced cheer. “Are all you Asgardians ridiculously muscular?”

The Aesir laughed, and Thor walked over to wrap one arm around Loki’s neck, ruffling his hair with the other hand. “Aye, my lady, all but my brother here.”

“Loki has always been tiny,” hooted Volstagg, and Loki felt his face flame.

“Everyone’s tiny to you, my voluminous friend,” smiled Fandral.

“Aye, but Loki was always so delicate. Always running after you, Thor, like a little shadow. Bless his heart.” He chuckled and patted Loki on the head, laughing when the stream of blood from his nose started up again. “My apologies, little prince.”

“Loki,” chided Thor, a line appearing between his eyebrows. “You really have not been keeping up on your training if you are so weakened by a little magic trick. Do not tell me you have forgotten to fight like a true warrior already?”

Loki crunched the tissue in his hand and carefully mounded his face into an expressionless mask, waiting for the mortal soldiers to join in the teasing.

“Wow,” said Tony. “There’s my childhood, right there. I mean, minus the magic, and Shakespeare in the park.”

“Yeah,” snorted Clint. “Mine too.”

“And me,” Bruce added.

Steve just looked furious. “Did you guys just miss what happened out there? You five turned up out of nowhere and turned a small containment issue into a natural disaster. People died, and they would have been fine if it weren't for your irresponsibility. And if it weren't for Loki _and his magic_ , it’d be a lot more than just five fatalities.”

“How dare you speak to a prince—”

“No, how dare _you_ speak to a prince like that?” Steve snapped. “You call Loki brother, so that means he’s a prince too, right? Well, all I’ve heard from the lot of you is snide insults and disrespect, when Loki’s just exhausted himself saving lives that you put in danger. You’re bullies, all of you, and I don’t take kindly to bullies.”

“Steve, please.” Loki quickly stood, putting himself between the Captain and the furious Aesir. “It’s all right.”

“It’s not, Loki. These guys are assholes.” Tony turned to Thor. “You can either apologise to Loki, or you can fuck off back to fairyland.”

“Tony, I beg of you.” Loki was frantic. Thor was already in the kind of mood that had ended in several fist fights. Loki could handle his big brother by being sneaky, even when his magic was depleted as now, but Tony wasn't even in his suit. 

Pepper stood by Loki, trying to appease Tony as well. “Tony, you’re putting Loki in a difficult situation here too. Come on, they’re guests, let’s everyone calm down and we’ll all have pizza.”

Loki gave Pepper a grateful smile. “Yes, please, do not sully your reputation as a host on my account.”

Tony patted Loki on the cheek and laughed. “Lokes, I love you, but my reputation as a host is already shot to shit. But sure, whatever. It’s your brother.” He cast a dirty look at Thor. “I’m just glad I’m an only child.”

Loki let out a breath as Tony turned on his heel and marched out. “Some of your mortal friends are very rude,” sniffed Thor. “When Heimdall told us that you faced a dragon, we knew we could not let you go into this battle alone.”

Loki plastered a fake smile on his face and ushered the group to the sitting room, past Steve, with his arms crossed and glowering. Loki hoped he did not think him too much of a coward. “Certainly, Thor, and we are all in awe of your prowess. But please, next time, it would be appreciated if you would join your forces with ours instead of jumping ahead of us into battle. We can provide you with vital local information.”

Dinner was a tense affair. Loki could not decide whether he was relieved that his friends were not yet choosing Thor over him, or just anxious at the undercurrents of anger from the Avengers. Either way, he was barely able to force down enough pizza to replace the energy lost during the day’s spellcasting. Thor, Sif and Volstagg barely noticed the atmosphere, and regaled everyone with stories of their exploits. Hogun barely talked, as usual. But Jane and Fandral were making a deliberate effort to integrate the two groups, and he was grateful for them. 

Jane took a bite of her pizza and fidgeted in the sudden awkward silence. “Soooo…what’s the weather like in Asgard?”

“It is passing hot, Lady Jane. Asgard is in the midst of the summer months, and it is warmer than usual.” Thor jerked his chin at Loki. “You would be glad to miss it, Brother.”

“Loki has always detested the heat,” Sif said in an aside to Darcy.

“Well, if you guys wear leather all the time, I’m not surprised,” Bruce smiled.

“His hair used to curl in the humidity. It would take him hours to fix it to his desires every morning.”

“Yes, how many quests did you miss because you would not leave your room in time, Loki?” Volstagg chuckled.

Loki forced a laugh. He was tempted to point out that Volstagg had kept them waiting many more times due to hangovers and late breakfasts, but strangely the others had never seen fit to leave without _him_. But then they had never been looking for excuses to leave the large warrior behind.

“You used to get ill when it was particularly hot,” Thor continued.

“And now we know why,” murmured Hogun.

The Aesir fell silent and looked at each other awkwardly. Loki’s heart fell through his stomach.

“I could not believe it when we found out.” Volstagg shook his head.

“It does make a certain amount of sense,” said Sif, looking at him with her head on one side. “He has always been different.”

“Different how?” Bruce asked, a slight undercurrent of danger in his words. “You mean like he had food intolerances, or his body temperature was lower than average?”

“No, nothing like that,” she replied thoughtfully. “More like he never fitted in.” Volstagg was nodding, as if they were discussing merits of the latest sagas, and not his entire life. “He’s always been one for tricks, which is not very Aesir.”

Tony raised a fist in a salute, his eyes still firmly on the tablet on his lap. “Trickster gods are awesome.” 

Loki ducked his head and tried hard not to smile.

“What do you mean, Anthony?” Thor boomed.

Tony looked up from his tablet. “Trickster gods exist in every culture. They often bring knowledge and technology to the humans, but mostly they’re the ones who mess with the status quo and challenge authority.”

Steve snorted. “Yeah, no big surprise that you’d like trickster gods.”

“Brer Rabbit, Coyote, Anansi, Reynard the fox, Raven, and Loki. Sounds like one hell of a party.” Loki grinned openly and turned Tony’s scotch into a rabbit which hopped across the table and soaked into a napkin. “Woah! Loki, you little shit,” he laughed, and threw a pizza crust at him. Loki turned it into a raven, flying it round the room in a blaze of light. The rest of the Avengers cheered and reached up to touch the bird as it passed them, but Thor shook his head.

“You should not encourage my brother.”

“Why the hell not? It’s awesome,” said Darcy. Just for that, he materialised a flower for her, and she kissed him on the cheek.

“Such trifles are entertaining, but Loki uses these tricks when he ought to fight honourably,” Thor continued. “Do you remember Nornheim?” The other Aesir nodded, and Loki sank down into his seat. “We were in battle against a glorious foe, and he called up a mist to obscure us, with eldritch shapes to fright our enemy, making them believe there were many more of us than there were.”

“We would have died, Thor,” Loki sighed. But he knew it was no use. His father had been angry with him for that, too, when they had returned and told the tale. Of course they had won, in a battle of a hundred to one, so there was plenty of glory to be had. But even Volstagg, whose wife had just had yet another child, was furious with Loki for his tricks.

“You can do that?” asked Phil, leaning forwards. “We could use that some time, Loki.” Natasha nodded, and the other Avengers voiced their agreement. Loki stared around at all of them. In the face of Thor’s disdain they were _still_ taking his side, and he could not see _why_.

Neither, it seemed, could Thor. “This is not honourable battle, Steve Rogers,” he insisted. “You humans are young, and have not seen the glory of a true battle against a worthy foe, you do not—“

“Actually,” snapped Steve, “I have. I’ve been in a war, and there’s nothing glorious about watching the men beside you fall choking on their own blood, or leaving your soldier’s body behind unburied because you have to move on before the Nazis catch up. There’s nothing worthy about killing a man because he was born on the other side of a line on a map and his leaders have some crazy views on how some people should be treated like vermin just because of what religion they follow. War is dirty and gruesome and…and if I’d had Loki on my team back then I’d have been grateful for every trick he had, every illusion and shield and teleport and magically returning dagger, because if he’d been there, maybe the man I love would still be with us.” Steve’s voice cracked at the end, and he stood up, marching out of the room with his fists clenched at his side.

“Shit,” sighed Clint. “I’ll go see if he’s OK.”

“Did he talk of the _man_ that he loves?” asked Volstagg.

“Seriously?” snapped Tony. “That’s what you take from his speech? Just…you know what? Forget it. I’m out.” He threw his tablet onto the table and walked out through another door. Pepper looked after him, then between Agent Coulson and Loki, as if deciding whether to follow Tony or not. Eventually Phil nodded and she shot off her seat and went after her lover.

“Well, at least Loki is not _argr_ , though it surprises me.” Volstagg grinned at Darcy. Fandral caught Loki’s eye and quickly looked away, and Loki felt his heart bleed for his friend. Fandral still had to hide everything, when he was surrounded by people who accepted so many unsavoury aspects of his personality.

“What’s argor?” asked Darcy, her nose crinkled up as she mutilated the pronunciation. “You said that before.”

“It describes a man who prefers to bed other men,” Hogun said, his voice as expressionless as always. “The Aesir do not approve.”

“You Vanir can do what you like when on Vanaheim,” Thor laughed and nudged Hogun, who looked unimpressed. “But a prince of Asgard should behave as Asgard expects.”

“But I am not a prince of Asgard, am I?” snapped Loki, glaring daggers at Thor. “I never have been. I am the monster who will eat you if you do not behave yourself, the mortal enemy of Asgard, the snake in the grass. I’m sure it explains everything that was ever wrong with me. That I practice _seidr_ , that I look nothing like my so-called family, that I have no honour. And yes, that I have taken men as lovers.”

The Aesir all took a breath at the same time. It would have been funny if he hadn’t just admitted to their greatest taboo. When he remembered Darcy sitting right next to him, he paled, and all the anger drained out of him. He turned to face her. “I understand if you want no more to do with me,” he said quietly. “Only please allow me to continue to make protective wards for our child?”

“Why would I care who you’ve been with before?” she asked. “I’ve had girlfriends in the past. Well, one, but she was hot.” She tilted her head to the side and considered the ceiling.

“You have? You…you do not find it reprehensible?”

“OK, we’re totally going to watch Pride, honey. In America we’re trying to get better at the whole equality thing,” she explained to the Aesir, still looking unconcerned. “It’s a work in progress, there are still plenty of people who are bigots, like you lot. Steve’s bi, like me and apparently like Loki. That means we like either gender. Phil’s gay, the rest are pretty solidly het. Oh, and it’s totally legal for two men or two women to marry.”

Loki risked a glance at Fandral, who was staring at her like she held the meaning of life. Sif looked like she was trying to figure the whole thing out like a mathematics problem, not her main talent, and Volstagg and Thor looked horrified. Hogun just rolled his eyes, and Loki’s lips twitched to see such a childish reaction from the grim man.

Thor shook his head suddenly. “I do not believe you, Loki. You have ever been one for lies and tricks.”

It was Loki’s turn to roll his eyes. “I really don’t care, Thor. I live on Midgard now, with people who do not deride me for my tastes, my appearance and my _seidr_. I am not a prince of Asgard, why should I care what Asgard thinks?”

Thor frowned. “You are still a son of Odin, in all but blood. When father awakes, this foolish sabbatical shall end and you will have to return to do your duty.”

“No, Thor, I really don’t think I will. My duty as the second son, advising the great King Thor? When everyone knows now that I am a Frost Giant in disguise? Who will accept such advice?”

“I will,” he replied, thumping his chest.

“You have never listened to anything I’ve ever said, Thor. I never planned to get things done through you, but through the council, who have half a brain between them at least. Now, knowing that I am not just the dishonourable dark prince, but a Jotun, I will not be able to achieve anything." His face softened as he looked at his brother, who while a complete oaf most of the time, still cared for him. Leave me here, Thor, forget about me. I am happy for once, I have shield brothers.”

“We are your shield brothers!”

“You are not even my real brother! And the Warriors Four are _your_ friends, who have only ever tolerated me because of my relationship to you.” Fandral frowned at that. “Yes, Fandral even you - you may enjoy my company but if it has ever been a choice of me or Thor, you have always chosen Thor.”

“Brother, why do you cast aside our realm for these imagined slights?”

Loki leaned his head back on the sofa and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “I am still not changing my mind, Thor.”

Thor got to his feet, glaring at Loki. “Father shall hear of this when he awakes.”

“He is not my father,” Loki snapped.

“Oh, then will you go to Jotunheim and spend time with your blue family there?”

Loki stood in one smooth movement and slipped into his blue skin, keeping his bare skin away from the leather sofa and enjoying the gasps of his former companions. “I have, actually. I enjoy spending time with my brother and his wife. I am to be an uncle soon.”

Sif snarled at Loki, then turned to Darcy, who’d stood with him. “You allow this creature into your bed?”

“Fuck yeah,” she breathed, and kissed him. The heat of her hands branded onto his cold skin, her plump lips pressed agains his black ones. He wanted to pull away at first, tell her she didn’t have to pretend to feel passion for this strange face, but her tongue swiped at his lips and he gasped, fingers tightening around her waist. When they pulled apart, Darcy lowered herself from her tiptoes and pressed her head against his. 

“Brother,” said Thor, quietly. The shock of it was enough for Loki to jerk his head up to look at him. His shoulders had dropped slightly, letting go of the prince and leaving only his foolish big brother. “I am glad for you.” He reached out to put his hand on Loki’s neck. Loki quickly shifted back to his Aesir skin to avoid burning him, but the thought that Thor had been wiling to touch a Jotun warmed his heart and balanced some of the sting of their insults. 

Darcy tucked herself under his arm while they took their leave, and Natasha led them outside where they could call for Heimdall to send the Bifrost. “No offence, Loki,” said Jane, letting out a long breath. “But your brother’s a bit of a dick. An incredibly attractive dick, but a dick all the same. And his friends.”

“If it helps,” he replied, “I’m not actually related to any of them.”

“You should bring your Jotenheim family over for a visit instead.”

Loki shook his head. “The Jotnar are forbidden from travelling between the realms. I can travel where I like because my magic cloaks me from Heimdall’s sight, but expecting my brothers to travel here would be a death sentence for them."

“Maybe you can take some of us to visit. Babies should know their cousins,” Darcy smiled, rubbing her belly. 

Loki wrapped his arms around her. “You really don’t mind?”

“Mind what?”

“My family…my background. Everything I am.”

Darcy laughed and slipped her fingers into his hair. “Of course not. I mean, I mind that people have hurt you, but everything you are is what I love.” She pulled him down to kiss his forehead. “But right now, I think we need to put some music on and dance around and forget about this shitty day.”

“That sounds like a plan,” Natasha grinned as she came back into the room. “I’ll go see if Clint and Steve want to join the party.”

“Hey Jarvis,” called Darcy. “Play my Dancing Makes Everyone Feel Better playlist please?”

“Of course, Miss Lewis,” replied the AI, and the speakers blared.

_and you don’t have to care so don’t pretend, nobody needs a best fake friend_

Darcy grabbed Loki’s hands and settled them on her waist, twisting her hips and snapping her fingers over his shoulders. Coulson held his hand out to Jane, who curtseyed and laughed as he spun her into the centre of the room. 

_no you don’t have to wear your best fake smile, don't have to stand there and burn inside oh, oh, oh if you don’t like it_

Loki looked around at his friends, standing up or coming back in the door, Clint leading Steve to dance by the sofa, Natasha dragging Bruce out of his seat, and Tony leaning into Pepper’s embrace, and felt a wave of bliss rush through his body like nothing he’d felt before. These were _his friends_. They had chosen him over Thor, though he was no longer linked to the throne of Asgard, no longer even an Aesir but a feared Frost Giant. They were his friends though he could give them nothing, and the ecstasy and gratitude he felt seemed to fill up a part of him he hadn't realised was empty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thor is an oblivious idiot, but he really does care for Loki. He actually has his own issues with bravado that I barely touch on in this story, to be honest, but it comes out a bit more in the sequel I'm currently first-drafting (this one's all written, it just needs serious editing, that's why it comes out bit by bit...that and I crave your kind messages like water!) He also finds it incredibly difficult to see things from Loki's point of view - Loki's good at hiding his feelings, and he's very different to anyone else Thor knows. That said, he is still a douche.
> 
> Music!  
> Shine by Years and Years  
> Sofa by Ed Sheeran  
> Faithfully by Journey  
> I'm Yours by Alessia Cara (which by the way is my FrostIron soundtrack...seriously the words are perfect!)  
> Can't Stop the Feeling by Justin Timberlake  
> Thunderstruck by AC/DC  
> Apocalyptic by Halestorm  
> and at the end Best Fake Smile by James Bay
> 
> Also everyone in the world needs to watch Pride. It's hilarious and tragic, and there's not a single one of the main characters who's NOT likeable ^_^
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	13. Fatherhood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for discussions of past child abuse and a character who's been gas-lighted (gas-lit?) into believing he's to blame.

Loki was lying against the armrest of the sofa, his legs bent at the knees to support The Amber Spyglass when Darcy stomped in and slumped on the sofa between his feet. He adjusted his limbs so she could lean on his chest, her glasses digging into his ribs a little. “Was working in the library really so bad?”

She shrugged. “No. I checked my emails, and I got an A on that paper I wrote about crowd psychology and dynamics.” 

He smiled and kissed her head. He had been escorting her to college in New Mexico every day through Yggdrasil, and collecting her after lectures, or just wandering around the town with her. “But something bothers you still?”

She let out a long breath of air that warmed his chest under the faded blue t-shirt. “We can’t use those names.”

“Pardon?”

“You know we wanted Verity for a girl or Nathan for a boy? Yeah, we can’t use them any more. Back to the drawing board.”

“Why not?” He wrapped his arms around her, trying to give her comfort without knowing what words would help most.

“I read up on Norse Mythology. There was a translation in Tony’s library.” His arms tightened around her, but he kept quiet and waited until she had the shudders in her breath under control. “In the myths, Loki and Sigyn’s children were called Vali and Narfi. I know it’s not the same but…”

“No,” he whispered, “I know what you mean.”

He had avoided reading any of the myths, but when Darcy fell asleep that night, curled up against his chest while he rubbed the little mound of her belly, he used his new StarkPhone to search wikipedia.

He knew it was a bad idea. There’s a difference between knowing, and actually reading tales about yourself and friends, family and enemies. Descriptions of the Loki of myth varied between evil and cruel, to bitter and twisted by betrayal, or in some cases ridiculous and clown-like. The worst was seeing parallels to some of these myths in his own life - he knew nearly every person mentioned in those hateful tales. He didn’t understand what was going on. Was this some sort of prophecy? If so, was he right in the middle of transitioning from Odin’s blood-brother to the drunken, bitter creature who would stage a mass character assassination and end up tied to a rock with venom dripping onto him?

He shivered. Darcy squirmed at the movement, and he carefully eased his way out from under her and wandered through the mansion in the dark, trying not to think. There was no way out of this, because no matter what he did, he would be a terrible person. Leaving was out of the question, he could not trust Odin not to seek Darcy and the baby out and hurt them while they were unprotected. They had the _Singasteinn_ but Odin was a very powerful sorcerer, and with the Odinforce behind him, he might be able to overpower Loki’s own wards. Loki was barely able to relax when Darcy was out of his sight for classes, or when he had to do battle with the Avengers.

Instead, he was going to expose an innocent child to his own terrible personality and bad temper. This child was going to hate him.

The light in the main living room made him blink, and he was surprised to notice he wasn’t the only person awake.

“Hey there, Snow White.” Tony gestured with a glass full of amber liquid. “Drink?” Loki nodded and sat on the other end of the soft white sofa, taking the offered whiskey gratefully. “What’s keeping you awake then?”

Loki struggled to find the words, frowning at the ice cubes clinking in the drink. He opened his mouth to lie and brush the concern off, but the truth came spilling out of him. Some God of Lies he was.

“I am going to be a terrible father.”

Tony opened his mouth, then closed it again, and sat back on the sofa with a hiss. “Yeah, I’m not gonna be much help there.”

“I was not expecting it.”

They were silent for a moment. Then Tony spoke again. “What are you worrying about most?”

“I have been a failure my whole life. I manage to displease my own adopted father by my mere existence. I imagine he regrets picking his enemy’s son up on the battlefield.”

“Woah, wait, what?”

“You know I am Jotun, not Aesir like my family - the family that raised me?” Tony nodded. “After the war a thousand years ago, Odin Allfather took the Casket of Ancient Winters from the Jotun temple. I had been left as a blood sacrifice. Son of a king, so a good enough offering, but illegitimate and tiny, so not so great a loss.”

“Well, their loss is our gain.”

Loki’s face creased up in a genuine smile. The pleasure at being _welcome_ still hadn’t gone away in the months since he’d joined the Avengers. Then the reality of fatherhood weighed down on him again and he stared back at the floor. “Tony, after the baby is born, will you allow us to stay for a short while? I know it’s selfish of me to ask, when there is no advantage to you—“

“Are you kidding me? I wasn’t expecting you to up and leave as soon as the baby arrived, unless you want to.” Tony laughed and ran a hand through his hair. “You guys, it’s the weirdest thing. I invited you over for a couple of days of science and team building, and then there was the whole evil dinosaur thing and suddenly I can’t live without you all.”

“You have been endlessly kind to us, Tony.”

“Nah,” he waved his hand at Loki. “I’m a selfish bastard. I keep you around for myself.”

“Then I am grateful for your selfishness.”

Tony snorted. “So. Baby. When’s it due again?”

“September the fifth. Darcy is six months along.”

“What do you need, Lokes?”

Loki rubbed his face hard enough to see stars. “I…I need you to watch me. Make sure I’m not being a terrible father. If you see me doing anything that’s not right, stop me?”

Tony slipped forward on the sofa and rubbed Loki’s shoulder. “What makes you think you’ll do anything that bad? You’re a good guy, Loki, you’re becoming a father, not having a personality transplant.”

“I’m very good at hiding my true personality. For some reason you mortals think I am in some way benevolent, but for a thousand years I have tricked and lied and angered nearly every being I have ever known. I have a terrible temper, I hold grudges, I have non-existent morals and I do not care about anyone but myself.” 

He was stopped mid-rant by Tony laughing, and whipped round to look at him, furious. “Loki, do you realise how much bullshit you’re talking? Don’t care about anyone but yourself? What about that time you teleported in to grab Steve out of the way of a sneak attack with those spider robots? Or taking a bullet for Natasha when she was fighting those three inhumans in Des Moines? Or going to watch Clint’s back when nobody else noticed one of those purple aliens creeping up on him New Orleans?”  

“That is different. You are my shield brothers, it is a matter of reciprocity.”

“Suuure it is.”

“And you humans are so breakable. I heal faster than even Steve and Natasha.”

“But that’s my point. You care enough about us to take injuries meant for us.”

“Only because it does not mean as much to me. I assure you if I was in any serious danger—“

“You do that a lot, you know.” Tony’s smile had disappeared, and Loki’s arguments died beneath the serious gaze. “You try to convince us you’re a bad person.”

“Because I don’t want you to say I didn’t warn you when you find it out for yourself.”

“Who was it who taught you you’re a bad person?”

“I do not—“

“For me it was my dad. He made it very clear I was unwanted, I was a pain in the ass, always interrupting him while he was working. I still feel like a pain in the ass when I bug Pepper. I know I bug Steve, but I can’t stop it. I watch myself doing it, knowing they’re thinking the same as dear old Dad, but I can’t help myself. I keep pushing, pushing, until one day they’ll snap and I’ll sit back in satisfaction because I know this place, I know how to be the irritating little waste of space.” He shook his head. “And you’re doing the same. I’ll bet a lot of money it’s a parent for you too.”

Loki was silent for a long time. The words just wouldn’t come. Eventually he nodded.

“Your dad?”

His lips twisted. “I called him father at the time, yes.”

“Oh, the guy who stole you as a baby from the enemy race, huh? Nice. So you know he was wrong, yeah?”

“I…”

“Lokes, you’re not a bad guy.”

“Odin was not a bad father, if I am being fair. He had the Nine Realms under his care, and a king cannot let the misdemeanours of any of his subjects go unpunished, especially not those of his own son.”

“So what did you get punished for? Just as an example?”

“Lying. Being disrespectful. Defying my instructors. Breaking the rules.”

“OK, what was the last big thing you were punished for?”

Loki winced. “Challenging Logi.”

“Really? Loki versus Logi?”

Loki smiled with half his mouth. “Thor and his friends and I were travelling in Alfheim. We had been told not to visit this one principality, because of the power of the lord of the area, Logi, who was openly against Odin’s rule and had a volatile temper. Of course, Thor wanted to face him. We were camping in a large clearing, and the following morning we awoke to find Logi’s hall behind us, where before there had only been forest. He welcomed us in, and invited us to undertake three challenges. I saw the trap, I did _try_ to convince them to leave, but they just thought I was being cowardly as usual.” He grimaced as he remembered the mockery. It had been a common thing then, but now he had something to compare it to, he realised how little they had thought of him.

“Let me guess - you lost?”

“Of course,” he snorted. “The challenges were impossible. Logi praised us in his most patronising terms as we lay on the floor exhausted and bloody. He said we had done better than he expected, and _nearly_ worried him with our prowess.”

Tony snorted. “He sounds like my kinda guy.”

“Indeed. I think I would have enjoyed his company were we to meet in different circumstances as well.”

Tony laughed loudly and quickly covered his mouth so as not to wake the other residents of the house. “So what happened?”

Loki sighed and leaned his head back. “Odin was waiting for us when we returned. I have long been able to shroud us all from his sight. I often do as a matter of course. But Logi sent a message ahead of us informing Odin of his sons’ failures.”

“Ouch.”

“Yes.”

“So you guys got grounded?”

“How did you know?”

Tony shrugged. “I was joking. I thought it would be something worse, to be honest.”

Loki looked away. “That is what my mother said. My punishment could have been worse. I have had worse punishments in the past, but you asked for my latest.”

“So how long did you have to stay in your room, then?”

“My rooms? What have they to do with it?”

“Where do you stay when you’re grounded?”

Loki frowned. “In the ground, of course.”

“Wait…” Tony turned on the sofa, lifting his knee up so he was facing Loki with his whole body. “What are you talking about? In the ground?”

“Yes. When one is grounded on Midgard, is one not placed in the ground?”

“Jesus fucking Christ, no! What the fuck? What exactly happened, Lokes?”

Loki hesitated, unsure why Tony was reacting so violently. “When we returned, Fath—Odin was furious. He sentenced us to a whipping. We were already injured, and I begged permission to visit the healing rooms first. He flew into a rage with me, said this whole venture was my doing, that I had manipulated them all into going with me.”

“What? Didn’t Thor say anything?”

“He did.” Loki smiled slightly. “He told Odin that it had been his quest, that I had tried to discourage them. Odin told him that was my manipulation. That I knew he would be more likely to do something when someone tried to talk him out of it.”

“What the fuck?”

Loki shrugged. “Perhaps it is true. I should have known the more someone tries to tell Thor he cannot do something, the more likely he is to do exactly that.”

“No, no, that’s a completely different thing. You’re saying you should have known how Thor would react, and maybe that’s true, but your dad…sorry, not your dad, but whatever…he’s saying you were doing that on purpose?”

“I…suppose,” Loki frowned. He had never made the distinction before.

“So what did he do to you?” Tony’s voice was vibrating with tightly controlled anger.

“I was grounded. With his magic he placed me within a solid rock, immobile but able to breathe.”

“How long?” 

Tony’s breathing sounded strained, and Loki turned to face him, concerned. “Are you unwell?”

“How fucking long, Loki?”

“A month.”

His breath hissed out, and Tony looked like he had deflated. “How the fuck is that even possible?”

“My _seidr_ kept me alive. Odin knew that it would.”

“But the psychological effects…you can’t tell me you just walked out of there.”

“I did not,” Loki shuddered. “When the light hit me it was like daggers to my eyes. My skin felt like I was being blistered with every touch, and my muscles were in such cramps from the immobility that my mother had to place me under a spell to relax me enough to fit into the soul chamber.”

“That’s torture, Loki. Do you understand that? Your adopted father would be thrown into jail for doing a _fraction_ that to someone here, and for a leader to do that to one of his subjects, he’d be up in the Hague for human rights abuses. Alien rights. Whatever. That is not acceptable punishment for our worst criminals, and from what I can see this shit wasn’t even your fault. Jesus, what did your Mom say?”

“She has always reminded me that everything Odin does has a purpose. That I must try harder to keep my brother out of trouble, he has always been so reckless.” Loki smiled as he remembered his mother’s gentle hands stroking through his hair, the only touch he could handle at that time.

“Wow,” Tony snorted and slumped back in the sofa again, glaring at the darkened windows. “So Thor’s an asshole and it’s all your fault?”

“That is not what she meant—“

“No? Sure sounds like she was blaming you for your big brother’s actions.” His head snapped up to look at Loki again. “You do _know_ it wasn’t your fault, right? Odin had no right to punish you like that, you did nothing wrong. And your mom shouldn’t expect you to control your brother, he’s his own person, for god’s sake.”

“My mother has always had our best interests at heart. She knows Thor is reckless and I should know better. I should be more of a calming influence on him.”

“Why the fuck should you? You’re not your brother’s keeper, Loki. This sounds an awful lot like victim blaming to me and it’s just…it’s fucking sickening. You’ve spent, what, the past thousand years being told you’re a bad boy because you’re not controlling your nutcase brother’s actions? You know what we’ve got here? This is a classic fucking case of narcissistic parenting. Your brother’s the golden child, you’re the scapegoat, and you mom’s just enabling your dad by allowing him to get away with his demands for narcissistic supply.”

“My mother has done nothing wrong—“

“Yeah, but when was the last time she put her _kids_ before her husband? Did she tell him he was going too far? Or did she side with him and believe you’re the bad guy as always?”

“Hey, Tony, what's going on here?” Pepper walked into the living room in her pyjamas, yawning, and stopped when she saw Loki. “Why are you shouting at Loki?”

Loki felt a chill when he heard the steel in her voice, and the anxiety that had been bubbling under his skin since Tony had started yelling began to race through his whole body.

“What? I wasn’t shouting at Loki!”

“Do you want to tell him that?”

Tony turned to look at Loki properly, and Loki flicked his gaze to the smaller man out of the corner of his eyes, keeping his hands clenched between his knees and wondering what he could say to diffuse the tension. 

Tony sighed and slumped in his chair. “I’m sorry, Lokes, I didn't mean to get to het up. I’ve just been there, you know? I was lucky, though. Rhodey and Pepper helped me understand that my dad was a huge narcissist, and I learned to stop blaming myself for never being able to keep his attention. It was never going to happen, narcs just _can’t_ love a child unconditionally. So I see you in that same situation and it just makes me fucking _angry_ , you know? For you.” 

Loki forced himself to try and meet Tony’s gaze, but the man scrubbed his face with his hands. “I’m sorry, man. I’m going to bed, OK? Sorry for waking you, Pep.” He stood up and patted Loki on the shoulder, then paused at the doorway. “You’re a different person, Lokes. You won’t make the same mistakes with your kids.”

Loki bowed his head and rested it on his clasped hands. When Pepper walked over to sit down next to him, he jumped, forgetting she’d been in the room. “You’re worried about being a good father?”

He looked up at the beautiful redhead. There was something so young and yet so ancient in her vibrant green eyes, a tragedy swirling just beneath the surface. He wondered if her father had been as terrible as Stark and Odin, and found himself begging all the fates that the man had been worthy of her.

“You’ll be a wonderful father.”

“How can you know,” he begged in a whisper.

Tears shimmered in her eyes, and he felt an overwhelming need to make everything better for her, solve her problems and keep anyone from harming her. “I _know_ , Loki.” And then she was gone, her hand over her mouth, bare feet soundless on the carpet, and Loki felt the misery settle into his chest. He had managed to upset both his kind hosts, just by being himself, as usual. He sat there for long moments, the conversation swirling around his head, wondering at everything Tony had said to him. There was so much he didn’t understand, so many things he had never considered before. He had always known he was a problem, and now Tony was suggesting it had never been him at all.

“Jarvis?”

“Yes, Mr Loki?”

“Please could you explain narcissism to me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should just say, I don't believe Odin showed evidence of being this bad in the movies. I do think there's a serious narcissistic dynamic going on in that family with the golden child and the scapegoat, and Frigga being a bit of an enabler, but I got that more from Thor 2 rather than Thor 1. It's less obvious in Thor 1 but yeah, you can see that...or you can see a father who's just fucking up a bit and didn't express his love for his children nearly enough. There is a reason my Odin is like this, though, beyond me just being mean to Loki!


	14. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We learn more about Verity's past.

He tried to hide in the grounds of the mansion. He would have gone further, hid himself away to get the boiling emotions and horror under control, but he couldn’t focus enough. He couldn’t even trust himself to move through Yggdrasil, and only got to the small lake by stumbling out of the door and running until he couldn’t see the building any more, then collapsed under a tree and curled up against it as sobs wracked his body. His _seidr_ , without his permission, started playing music around him with grieved flickers.

_is there anybody calling i can see the soul within and i am not worthy_

He heard Jarvis’ calm, electronic voice in his memory, reciting damning information about learned behaviour, family dynamics, and symptoms, and while he could recognise Odin in many of them, he could, horrifyingly, see himself in many as well. This went beyond his trickster nature. How could he possibly expose another child to a father like that, perpetuating the cycle and creating a chain of self-absorbed, cruel people, destroying every happiness around them? How could he bear to let Darcy deal with being the only normal person in a family like theirs, becoming the only kindness, like Frigga?

_stay with me don’t let me go because there’s nothing left at all_

Darcy found him there a few hours later, still unable to slow his breathing down and control the waves of fear and heartbreak.

“Jarvis told me you were looking some family stuff up on wikipedia. Is that what upset you so much, babe?”

Loki nodded, and wriggled his face free of her embrace, wiping his tears away with trembling hands. “It…it describes my family, and I…I…it says it is passed down in families—“

“Sweetie, what is?”

“Narcissism,” he gulped, his arms up and around his head, trying to make himself as small as possible, to hide from the shame and the fear. 

Darcy wrapped him up more tightly. “Baby, you’re not a narcissist.”

“How do you _know?_ What if I do the same things to my children? What if this is something Odin could not help about himself, and I cannot help but do the same?”

“Loki, stop. Yes, sometimes narcissism runs in families, both because of behaviour and genetics, but just because your _adopted dad_ was narcissistic doesn't mean you will be.”

“Darcy…what if I hurt them?”

She kissed his temple and rocked him slightly. “You won’t, Lokes, you already love them more than anything, don't you?” He hesitated, not wanting to trust the flicker of hope, then nodded, his hair scrunching against her cheek. “Of course you do. If you didn’t love them you wouldn’t be up here stressing out about how you can be a better father. Do you think your dad ever worried about whether _he_ was good enough for you? Or was it all about how you weren’t good enough for him?” He didn’t reply, but his sobs calmed slightly. “You know what?” she said, smiling against his head. “I think we need to go visit my Mom this weekend.”

He leaned back into her and let her rock him. For a moment he thought he heard ravens, but when he flinched and looked up into the trees, there was nothing there.

***

“Are you sure you don’t mind us tagging along?”

Darcy waved her hand at Steve and Natasha. “No way, we’re going to meet Mom in Washington DC, it’s the perfect opportunity to introduce aliens and cryogenically frozen super-soldiers to modern American culture.”

“Not to mention ex-Russian assassins,” smirked Natasha. Her face was more open and mobile when she spent time with Darcy, and Loki knew it was just as fake as her blank mask. Just her way of blending in with civilians like Darcy. 

“Is everyone ready?” he asked, holding his hands out. Steve held Natasha and Darcy tightly against himself, Loki cast his tethering spell, and they slipped onto the branches of Yggdrasil, aiming for the co-ordinates Darcy had given him for Washington DC and her mother’s house.

Verity squeaked when they appeared in her living room, then let out a breath. “Wow, Darce, you sure know how to make an entrance.”

“Hey Mommy!” Darcy ran to wrap her in a tight embrace. She looked so much like her mother, aside from Verity’s pink hair and tattoos. 

“Look at you, all grown up and giving me grandbabies.” She flicked her hair back. “I’d say I was too young to be a grandma but they all said I was too young to be a mom, and I think that turned out pretty well.”

“Sure did.”

Verity turned to Loki. “It’s nice to finally meet you in person, Loki,” she said, then stepped forward to pull him into a hug. “This is probably where I’m supposed to tell you if you hurt my baby I’ll hurt you, but I think we both know Darcy’s perfectly capable of hurting people on her own behalf. Even Norse gods.” She patted his arms, and behind her Darcy nodded smugly, her arms crossed over her little bump. “Norse gods,” Verity sighed. “That’s never not going to be weird. Especially for an Atheist.”

Loki grinned down at her. “It’s good to meet you in person too, Verity. I’m sorry we didn’t visit before. The past months have been…”

“Hectic?”

“Yes.”

“Mom, this is Steve Rogers, otherwise known as Captain America, and Natasha Romanov, or Black Widow.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’ve been watching all your rescues on TV, of course. You guys make a hell of a team.”

“Thank you ma’am.”

“So, are we walking to get food, or is the deity doing his magic transport?”

Loki laughed. “It would probably be best to keep a low profile.”

Verity sighed. “Boring.”

Loki liked Verity very much. She was dry and sarcastic and cynical about everything except her daughter. Darcy turned the sardonic sneer into a sweet, dimpled smile just by turning her face towards her mother. Darcy had that effect on Loki as well. He had wondered if it was her superpower until he realised that there were some who found her annoying and childish. He tended to not bother spending much time with those people. 

The group of five took a detour through a park at Verity’s insistence to see the cherry blossoms, not at their finest, but still flushed with pink against a blue spring sky. Natasha was telling Darcy, tucked under Loki’s arm, about a prank Clint had played on Coulson, and Verity was asking Steve about the last time he’d been to DC. To outsiders they looked like a normal group of human friends sightseeing around the capitol. Would their child ever be able to have a life like this?

After lunch in Starbucks Darcy took Natasha and Steve shopping, leaving Verity and Loki to their third cup of coffee. Loki’s melancholy settled on him again. He knew the whole reason for the trip had been for him to talk to Verity, but he’d spent the last few days after Darcy found him by the lake packing the panic and grief down at the bottom of his mind, and he was loath to bring them closer, or to give Verity any more reason to fear for Darcy and her grandchild than she must already.

“So, how’re you feeling about the baby?”

“Fine,” Loki lied, pasting a smile on his face.

“Liar.”

Loki let out a puff of air. “Terrified.”

“Every new parent is,” she shrugged.

He nodded, and for a moment they were both quiet, concentrating on their coffee and trying to ignore feet and fingers tapping anxiously. “You know, my parents were pretty awful people,” Verity said at last, leaning back and looking at him, challenging him to spout platitudes. “Darcy says yours aren't that great either?”

“My mother is wonderful,” he protested.

“What about your father?”

Loki scowled at the hot drink. “My true father left me in a temple as a war sacrifice. The man I thought was my father all my life stole me and raised me to believe I was Aesir, and that the race of my secret blood were mindless beasts to be destroyed.”

“He sounds charming.”

His lips quirked up in a half smile.

“What was your childhood like?”

He looked up at her, his eyebrow crinkling, trying to give her an unbiased account, to not let his bitterness and his fears cloud the truth. “It was...privileged. I thought myself a prince of Asgard, and wanted for nothing.”

Verity stared at him, her hazel eyes piercing through his bullshit behind the slightly tinted lenses of her glasses. “You know, my parents were well respected in the community. My dad was a doctor, Mom was a nurse. We lived in a big white house on a perfectly manicured lawn. I had a puppy. So when I ran away, pregnant at 17, I knew everyone was going to see a poor little rich girl.” She stared out of the glass front of the coffee shop, and Loki watched her gather the right words. “That’s the thing with appearances. They’re very powerful things. A rich philanthropist father who provides his family with everything they could possibly need? How could anyone believe he controls his wife’s every move, drip feeds her an allowance and checks all her receipts at night to make sure she’s not cheating on him? How could anyone believe the bruises on my ribs and under my arms were from him punishing me for poor grades or talking back or disagreeing with his opinion?”

Loki's jaw clenched and he felt his hands forming into fists on the table. He slipped them out of sight and deliberately straightened them out, taking calming breaths. “Are you safe now?”

She looked up at him, her lips slightly parted. “You know, nobody’s ever asked me that? I get people saying ‘that’s horrible’, and ‘I’m sorry to hear that’, and, my personal favourite, ‘maybe he didn’t mean it’.” She smiled and patted his knee. “Yes, I’m safe. He died of a heart attack when Darcy was three.”

Loki let out a sigh of relief. “So your mother is safe as well.”

Verity’s face hardened. “I've got no sympathy for her.” At Loki’s raised eyebrows, she leaned her elbows on the table. “See, everyone assumes I’ll feel close to my mother because we both dealt with the same abuser. But I’m almost angrier with her than I ever was with my dad. Because my dad was a bastard through and through, I hate him, but he is what he is. My mom, on the other hand…” she shook her head, trying to find the right words. “Maybe I hate her because she never tried to escape. She should have understood where I was coming from, but she never did. My whole life, she’s tried her hardest to bring me back into the fold. She’s my father’s greatest advocate. Even now, I refuse to talk to her because every conversation we have comes back to how I did him wrong. I did him wrong? He called me a slut if I got a C on a piece of homework.” She snorted. “For such an intelligent man you’d have thought he’d choose a more appropriate insult. Anyway. Mom seems to vacillate between forgetting everything he ever did against either of us, or making excuses for him. It’s like she needed his control to feel safe or something. I don’t know. It creeps me out, anyway. A parent’s job is to put their child before anything else, but for me it was like I had to put my parents well before myself. Do you think I’m selfish for being angry about that?”

Loki shook his head. “Especially now I know I will be a father in a few short months, I cannot imagine wanting to be anything less than perfect for them.”

Verity frowned. “Don’t do that to yourself. Don’t aim for perfect. There’s no such thing. You’ll make mistakes, because everyone does. Even a thousand year old god. Just aim to be good enough.”

“But how do we do that? What is good enough? I can see what I do not want to be to my children. I know I don’t want to punish them by whipping or public humiliation or anything my father did to me, which Darcy tells me is not the norm at all. I know I want my children to have no doubt in their mind that I love them. But how do we do that? If I have never seen how a good father acts, how can I possibly be a good father?”

“I _know_ , right? It’s like trying to find a path in the dark when it’s crossed with a hundred other paths.”

“Exactly. And I feel that, being who I am, I am just as likely to lead them off a cliff. I am the God of Chaos, and that cannot be good for a child.”

“Oh trust me, honey, chaos is a child’s natural environment,” Verity smirked. Then she sighed and scrunched up her face. “I don’t know. I’m probably not the best one for advice. I’ve made plenty enough mistakes with my kids. I found my parents’ words coming out of my mouth all the time. Especially when I was stressed or angry or feeling like I was going to fail. I’ve said my share of cruel things to my baby girl, I...I’ve found myself hurting her. How am I any better than him?” 

Her eyes filled with tears, and Loki leaned forwards to squeeze both hands. “You know you must be better than him because Darcy loves you, unreservedly. She thinks you are the best mother a woman could have.”

“She didn’t always think that. There were plenty of times she hated me, especially as a teenager.”

Loki imagined being hated by his child, and his heart dropped into his stomach. “That must have been so painful.”

“Ah, it was always temporary. I think a teenager has to go through a phase of hating their parents. It’s part of that detachment, isn’t it? Learning that you’re a separate person from your mom and dad, trying to wrestle away a bit of control and not realising that you can’t have it all just yet.” She squeezed Loki’s hands back. “And maybe that’s the key to being a good-enough parent. Maybe we have to let them hate us when they need to, let them pull away, let them fight, and in the end, we let them win all the control over their own lives with dignity. Maybe that’s where our parents went wrong. They tried to keep that control and in the end we had to snap it, and ruin our relationships with them.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to LokiTheAssassin13 for the music suggestion - it's Ashes of Eden by Breaking Benjamin. 
> 
> Loki's never met Verity in person until today, but they do skype a lot, they did before Darcy got pregnant, actually. 
> 
> Coincidentally I watched The Judge last night, where Robert Downey Jr's character deals with the most awful relationship with his father, it was really traumatic, but beautifully done, and obviously made me think of Tony Stark. The things we do to make our parents proud, seriously...
> 
> Also Verity and Loki's conversation just wrote itself...it's awesome to meet someone who's been through similar things as you, even if those things are not necessarily nice, because you feel like you're not going to break them by talking about it!


	15. Well, the Singy-Stone Works

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Darcy hasn't been away from Loki in public for a long time...someone is about to take advantage of that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god, this fic has 5000 hits ^_^ thank you so much you guys! I hope this is OK, I re-wrote half of it quite recently and I haven't been able to edit it as obsessively as the rest...let me know what you think please :)
> 
> Thank you to Guess Who - Bucky is a cyborg, not an android, it's changed now!

Darcy swung the shopping bag and squinted up into the spring sunshine, watching a couple of ravens bicker on a lamppost. There were a couple on campus as well, she had thought they were a breeding pair or something that lived in the roof, but she had spotted some near the mansion, and now here. Those things were just everywhere.

She shook herself out of her Hitchcock daydreams and back into her conversation. “I mean, it’s not like I know how to be a parent either,” she told Steve and Natasha. “I’ve had a great role model, but it’s not like she kept a set of instructions for raising a baby.”

“And every child is different as well. Your baby will have different needs to you.” Steve blushed when the two women raised their eyebrows. “What? I did a lot of babysitting. There were a lot of single mothers in our apartment block, us big kids looked after the little ones so the moms could go to work.”

Darcy patted his bicep. There was a lot of bicep. “You’re right, big guy. But that’s why it’s so scary. Loki’s terrified he’ll be a bad father because his shitty parents have taught him that he’s a bad person and he needs to be punished because everything he does is harmful. I don’t want to add to his panic by telling him I feel the same way.”

“Maybe it’ll make him feel better,” suggested Natasha. “If he realises you’re afraid too, he won’t feel like this fear is just because there’s something wrong with him. He knows you’ve had a stable home life, so if you’re scared it must be something that all parents go through, not just something else to suggest he’ll be doing a terrible job.”

“Ugh, you’re right, Tash. I never thought of it like that. I’ve been trying to be all strong for him and it’s done the exact opposite of what I wanted.” Darcy buried her face in her hands. “Dude, this baby is screwed.”

“Don’t be silly, Darcy. You guys are going to be great parents,” Steve insisted. “Just see how much you’re both worrying about it already.”

“And you guys are staying in the mansion after it’s born, right? It’ll be surrounded by superheroes. All our weird screw ups will be diluted and they’ll just get the best of us,” Natasha winked.

There was no gunshot sound when the first bullet arrived. There was just suddenly a flare of green light and a tinkle of metal on tarmac. Darcy and the others looked down to see a crumpled bullet. Then another one hit, and all hell broke loose.

Natasha and Steve realised shit was going down quicker than Darcy did, and they practically threw her to the ground between themselves. Their attackers had realised Darcy had some sort of force field around her and rather than a distant, silent gun, there were men in black body armour appearing out of alleys and unmarked vans. They were gunning for her friends, and it wasn’t long before Steve went down with a grunt of pain.

Steve’s hand was pressed against the bullet wound on his knee, blood seeping out from between his fingers. He’d dragged Darcy behind a news stand and they both ducked when another round of bullets hammered into the plastic and metal of the little shelter. People were screaming and running for cover, arms held uselessly over their heads, glass shards and dust exploding in puffs every time a bullet hit home. Natasha was crouched down behind a planter, firing back at their attacker. Steve ripped a sheet of metal off the news stand and got ready to creep out of their shelter and see what he could do, gesturing to Darcy to stay down. Not a fucking chance, not when she was the only one who was invulnerable now. She stood with a vicious grin, ignoring Natasha and Steve, and _grabbed_ at one of the bastards as bullets pinged off her _Singasteinn_ shield. 

She was expecting to use some of the martial arts moves that Natasha had been modifying for her pregnant self, but where she had contact with his skin, it started to bubble and blacken. He screamed, and she yelped in surprise and let go. He was obviously in excruciating pain, but the guy was a professional, and he lunged for her with a knife. It skated off her shield, and she went for the tazer in her pocket…which wasn’t in her pocket. Damn DC and it’s damn stun gun laws! She swore and punched him in the face instead, and he was hurled backwards and lay still on the tarmac, a circle of blistered skin appearing on his cheekbone.

“Fucking hell…” She stared at her fist in horror. She was not ready for this kind of power. She raced forwards to kneel next to the fallen man, slumping in relief when she saw him breathing.

Then there was a flash of green and gold and Loki appeared in full battle armour, including his insane goat helmet, and knelt beside her. “Darcy! Are you hurt?”

She grabbed him in a hug and shook her head against his chest. “The singy things did their job. I swear there were bullets just bouncing right off me!” She giggled hysterically but stopped when she saw his face. A vicious snarl cut across his mouth, and the flames in his eyes reminded her that even without the whole god thing, he was a thousand years old and had seen and shed more blood than she could possibly imagine. 

He stood and turned in one smooth movement, the tails of his duster flaring out with a whipping sound, and strode into the centre of the road, casting shields over Steve and Natasha with a touch. Bullets glanced off his own shield, flaring green just like her own, and he stood for a moment grinning at the men who marched towards him firing their machine guns. He raised both hands to cross his chest slowly, muttering under his breath, his brow furrowed as he focused on gathering his magic. His skin turned blue, his eyes red. Then with a whip sharp movement he flung his arms out. A chain of ice daggers formed in midair and sliced through the men, firing out of the other side bloodied and shattered. The men dropped to the ground and the sudden silence rang in Darcy’s ears.

Loki was turning back to Darcy, his skin bleeding back to white, when the bomb hit. Darcy screamed as shrapnel skittered over her shield, but she saw her boyfriend’s body spinning down the road until it smashed into a van, hurling the vehicle over onto its side. “Loki!”

A man dressed all in black, carrying a wide barrelled gun with one completely silver arm, marched after him. Straggly black hair hung over his face, hidden by a black mask that looked more like a muzzle. _Fuck_ , thought Darcy, _we’ve got ourselves a super villain_. She thought of texting Tony or one of the other Avengers, but their transport was currently pulling himself out of a hunk of twisted metal. He wasn't ready for this guy, she realised. He was shaking his head, and Cyborg dude was lifting his gun to fire again. Darcy thought about how beaten up Loki could get when he was low on magic. She couldn't bear to see him dragged away again, bleeding and unconscious. Steve was trying to stand, the bullet still in his leg preventing the healing serum from getting to work, and she started to run across the square.

Before she could get there, a blur of red and black struck the assassin, casting that vicious gun under a nearby car and whirling herself around his neck. Natasha wrapped her legs around him, and Darcy took a microsecond to swear she needed to learn how to move like that in a pair of black skinny jeans. A wire appeared in her hands and she had it around his throat, but that metal arm came up and hurled her away. Darcy gasped as Natasha hit a car upside down and slid down, landing on her head. But the man had a gun in his flesh hand. Darcy resumed running, throwing herself in front of her friend.

A green flash struck the man in the head and he flew forward onto the tarmac. “Yeah, Loki!” Darcy whooped, but he was stalking towards the man, ready to bind him. Most people didn't get up from one of Loki’s magic blasts. It seemed like the cyborg was not most people.

As Loki approached, the man flipped himself onto his feet and whirled, a knife in his hand. Loki’s own daggers appeared and the two of them lashed out at each other, vicious strikes and slashes and twirls like a violent ballet. Loki was more fluid, his leather coat flaring out from his knees as he spun and whipped the blades, slashing and stabbing and at one point piercing in between the segments of that metal arm with a screaming like nails down a blackboard. The assassin was hard and powerful and struck like a cobra, switching the knife from hand to hand and using the whirring gears of his metal arm to push hard enough for the god to stagger back. Both men were lined in cuts, Loki’s vambraces shredded, and the man’s arm twitching when it moved in certain ways and caught on damaged gears. 

Steve staggered down beside her, checking Natasha’s vitals. She could see Loki’s bared teeth and the man’s blank expression. Steve put his arm across her and Nat, ready to leap away with them but not wanting to draw attention, when the man’s metal arm met Loki’s helmet with a clang, and as his head jerked back, he clamped it around his neck. Darcy screamed to hear the whirring of tightening metal fingers. Loki’s face reddened and scrunched, then he dropped both daggers and blue spread across his skin. He reached forward, hand grasping for bare skin, and touched the leather mask. It crumbled away, exposing the man’s face, then brushing his cheek. Darcy hoped that would be it. Nobody could bear the pain of that blackening frostbite. But nothing sparked in those eyes, and Loki was bucking against him, panicking and sending green sparks into his eyes, ice knives under his arm that just shattered against the metal.

Steve leaped forward, shattered knee forgotten, and slammed his elbow in the man’s chest, forcing him away as Loki gasped in air with a whistling sound. 

“Bucky?” Steve’s voice was vulnerable and painfully young.

“Who the hell is Bucky?” For a moment there was a flicker of _something_ in those blank eyes, but he shook his head and drew a pistol, pointing it at Steve, who was just _standing_ there. 

Green strands flew from Loki’s fingers and spun themselves into a net that tightened around the assassin’s body, whipping his arms to his side so the gun fell. He fought furiously against the web, but Loki’s focus had returned with the air in his lungs and he wrapped more and more strands around him, tighter and tighter.

“Loki, no! Don't...don't hurt him,” Steve begged, arm out to Loki but eyes fixed on the other man. “I know him.”

Loki glared at Steve, breathing hard. Natasha was just starting to pull herself up, but Darcy, Steve and Loki stood in a tense triangle until Loki dropped his hands and sat down on the sidewalk. Steve hobbled over to the assassin, still wrapped in green threads like a violent caterpillar. Darcy ran to Loki and gently cupped his bruised neck.

“It will heal quickly,” he smiled, stroking her cheek. “Are you unharmed?”

“I’m fine, me and baby. We’ve got the best bodyguards ever.”

He looked into her eyes, worry crinkling his forehead. “If it were not for me you would not be in such danger,” he said softly.

“Meh,” she grinned, “I also wouldn't have a hot deity for a boyfriend and an awesome demigod foetus. Swings and roundabouts.”

He laughed, but she could see her flippancy hadn't dispelled all his worries. “I’m serious, Lokes. You’re looking after us. I’m not scared, I trust you. And I’m getting quite keen on having you around. I’d put up with a lot to keep you here.”

He looked at her with such surprise that her heart ached. “You would? Truly?”

“Of course, babe. The others feel the same way too.”

“I...I have never had that.”

She laughed. “Aww, c’mon, you’re a smokin’ hot genius who can do _magic_ , and you fight like a ninja. I bet loads of people wanted you around.”

He grinned like she was in on the joke. “I am a skinny, sly second prince who spends too much time in the library nursing a skill almost exclusive to women, and fights with dishonourable weapons unsuited to a warrior. Or I was. Now, I am the outcast frost giant runt pretending to be all those things.”

Darcy twisted her lips and squinted at him. “You know, Asgard’s got a lot to answer for.”

She sat next to him on the sidewalk and he leant his head against hers, back in his normal clothes again. Natasha took one look at his exhausted face and called Clint to bring the quinjet before sitting on Loki’s other side. He leaned over and touched his finger to her head and she gasped, then rotated her neck and shoulders. “Oh my god, I think you just cured ten years of tension.”

“Along with the cracked vertebra?”

“Shit, really?” 

He nodded. “We had better bring the Captain back for his own healing. His knee will not heal itself until the bullet is removed, and bone fragments are moving too far apart the way he is ignoring the injury.”

“Eww.” Darcy crinkled up her nose. “Bone fragments.” She sighed and looked around at the destruction. The place was crawling with police and ambulance, but it looked like there weren't too many casualties outside of the Avengers and the bad guys. SHIELD were collecting the bodies, watched by those ravens. She wondered if they’d even bothered to fly away. Creepy bloody birds. Her phone rang and she shifted her hip to pull it out of her pocket. “Oh shit, Mom! Hey, Mom, are you OK?”

“Am _I_ OK? Jeez, Darcy, what the hell just happened? Loki just took off with no warning and suddenly we hear all these gunshots coming from near the river?”

“Yeah, that was us, I’m afraid.”

“Oh my god, baby, are you OK? Is anyone hurt?”

“No, we’re OK, well, the others are a bit banged up but they heal quickly.”

“Where are you? I’m coming over.”

Darcy wanted to argue, but keeping Mom away wouldn't stop her worrying. She also wanted her there with her. “Outside Carluccio’s,” she said. It was looking badly bashed up. She wondered with a jolt how many people had been killed in the crossfire. Who had those psychos been aiming for anyway? It couldn’t have been her, could it? But how could they have known any of the Avengers would be there? They’d only just planned it that morning. She shook her head. She hung out with a group of super-spies. If they couldn’t figure out who’d tipped Mr Metal and his band of cowboys off, she wasn't going to have a chance. 

The trip back in the quinjet, which dropped down in front of the Smithsonian castle and drew a hell of a tourist crowd, was quiet and tense. Darcy was bummed out for leaving her mom under such stressful conditions, and she could tell the others were too. Loki had spent ten minutes assuring her that he wouldn’t let any harm come to Darcy, but Mom was a tough cookie. She had this almost pathological need to let Darcy do her own thing, make her own mistakes, and get into danger, even if she could see the fear whirling just under the surface of her skin. She hated the idea of being like her own parents, of giving anyone an excuse to call her a controlling mother. Darcy remembered being a teenager and pushing those boundaries, wondering if all that freedom was because her mom didn’t love her enough to force her to stay safe. It’s not like she wasn’t disciplined. Mom was inventive and insisted that the punishment fit the crime to an eye-rolling extent. But all those times she said she was going out to hang with the seniors, or she’d be walking home late…Mom just looked at her like there were questions and phrases and demands that came to her tongue instinctively, and then swallowed them all before nodding. _Have you thought of the consequences?_ she’d ask sometimes. _Do you know how you’re going to stay safe?_ She’d confronted her about it one day, when she was fifteen. She’d yelled at her for not caring enough, not guiding her a bit more, and Verity had tried to hold it together before bursting into tears, horrified that in trying so hard not to be her own parents, she’d gone too far the other way, and another young daughter was doubting her mother loved her.

The Avengers gathered in the medical room, with Darcy and Jane watching through the one way glass. The assassin Agent Coulson had identified as the Winter Soldier was lying, still bound up in Loki’s magic ropes, on one of the beds. Steve was sitting on the other, his eyes not leaving the motionless robot guy while Bruce and Dr Cho bandaged his knee, and Loki sent tendrils of magic into the wound to sort out some of the (eww) bone fragments.

“What’s your name?” asked Tony of the Winter Soldier.

The guy didn’t respond.

“Are you the Winter Soldier?”

“I am the Asset.” His eyes flickered to Steve, and he frowned, ever so slightly. The Avengers looked at each other.

“Uh, so who sent you?”

No reply.

“Bucky…”

His eyes flickered to Steve again, and he turned back to Bruce, who was standing over him. 

“This is ridiculous," snapped Loki, and stepped forward, his hand out and more green trails of magic floating into the man’s face.

“Loki, don’t hurt him!”

“At ease, Captain. I am simply looking for information, and will not harm—“ He jerked backwards like he’d been punched, and Darcy found herself putting her hand up to the glass.

“What happened? What was that?”

“Some…someone has wiped his mind,” Loki gasped, his hands up to his face as if he’d lost his sight. “They have taken _everything._ ”

“Jesus,” snarled Bruce, clenching his fists and stepping back.

“What does this mean? Bucky…is he ever going to recover?”

Loki straightened up and looked at the others. “I do not know. I will try to help him, but it will not be an easy process…or a pleasant one. He may never remember everything.” He looked at Steve. “I am sorry.”

Steve just gazed at Bucky, his heart obviously breaking. Jane and Darcy looked at each other, and they gripped each others’ hands.

“I think it would be best if he sleeps during the process,” Loki continued. “Dr Banner, do you have potions that would keep him at rest?”

“Sure, Loki, I’ve got Steve’s medical details. I think he’ll need similar doses to keep him under for a while, but only if you think it’s necessary. I don’t want to give anyone more drugs than they need.”

“I would rather not do this while he is conscious, Doctor. The scarring, the…the obstructions they have created in his mind…I do not know if they are permanent, but if he were conscious for their removal, he may fight back against the pain, and I do not know what kind of further damage that would inflict.”

“Yeah, that’s…that sounds like a good enough reason for a medically induced coma,” said Bruce. “As long as you know what you’re doing, Loki.”

“I do not, entirely,” he admitted. “But there are…traps…I skated the edges of them with my seidr. I think at the very least these will need to be removed.”

Steve stood up suddenly, limping out of the room. “Hey, Cap, where are you off to?” Tony called.

“I’m going to see what I can find about the people who did this to my best friend,” he replied, blue eyes hard now he wasn’t looking at Bucky.

“I’ll come with you,” said Natasha.

Darcy watched Bruce injecting Bucky with a strong sedative, the assassins eyelids closing over his resignation.


	16. Loyalty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve makes a horrifying discovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's so short - this bit needed to be told from Loki's POV and the next needed Darcy's POV, so the break had to happen here!

Loki allowed Darcy to drag him to bed the first night, ensuring that Sergeant Barnes was fully unconscious and confined, but after that he refused to spend less than twelve hours hunched over the man, first healing the frostbite, then flooding his mind with _seidr_ , feeling his way through the ragged neural pathways and painstakingly removing the traps, kill switches which manifested to him as black sludge. The memories, however, Bucky would be better to retrieve on his own.

He spent the last hour straining to go through every millimetre of the man’s mind before he pulled back and slumped against the side of the hospital bed. Bruce rubbed his shoulder. “Done for the night?”

“I think I am done completely,” he replied. “Has anyone heard from Steve and Natasha?”

“No. Coulson’s looking mildly perturbed.”

Loki raised his eyebrows and sat up. “That bad?” Bruce smiled and ran a hand through his curly hair. “I do not know whether it would be best to keep him asleep until Steve returns.”

“I can see why, but medically I don’t think I can allow it in good conscience.” He took his glasses off and rubbed his face. “Not that I’m that kind of doctor anyway. Who am I to be making these kinds of decisions, Loki? We need someone with real medical qualifications.”

Loki smiled up at Bruce. “Medical qualifications in dealing with a Norse god, three supersoldiers, and Tony Stark?” He shook his head. “If one could be found, they would not have the empathy you do. We would probably come to you anyway.”

Bruce smiled again, trying not to look pleased. Loki pushed himself up and went to find large quantities of food to replace the energy he’d lost over the last few days.

Barnes woke up the following day, with both Bruce and Loki in the room, and the rest of the Avengers crowded around the one way glass. He opened his eyes and latched onto Loki, glaring under heavy black eyebrows. “You didn’t wipe me.”

“No,” said Loki, not hiding his disgust. “And I have removed the traps in your mind. Your memory will have to return in its own time.”

“Who was that in the fight? I…I remembered…I never remember.”

“Captain Steve Rogers. You fought together in the last world war. Do you recall?”

Bucky frowned down at his hands and shook his head. “Just a feeling. Nothing specific. Like the more I try to remember, the more it slips away.”

Loki nodded. “It will take time.” He hesitated. “I don’t suppose you remember who ordered your latest attack, and who you were targeting?”

Barnes shook his head, and Loki tried not to let his panic and paranoia deepen.

They were slow to let Barnes out of the secure medical room. Loki and Bruce spent hours there each day to check on his health, and Tony wasn't far behind, desperate to get his hands on that metal arm, and improve it. He seemed to draw out Bucky’s sense of humour, the two of them casting childish insults at each other.

Loki was slow to allow Darcy in the room with him, remembering the feel of his metal fingers around his throat, until she raised an eyebrow at him and asked what authority he had over her. She hadn’t phrased it quite like that, though. More like ‘you’re not the boss of me, Lokester.’

When Bucky’s head snapped up to see the pair walk in he latched onto Darcy’s face. “You…”

“Hi.” Darcy waved awkwardly.

“You were the target.”

Loki stood in front of her with a snarl and Bucky held out both hands. “I’m just saying I’m starting to remember. It’s…” He trailed off and rubbed his head. “I wouldn't trust me either.”

“I’ll leave,” Darcy said softly.

“I'm sorry, ma’am.” Bucky was still talking into his hands. “I don't want to hurt you, but I still remember the consequences...or I don't exactly remember, but I’m still afraid of failing.”

Darcy nodded and left. As the door clicked shut Loki turned back. “Who gave you the order?” He tried to control his tone, but his fear came out as anger.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky shook his head. “I don't even remember half the people who gave me direct orders. I still hear you guys calling me Bucky and the name means nothing. I was the Asset for seventy years. Every time they put me in the ice or wiped me it was a fresh start. I remember the mission clearly, but nothing before that. The men who showed me her file-I could describe them, possibly, but it wasn't my place to know their names. It certainly wasn't my place to deal with the...I don't know, clients or whatever you’d call them.”

Loki slumped slightly. “Of course,” he murmured. “My apologies.”

Bucky shook his head. “I owe you. All of you. Even if I don’t remember anything beyond waking up from the ice, I’m free now. Whatever that means.”

***

Darcy had not returned from her movie night with Pepper when Loki walked in their dark rooms, but someone else was there, sitting on the sofa with the lights off.

“Steve?”

“Loki.” Steve’s voice was trembling and Loki crossed the room in two strides to kneel in front of the man, pulling his hands away from his face.

“What is it? What have you found?”

“It…it was Hydra. Bucky was being held all those years, since he fell. I thought I’d destroyed them, I was so _arrogant_ …God, Loki, the things they made him do…” Steve’s eyes were dry but blank and staring, and his whole body shook. Loki pulled a throw off the sofa and wrapped it around his shoulders, rubbing his upper arms. 

“It is over now, Steve, he is away from those people and you can be with him while he gets better. He’s coming out to the common areas a bit more, with one or two people at a time. We do not want to overwhelm him, but he is adjusting, slowly.”

“No, it’s not over, Loki, they’ve infiltrated SHIELD. Almost completely, it’s…it happened almost as soon as the war was over. Howard and Peggy, their life’s work was to protect the world from Hydra and those _bastards_ were rotting it from the start.” Steve’s hands were clenched over his knees, and Loki rubbed his wrists, trying to relax them, to remove the fingernails from digging into his palms.

“Then we will solve the problem,” he soothed.

“Natasha’s gone straight to Fury. She trusts him completely.”

“And you?”

“I don’t know who to trust.”

“Except, apparently, the God of Lies.”

“Yeah, well, actions speak louder than words, Loki. You’ve saved us countless times. You saved Bucky. Does he remember…?” Steve’s eyes snapped into focus, pleading with Loki, and it hurt to shake his head. 

“He remembers nothing before he was taken from the ice weeks ago. I have removed the trigger words and what Tony tells me are kill switches, but for me to open the scars over his memories would cause more trauma than good. That is not to say he will never remember, though. You were an important part of his life, were you not?”

Steve nodded shyly. “I like to think so. You know, being gay in the forties wasn’t acceptable, so we both spent time with girls and hoped to marry, but for me, at least, it always came back to Buck. ’Til the end of the line,” he smiled. But his sweet expression faded quickly. “Loki, I saw some of the…the tasks they had him do. There was this database, one of the guys I thought we’d destroyed in the war, they’d put his brain in some sort of computer.” He shivered.

“You should have Tony take a look—“

“No, God, no. Anyway, it blew up. It was supposed to be a trap. But that’s not the biggest problem…Loki, Tony’s parents…Bucky was the one…” Steve covered his mouth with one hand, shaking his head, unable to go any further. But Loki saw.

“It was no car accident?” Steve shook his head again, and Loki let out his breath in a hiss.

“What am I going to do, Loki?”

Loki stared at the swirling pattern of the carpet, biting his lip. “You must tell Tony, Steve.” _The irony_ , he thought, _the God of Lies advocating the telling of truth._

“Oh, God.” Steve buried his face in his hands again, finally letting the tears flow. “I know I have to…I do. But he’s…what do you think he’s going to do? God, what would _I_ do if it was _my_ parents? Oh, God, Howard…”

Loki leaned forward and let Steve’s head rest on his shoulders, rubbing his back as he shook with sobs. At last Steve leaned back, rubbing his wet cheeks.

“He’s going to hate me, isn’t he?”

“I do not think so. But his betrayal would be a thousand times worse if you were to keep this from him, and he was to find out later.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, so my reasoning for Steve telling Tony the truth in this fic is that he knows him so much better, and trusts him. He's been living with him for a year or so, whereas in the movies they worked separately quite a lot. Steve feels a lot more loyalty to Tony than he did in Avengers or Civil War. Even so, it's not going to be easy for either of them :/


	17. Breaking up the Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve tells Tony the truth. It goes about as well as he expected.

Darcy was in the sitting room when the fighting started. At first she and Jane looked around frantically for Pepper, ready to scramble into the panic room and let the Avengers fight the invaders off. But then Tony came thundering into the room, roaring at Bucky while Steve and Loki tried to calm him.

“Don’t you fucking touch me, Rogers! I swear to god, don’t you touch me.”

“Tony, please, calm yourself.”

“Are you siding with this bastard too, Loki? Fuck you both.” Tony shoved Loki’s chest, and Loki stepped back, more to stop Tony breaking his hands than anything.

“I am not taking sides between my friends,” he snapped.

“It sure as hell looks like it. It was only a matter of fucking time, anyway, everyone’s always going to choose Captain America over me.”

Loki and Steve both looked horrified, eyes and mouths opening wide to deny it, but Tony had already turned back to Bucky. “I want you out. I want you far away from me, preferably dead, but unlike you I’m not a cold blooded assassin.”

“Tony!” Pepper came round the corner, high heels clicking, hand over her mouth. The others were starting to appear through doorways, the whole household was gathering for the train wreck. “What’s going on here?”

Tony turned to her, one hand out to point at Bucky, a slight tremble in his fingers. “That robot there killed my parents.” He was trying for furious, but he couldn’t hide the broken hearted child coming through in his eyes. “I want him out of my fucking house.”

Pepper just stared at the group, for once all of her composure and diplomacy out the window.

At last Steve stepped forward. “It’s OK, Tony, I understand. I don’t...I never wanted to hurt you, please believe me.”

“Fuck you, Rogers.”

Bucky was staring between the two of them like they were all speaking a different language. Darcy would have expected the confrontation to be bringing out all his super assassin skills but he just looked lost. Like Tony. Steve put his hand on Bucky’s back, between his shoulder blades, and the man startled and jumped away from him. Steve’s expression broke Darcy’s heart, but he gathered up a smile to cover it and looked back at Tony. “I...I get it, you’re completely right to be mad, but…” he took a deep breath. “But Bucky’s my friend.”

“I thought I was your friend.” Tony said it so quietly, so soft and sad, and then clenched his jaw and glared, like the words had slipped out before he could stop them.

Steve looked like he’d been punched in the gut and his smile wobbled a bit, but he nodded. “I’m so sorry, Tony.” He turned his gaze to Loki. “Would you...do you mind…?”

Loki nodded. “I will take you where you need to go,” he said, and the three of them stepped out of the door back to the bedrooms. 

There was quiet for a long time. Tony straightened up and glared at the assembled team. “I guess that’s it, huh? You’re going with the Captain, right? Fine, fuck the lot of you.”

He stormed past everyone to the other door and his own block before anyone could move. Pepper was still looking between everyone, eyes wide and horrified like her whole world had been turned upside down. There were tears in her eyes when they settled on Darcy, and she suddenly looked so damn young, thought she must have been a good ten years older than her. “What’s going to happen?” She asked.

Darcy blinked, wondering why she thought she’d have the answers to anything, why it mattered what she thought most of all, and she shrugged, lacking anything intelligent to say or do.

“Do you think he’ll come back or go with Steve and Bucky? I mean, obviously he’ll come for you, but are you guys going to stay or will you leave too?”

Darcy realised she was talking about Loki, and she frowned and shook her head. “I don’t know.” She said it without thinking, just hedging, but as soon as the words left her mouth she realised she didn’t know anything, what was going to happen, if they were going to stay, if they were even welcome. What they’d do if they left. What was going to happen to the team.

The room emptied slowly, everyone creeping off and not talking above a whisper, until she and Jane were the only people left in the sitting room. Darcy jumped when she felt Jane’s slim fingers around her elbow, guiding her to the sofa. “You’ve been standing there for ages, pregnant lady. Come sit down for a bit.” 

She smiled and let Jane lead her to her seat and make her a cup of hot chocolate. “You OK?”

Darcy nodded. “I guess. I don’t know what the fuck’s going on, though.”

“Me neither.” Jane took a sip of her tea and hesitated before saying “do you think Loki’s gonna want to stick with Steve and Bucky?”

Darcy thought about it carefully. She wanted to say she knew which of the two men Loki would stand by, but he’d spent so long being alone and hiding his emotions that to be honest he was just slightly overwhelmed by the fact that he had two friends - or more - to choose between. But in the end it was irrelevant. “He’ll do what’s best for me and the baby, and I think that means he’ll be staying here if he can.” She turned to Jane. “Is that arrogant to say he’ll put me above anyone else?”

Jane grinned. “It’s not arrogance if it’s true.” She wrapped her arm around her, her oversized jumper scratchy against Darcy’s neck, and Darcy snuggled into the older woman’s side, so grateful for her boss’s kindness and friendship.

It was dark outside by the time Loki appeared in the sitting room, the sleeves of his pale blue button down rolled up to his elbow to expose the sinew and muscle of his forearms. Darcy sat up from Jane’s lap, her hair in her face from where Jane had been petting it, and wrapped her arms around his waist. Her tummy was getting big enough that she couldn’t quite press herself right against him like she wanted to.

“Where did you take them?”

“Venezuela,” he said, lips pressed against her hairline so his breath tingled in her ear. “Steve wants to stay away from the States for a while and allow Bucky some space and time to heal.”

Darcy nodded against his collarbone. “Are they OK?”

His sigh moved her hair and tickled. “Bucky is confused, and distressed to have caused his host pain. He wants Steve to leave him. He doesn’t understand why Steve will give up his life here for him, and that upsets Steve, who can only look at him and see the boy he grew up with, and the man he loves. Bucky does not know that he is that man any more. All he can remember is his last few months as the Asset.”

“God,” said Jane, as Darcy turned her body sideways to tuck under Loki’s arm and press herself against him. “Poor Steve.”

“Where is Tony?” He asked suddenly, and Jane gestured towards the door. Loki gently untangled himself from Darcy’s embrace and knocked. Darcy curled back up on the sofa next to Jane, feeling like a needy child.

Tony stomped out, angry glare tempered by the redness around his eyes. “What now? Come to say goodbye, huh? I guess Foster’s leaving too?” Pepper came up behind him in stockinged feet and linked her fingers with Tony’s to stop them from twitching.

Loki looked at his feet. “I...do you want us to leave?”

“I don’t care, actually. I guess the Avengers team is going with Rogers, though, so yeah, whatever. I’m obviously not going to be an Avenger any more. I don’t want anything to do with that traitor.”

Loki’s forehead crinkled as he looked up. “Steve and Bucky are in hiding,” he said. “He has spoken to Phil to explain everything, he is no longer an Avenger.” He bit his lip and glanced at Darcy before turning back to Tony. “I understand if you do not want to have us here any more…”

“Is that what you want, Loki?” asked Pepper.

“Of course not! I mean…” Loki blushed, flustered at his outburst, and bowed slightly to recover some of his composure. “I would not abuse your kind hospitality, but…” he took a deep breath. “This team, this family, has become more of a home to me than I have had in a thousand years. I have had few friends of my own, and I would hold each of you tight to me if I may. But I will not outstay my welcome either...please...please tell me if you would have me gone or no?”

Tony looked up at him, and Darcy saw behind that mask for the first time, all the snark and sarcasm gone. “You...you’re choosing me?” He stared at Loki like he was some kind of mythical beast, which, to be fair, he was, and then wrapped his arms tight around Loki’s chest and pressed his face into his shoulder, shaking with silent tears. Loki held him tight and closed his eyes, rubbing the smaller man’s back. Pepper’s lips wobbled and she reached out one hand for a moment, hovering above Loki’s shoulder like she was going to pat him, but she turned and almost ran back into her room instead.

Tony lost that mask for almost a full twenty four hours as he realised that this weird, broken family was still gathering itself around him, still standing by him. Darcy heard Loki explain quietly to him, when he had calmed down, that he was still not choosing between his friends, that he was still keeping a watch on Steve, and Tony hesitated before nodding gratefully. One by one the other Avengers made their love clear without mentioning the situation at all. Such boys, thought Darcy fondly.

***

Loki was sitting on the end of the bed staring off into space when she walked in. Her lips quirked into a wicked grin, and she shoved him backwards, straddling his legs. He laughed softly up at her, leaning back on his elbows, his long raven hair almost touching the bed. “Can I help you, my lady?”

“Well, you know what they say about pregnant women,” she murmured, leaning over her bump to nibble at his Adam’s apple.

He gasped slightly and tipped his head back, pressing into her touch. “They say many things about pregnant women,” he replied. “Such as the importance of indulging their cravings?”

Darcy hummed, sliding her fingers under his shirt. “I was thinking about the increased libido. But that one works too.”

When they lay curled up together in the heavenly afterglow Darcy spent long moments tracing the shape of moon shadows on his face and chest. His skin was so pale, and felt so fine and delicate over the curves of his muscle. He closed his eyes as her fingers stroked over his nose and cheekbones. “How are you feeling about all of this?”

He was quiet for a long while, and she wondered if he’d fallen asleep. “Worried,” he replied. She should’ve guessed.

“They’re big boys, Loki. They can look after themselves.”

“I know. But…” he trailed off and frowned. “I do not know how to express it without sounding possessive.”

“I think I understand. You’re really protective over all of us, it’s like you said to Tony, this is a family.”

Loki huffed. “I have always been greedy. Most people only have one family. I seem to have ended up with three.”

Darcy smiled and squeezed his chest. “Well, two of them haven’t been very good for you.”

He shook his head. “To say that would be to be ungrateful to my mother. Even Thor and I were close, especially as children, and I do not want to deny him. Odin, for all my anger with him...he gave me a second chance at life. And I cannot say Byleistr and Helblindi did not care for me greatly when they had the chance.”

“You know, you’re kinda ridiculously loyal.”

He looked at her in surprise. “I cannot say I have ever been called that before.”

Darcy shrugged. “You are though. You know, my dad tried to get in contact with me when I was eighteen. He had no interest in me for my whole childhood, then he suddenly wants to see me, and I said no. Maybe I should’ve given him a chance. You know, some friends at college said you only get one dad - one birth-dad anyway - but I just thought, why the hell should I? I don’t owe him anything. Sure, he provided the sperm, but he let Mom go off to a new state all alone and pregnant, and he laughed when she asked if he wanted to meet me after I was born. Fuck him, right? But you, on the other hand, your birth family abandoned you, and your adopted dad has been physically and emotionally abusive, but you make this huge effort to say good things about them all.”

Loki stared at the ceiling, a slight frown pulling his lips downwards. “I suppose I am trying. I am still so angry with all of them. Odin and Laufey most of all, but I still feel irrationally angry with everyone, even...even my mother.” He swallowed and looked at Darcy. “But I feel so much more blessed by the Norns to have found you, and Jane, and this whole new life here where I am wanted for my faults and quirks, where I am wanted for myself, that I do not want to allow myself to forget the gratitude I must have for every lie, every hurt, that brought me here. To you. If I had not found you when I most needed someone, I do not believe I would have been able to hold onto my sanity.”

Darcy felt the soft smile split her face, and reached up to kiss him. “You big romantic.” He wrapped his long arms around her, pulling her close, and they luxuriated in the kiss for a while before settling down on their sides, facing each other with arms tangled together.

“You know, I think Pepper’s got a crush on you,” she said after a moment.

“What?!” Loki pulled back from her, such a horrified look on his face that she couldn’t hold onto the little strand of jealousy and collapsed into giggles. “Do not laugh at me, Darcy Lewis, why would you say such a thing?”

“Because it’s true, Loki! She looks at you like you hung the moon, dude.” Loki flopped back onto the pillow, still wide eyed. “C’mon, she’s a beautiful woman, it’s totally a compliment. Also, hardly surprising, I mean, look at you, you’re a hottie.”

Loki shook his head as if to clear it. “I know, of course, she is very lovely, but...it feels wrong.” He frowned. “I do not know why. I feel she needs protection, and I do not know why. It is not that she is a woman, although I feel the need to protect you, of course, but I do not have this visceral need to care for Jane, as much as I am fond of her. And I certainly do not think Natasha needs my protection, beyond that of a shield brother.”

Darcy laughed, but more in confusion than humour. “Jeez, I wouldn’t think of Pepper as someone to protect. I mean, she’s bad ass - she’s got like a black belt in some martial art and I get the feeling that organising Tony’s life is like juggling knives...no, I’d definitely feel the need to protect Jane way before I protect Pepper.”

“I cannot explain it,” he said, still frowning. “She just seems young to me.”


	18. Darcy Lewis, Ambassador to Jotunheim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki introduces Darcy to some more family members

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is very new, please excuse any editing errors! Darcy and Helblindi just let me know they needed to have a chat and it got all angsty!

In so many ways, life in the mansion remained exactly the same, but there were glaring differences where everyone turned round, expecting to see Steve, and having to close their mouths with a sad expression. Agent Coulson moved in, officially to take Steve’s role as master strategist, but Darcy was pretty sure Pepper had called him in as super nanny to Tony. She tried to intimidate the placid agent by charging her tazer at the breakfast table, but he ignored her, the scumbag. She had to admit, he was the most chill person she’d ever seen. In the field, his voice never changed inflection or speed, and the guy was a freaking demon in a fight. He may not be using a vibranium shield, which lay propped up in the corner of a store room where Steve had left it, but Darcy suspected it would only have slowed him down anyway. The dude was a ninja. Jarvis streamed the footage of every fight as Darcy, Jane and Pepper sat on the edge of their seats. It didn’t matter how many times they had to watch the battles, they never relaxed when the Avengers were out on a mission. And every time Clint came in with a knife wound, or Loki was thrown into a building, or Tony got zapped with an EMP blast, they felt cumulatively sicker.

Loki disappeared some days for hours at a time, returning with news from Steve and Bucky as they travelled through the jungle learning who they were seventy years after they thought they'd died. Other days he’d come back followed by the smell of snow, blue fading from his fingertips, and talk about his Jotun brothers, and his tiny, delicate nephew sequestered away with his parents. On one of those days Darcy was lying on the common room sofa reading when he appeared, a wondering smile on his face.

“Good trip?”

“I…I think so. Helblindi was there.”

Darcy winced. The older Jotun was still so stuck up and cynical, frustrating all of Loki’s attempts at friendship and making amends. Loki had once admitted he thought Helblindi hated him and only allowed him to visit to bring protective charms to pass on to his little nephew, Vidarr. But this time Loki looked cautiously happy. “Well, tell me then, what happened?” She crossed her feet and waved her hand, encouraging him to sit and talk.

Loki flopped onto the sofa. “He brought a young one with him. At first I will admit I was afraid of being found out by any other Jotnar, but this one…oh Darcy, she was a pitiful sight. I think Jotnar are generally slim built, as big as they are they seem to be…lanky.” He looked at himself with a smile. “Which explains a lot. But this young girl, Skaadi, she was emaciated. Helblindi…he stood in front of me with his nose in the air and said _if you want to make yourself useful, little brother, use that seidr for others of your people.”_

“He’s such a grumpy mo-fo.”

Loki grinned at her. “He did not look like he wanted to be asking, that’s for sure.”

“So, were you able to help her?”

“I was.” His face looked so luminous in his joy, and she felt herself melting just a little. “I believe she is sensitive to _seidr_ , but because the casket has been taken from Jotunheim there is none on that world.” He frowned and bit his lower lip. “It was like when I connected with little Vidarr, she just pulled my _seidr_ into herself, and then collapsed. I thought I’d killed her…”

“Sheesh, that’s intense.” Darcy shoved herself up and heated up some soup for him, knowing having his _seidr_ drained would make him hungry and tired. He followed her into the kitchen area and sat at the breakfast bar.

“But Darcy, when she woke…it was like she was seeing the stars for the first time. It was beautiful, that expression on her face, and I…I felt like I’d never done something more important.” He shook his head. “She must have lived her whole life having never felt her channels full of _seidr_. It would be like missing a sense. And how many other Jotnar have to survive like this because the Casket is gone? How many babies have…have died because they couldn’t get what their bodies _need_ to live? They are just surviving, not living, not truly.”

Darcy came up and stroked his hair. He sat looking at her, vibrating with passion for a moment, then wrapped his arms around her and pressed his face into her shoulder, letting out a shuddering sigh. “Darcy, do you think you would mind if I spent more time on Jotunheim? I would like to help more like Skaadi, and I’m sure she will need more infusions to stay healthy.”

Darcy laughed. “Why would I mind, babe? This is your world, you’ve only just found your people and learned that you can actually _do_ something to help.” She cupped both his cheeks and lifted his face to meet her eyes. “You are such an awesome guy, Loki. Your baby’s gonna be so proud of you. I love you.”

His face broke into a smile, and it was like the sun had come out. He kissed her and leaped up.

“Hey, where do you think you’re going, mister?”

“I…I thought I would return to Jotunheim…”

“Not until you’ve eaten something to restore your _seidr_ , and then you can spend a few hours gathering those crystals you keep collecting. Go back prepared, and you’ll be able to help even more people. And,” she smirked, “you can take me too.”

“You…no, Darcy, that is too dangerous! You cannot—“

“Sure I can. Look, we know the _Singasteinn_ works even better than you expected, and the Jotnar can’t burn me because of it. I want to meet your family, Loki. Anyway, you said there’s that library there? We’ll set up camp there, you can do your healing and I’ll get Helblindi to help me with the research. We might be able to find some Yggdrasillian equivalent to the Geneva convention, force Odin to give the Casket back, because this is unsustainable.”

Loki stared at her for a few minutes. “Do you realise quite how much I adore you?”

He wouldn’t let her come with him the same day. He insisted on preparing Helblindi, and as much as she pouted, she realised he was right. No way would it be a good idea to go into a starving, dangerous place uninvited, and with Helblindi being such a grumpy pants, he’d probably kick them out there and then. But she was _so bored!_ Since DC Loki had been even less likely to let her out of his sight. He was happy to take her anywhere, but she didn’t like to ask too often - he was busy with Avengers work, and she didn’t want to waste any of his energy on frivolous side trips when he was so desperate to help Jotunheim.

So she was _buzzing_ when Loki cast a temperature control spell on her and tethered her to him before stepping onto the world tree. She was going to see a new fucking _realm_ , possibly the first human to ever set foot there. Although possibly not. Loki had mentioned there were other human-Jotun hybrids in the past, but hey! She was still the first in a thousand years, and that wasn’t to be sniffed at. 

The fields of ice and snow almost blinded her, even with deep clouds overhead and a blizzard raging. Loki turned into his Jotun self as soon as he touched down, and grinned at her with his sharp teeth. “What do you think?”

“I’m on a different planet. I’m officially the coolest human in existence right now aren’t I?”

“You probably would be had I not cast the temperature spell,” he said, red eyes sparkling in a very familiar way.

Darcy rolled her eyes. “Oh my god, I can’t believe you even went there. Come on. Take me to your leader.”

He laughed and grabbed her hand. It was cool in hers, but not cold, more like they’d been out for a walk in the countryside without gloves. He cast an invisibility spell over the two of them, and they slipped through the streets, the howling wind battering the buildings around them. Darcy stared at everything, snapping photos of the architecture and scenery just to make Jane and the other science nerds jealous. 

They passed through huge spaces like that reminded her of pictures of bombed cathedrals from the second world war, and up a crumbling set of stairs, the stone bowed in the middle by the wear of millennia of feet. They reached a set of black wooden doors that reached up so high the top was obscured by a flurry of snow, and for just a tiny moment, Darcy was scared. Frost _Giants_ , after all. Loki must really have been a tiny Jotun. Jack and the Beanstalk stories were coming back to haunt her. Then she smacked herself upside the head and thought of the BFG instead, helping Loki to haul on the massive doors.

Really, the fact that one set of doorknobs were within reach should have been a bit more of a clue, she thought, as they entered the room. The guy who built this library had been seriously showing off. The Jotnar inside only ranged between six and twelve feet tall, enormous, but not as ridiculous as she was expecting. She probably wouldn’t have been able to sit on a shoulder like Sophie. She was a little disappointed in that, honestly. One of the Jotnar pushed the excessive doors shut as Loki dropped their invisibility, and everyone gathered around him, chattering in deep rumbles, patting his shoulder and exclaiming over Darcy.

“Is this your Darcy, Loki?”

“We’re so glad to see you! Hergadr is doing so much better, we cannot thank you enough.”

“Why is her tummy so round?”

“The baby will surely be too big! How will you get it out?”

“Silence.” The eight foot Jotun hardly raised his voice. He just had to _speak_ and the rest fell back a couple of paces. 

Loki swallowed visibly and stepped forward, bowing deeper than Darcy had ever seen. “Helblindi.”

“This is your mortal?”

“This is Darcy Lewis, my partner.”

“Hi, how’re you doing?” Darcy stepped forward, grabbing his hand. His hairless eyebrows shot upwards, but his lip twitched ever so slightly and he shook her hand politely. “I was hoping to do some research with you on inter-realm laws and conventions.”

“Indeed?”

“Yeah. See, on Earth, we’ve got various laws in place to stop the victor of a war from doing too much damage to the losing country after the fighting stops. We learned our lesson after reparations demanded of Germany caused widespread poverty and social dissatisfaction. It directly lead to the rise of the Nazi party, and plunged us into a second world war only a couple of decades after the first - I realise that’s no time at all to you guys, but if you think our life expectancy is only a century at the most, and that’s _now_ , with much better healthcare, and I'm babbling, I do that when I’m a bit excited and a bit nervous, and I haven’t really met any of Loki’s family since we’ve been dating apart from Thor and he’s a total dick, so OK shutting up now.” Darcy took a huge breath and glanced at Loki. He looked about ten human years younger, his brow crinkled up in worry, glancing between her and his big blue brother, like he was ready to jump between them at any moment, but expected it to hurt.

Then Helblindi’s lip twisted up into a smirk and he snorted. “Come along then, Darcy Lewis. You may satisfy your curiosity, and perhaps you will babble more to me about these world wars and why you feel the need to relate them to Jotunheim while my brother returns some of what was stolen from us. I imagine I shall not be able to stop you.”

“You really are salty, aren’t you, ‘Blindi?”

“Do not call me that.”

Darcy turned, waved and winked at Loki, who might actually collapse from anxiety, and followed His Sarcastic Highness further into the library.

“So how’s your other brother?”

“Byleistr fares well. His little one was born two weeks ago, and he and Gridr will remain with him in isolation for another two and a half months. It is important to bond with the child early.”

“That sounds kinda nice. It’s good that the dad gets to stay with the baby too, in the States men rarely get paternity leave. Even moms don’t get much time off. A month or two if they’re lucky.”

“Are your offspring born walking, like beasts?”

“No, thank you very much. They don’t walk until they’re around a year or two old.”

“Then that is barbaric.” He scrunched his nose up, glancing away from the spines of the books for a moment. “What do you do with your children when you are taken away from them?”

“Well, not all parents go back to work straight away. Some parents become stay at homes moms or dads, but most of them put their kids into nursery or with childminders. People whose job it is to care for babies.”

“Then how does one bond with the baby?”

She shrugged. “I dunno. It works, I guess. Maybe Jotun babies need more TLC early on.”

He glared the book in front of him as if it had personally offended him, and slammed it back on the shelf. “They do require it. If constant affection is withheld for any time during the first three months, they will be…traumatised.”

Darcy turned slowly away from the shelf she was perusing, her eyes wide. “And Loki was abandoned in the temple at what age?”

Helblindi paused with his hand resting on the spine of a gigantic book, and didn’t look at her.

“How old was he, Helblindi?”

“I do not know.” His voice was distant, haunted. “Not more than two months. I have…faint memories, cloudy, of finding his mother dead. Our father was away much, at war. Byleistr and I tried to care for him, fed him on our own blood, but it was not enough.” He dug his fingernails into the leather spine of the book. “It would have been better if he had died.”

“How can you say that? What is your problem with Loki? He’s doing everything he can, he’s trying to right other people’s mistakes, and you just—“

“Have you seen him?” Helblindi rounded on her, looming over her, his body curled and threatening, and she forced herself not to take that step back. “The way he stares at people, begging with his eyes, begging to be accepted, to be…to be _loved._ He did not receive it in infancy, not from his parents, not enough from his brothers, and the Allfather…I cannot imagine him curling his body around a tiny babe, singing, holding. Do you know the Aesir wrap their children in cloth and keep them in separate beds as babies? They are monstrous! Loki has built his self on…on fresh powder, not on the permafrost he should have, and he will fall apart with the slightest wind.”

“You’re wrong. He’s stronger than you can ever imagine. Yeah, maybe Jotun babies need more than Aesir and humans when they’re really little, but Loki’s survived and he’s fighting, and yes, he wants his big brothers to love him. All of them. Even if they don’t deserve him.”

“And I do _not_ deserve him,” he hissed. “I _failed_ him. My father, my beloved father with whom I bonded and who built me to stand alone when necessary, failed him, and I look at Loki, and I hate the father that I love. I do not want to look at him because I see the worst that I have ever been, and in doing so I destroy him more and I hate myself more. So do not talk to me of survival. This life that Loki leads, it is half a life, because he must be supported on every side as an adult, loved by others because he has not learned to love himself.”

He whipped around and stormed off. Darcy followed. “How many other Jotnar have there been in Loki’s situation? How many have spent their first three months without their parents, or have their first few months interrupted?”

“There are none that we know of. Babies are precious on Jotunheim. There have been those who have died in childbirth. Their children are taken by a guardian, appointed well before birth, and they bond with them instead. There are those who have been conceived in error. They have been gladly taken by desperate parents. Children here are rare. The death of a mother and newborn child in an earthquake was spoken of for a century in Utgard.”

“So Loki’s unique?”

“He is an aberration.”

“No, you’re just fucking scared and guilty.” He turned on her with a snarl. “You are. You know it. Look, on Earth there are kids who have horrible starts in life. Like, seriously, I’m not even going to tell you about them because you’ll want to kidnap all of them and wrap the little bastards in cotton wool, god knows I want to, and I grew up with this shit. And some of them are damaged. Yeah, OK, all of them are damaged. But that doesn't mean they should be…I don’t know, put out of their misery or something. My mom was beaten by her father. She escaped, and she’s the toughest, kindest, most loving mother…most loving _person_ you could ever hope to meet. Loki may have had a shitty start in life. But he’s _got_ that support network on every side now. Me, Jane, Tony, Pepper, all of the Avengers, we’re prepared to make up for that love he missed as a baby.” She stepped closer and wrapped her fingers around Helblindi’s elbow, even though he continued to stare fiercely at the books. “And I swear, Helblindi, we’ll make sure this baby is cared for too. So get your head out of your ass and give your little brother some of the approval he’s craving from you, OK?” 

He made no move to agree, but she wasn’t expecting him to. She patted his back. “Great. Let’s find those books about an inter-realm Geneva convention.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not share Helblindi's rather extreme views on baby care, by the way...he would be a rather paranoid parent. However his response is influenced by the cultural differences my mum experienced when she first had me in rural Kenya - her very British in-laws suggested hardening her heart and leaving the baby to cry herself to sleep, while the Digo ladies across the road thought these colonial weirdos were cruel to even let a baby sleep in a separate bed from their mother. I co-slept with my kids (living in UK), but lied about it to the midwives who thought it was dangerous. I don't feel particularly strongly about co-sleeping or not, but it worked for me (and oh, God, whatever works, people, whatever works!) My friend, on the other hand, put her baby in a cot very early on because neither she nor the kid got any sleep when in bed together! Don't let Helblindi's self-loathing and self-blame make you feel any kind of way about how you raise your baby. Darcy sure won't!
> 
> By the way, she will also never tell Loki any of this conversation. She'll just give him extra hugs.


	19. Everything Falls the Fuck Apart

Darcy woke up one morning, seven months pregnant, rolled over, and felt something between her legs go crack. “Fuck!” She shrieked, and curled over her huge belly, eyes squeezed shut in pain. “Shit! Oh my fucking god that hurt.”

“Darcy? What is it?” Loki was up and around her side of the bed in seconds, hands fluttering over her.

“It’s OK, babe. Just felt like cracking your knuckles, except right in my lady bits.” She uncurled and tried to grin at him. “Just felt really nasty.” She patted his cheek and tried to sit up, only to fall back, face white with pain.

“I am going to get Bruce,” said Loki, eyes wide and face blurred through her tears.

She lay perfectly still until Bruce arrived. Bless him, he’d been reading up on obstetrics since Darcy had asked him to be present for the birth, and he looked almost as nervous as Loki. Actually, that wasn’t true. Nobody could look as nervous as Loki did right then, his face white and lined with fear.

“OK,” said Bruce, after a painful examination. “I think you’ve got symphysis pubis dysfunction.”

“Sa-what now?”

Bruce smiled. “SPD. It’s not uncommon in the later stages of pregnancy, not that that’s any consolation. Basically your body’s ligaments are softening in preparation for birth, so all your joints are going to be a bit looser.”

“So why does it hurt right there, though?”

“You’ve got a joint there, you know.”

“I’ve got a joint right under my pubes? Dude, what the hell?”

Bruce’s eyes crinkled up as he laughed. “Afraid so. I’m also afraid it’s not going to get much better until after you give birth.”

“You are shitting me!”

“Sorry, Darce. I can give you some core muscle exercises to do which might help you, and we can get hold of a girdle type thing which helps some people. I’ll look it up, see what else works for people.”

“Ugh. Thanks Brucie,” she groaned, not sounding particularly thankful, but when you find out you’ve got a loose joint right over your vagina, she figured a girl’s got a right to a bit of petulance.

Loki curled up around her carefully after Bruce left the room and nuzzled in her neck. “I can help to strengthen your ligaments with magic, but if your body is deliberately loosening your joints, it may fight against your system. I will weave a charm into your bones to hold them steady, and work alongside rather than against your body. The charm will break when you are ready to give birth.”

“Thanks babe,” she smiled, and sighed with relief as the green of his magic settled into her pelvis. “Guess I’d better waddle to the kitchen, huh? I’m starving.”

“Allow me,” he grinned, slipping one hand behind her back and the other under her knees, lifting her into the air like she weighed nothing, instead of being a great pregnant whale. 

She whooped and grabbed his neck, pulling him down for a kiss while he changed both their clothes by magic. “You are totally awesome, you know that?”

“So you keep telling me,” he smiled, and walked through the corridors to the kitchen. Phil and Clint were already cooking eggs while Jane buttered toast. She laughed when she saw Darcy and Loki.

“What-up bitches?” grinned Darcy.

“Loki, how come I never get carried around?” whined Clint.

“You’re not as sexy as Darcy,” he winked.

Clint gasped. “I resemble that remark.”

Darcy blew him a kiss as Loki lowered her onto a chair and made her a cup of decaf, while Clint added a few more eggs to the frying pan.

“Loki, can Tony and I pick your brain on the Einstein Rosen bridge generator after breakfast?” Asked Jane, swallowing a mouthful of toast.

Loki nodded. “I do not know why you do not call it the Bifrost, your name is unnecessarily long.”

“It’s the Einstein-Rosen bridge because it’s earth based. The Bifrost is Asgardian, if they wanted to share their tech, we’d probably call it a Bifrost too.”

Loki shook his head and smiled. “The correct term is Aesir, by the way. Of course, although if you insist on naming it after scientists, surely it should be the Foster-Stark bridge.”

“If anything,” Tony said, breezing into the room with Pepper, “it would be the Stark-Foster bridge. Sounds better.”

“No, it would not, Tony.” Jane rolled her eyes and waved her fork at Loki. “And that’s why we’re not naming it after ourselves. We’d spend hours arguing about which way round to put the names.”

Darcy waved cheerfully at the trio as they left, bickering good naturedly. “Hey, Tasha,” she said, seeing the red-haired woman come in, already in her black work gear. “Off on a mission?”

“Unofficially,” she agreed. “We’ve been looking into those names Steve and I found, trying to figure out who ordered that hit on you with Barnes and Hydra, but they’ve been buried under firewalls and aliases. We found one mention of someone called Hugin or Munin, it’s hard to make it out, so Clint and I are going out later to try and track it down.”

Pepper dropped the cup she was holding. “Sorry,” she gasped, and Phil went to help her clear it up.

Darcy shook her head. “It means nothing to me,” she admitted.

“It’s the name of Odin’s ravens, but unless a couple of birds have been coming to take out a contract, I’m guessing it’s an alias, and probably someone gunning for Loki rather than you personally.” She shrugged apologetically. “We’ll find them, though, don’t worry.”

Clint swept up the last of his egg with a piece of bread and dumped his plate and fork in the dishwasher. “Let me get my stuff and we’ll head out. Hey, where’s Coulson?”

Natasha looked around. “Left with Pepper. She must have cut herself or something.”

“Ah, well, it wasn’t important,” he shrugged, and the two spies left with a wave.

Darcy slipped off the kitchen chair and started the dishwasher, then stretched, her shirt riding up to expose her swollen belly. The baby was moving lazily and she rubbed it with a little smile, curling up in a beam of sunlight on the window seat to look out over the lawn towards the lake and the wood, and dozed.

A thunderous crack jolted her upright, hours later, and the rainbow beam of the Bifrost split the calm of the midsummer day, burning the runes on the lawn again. She scrambled off the seat and reached the front door at the same time as Bruce. Tony, Jane and Loki weren’t far behind, and they raced out to the bundle of cloth that lay on the ground as the light cleared and the clouds dispersed.

“What the hell is that, Loki?” Tony yelled. Loki waved to everyone to stay back, then rushed to the centre of the rune circle and dropped to his knees, scooping up a body, ragged and dripping blood.

“Holy shit,” she whispered, hand over her mouth.

“It’s Fandral.” Loki turned back towards them, eyes wide and brow crinkled in fear and worry. “Bruce, please…”

Bruce nodded and walked ahead of him, pushing doors open and leading their dazed procession into the medical wing. Loki lay the limp figure onto the hospital bed, and the two worked together to remove his armour and clean the blood away. At last Bruce looked up. “It looks like no major wounds. He might have a couple of broken ribs and his torso’s a mass of lacerations, I think he’s been whipped, but he’ll be fine.” 

Loki let out a long breath, his eyes shut. “Thank you, Bruce.” He held his hands over Fandral’s mangled chest, and Darcy could see the green tendrils of his magic weaving into his body. Suddenly a hand whipped out and grabbed Loki’s wrist.

“Loki...Loki, you must run.”

“Fandral, what has happened to you?” Loki released the magic and turned to the battered blonde guy, hands cradling his face. “Who has done this?”

“Odin...Odin Allfather awoke hours ago. He was furious, Loki, I think he is mad. He declared you a traitor, said he had seen your evil while he was in the Odinsleep. When Thor and I said we had seen you and met your new companions, and that you meant Asgard no harm, he flew into a rage. He…” Fandral gasped and squeezed his eyes shut. 

Loki hushed him. “Fandral, you must rest, let me heal you.”

“No! No, Loki, he is without reason. He will surely come for you, I do not know why he has it in his mind that you have done wrong. He...he had me whipped and beaten because...because we…”

Loki paled, and his eyes widened even further. “Because we were lovers? Fandral, that was centuries ago, we were youths...I swear I never told anyone, I did not know that he knew...I’m so sorry, my friend.”

Fandral clasped the side of Loki’s neck with a bloody hand. “I know, Loki, you have kept my secret with more loyalty than I deserve, but please, please do not return to Asgard...please, run, Loki.”

He fell back to the bed, his eyes tightly shut and breathing in little gasps. Loki stepped back in shock as Bruce placed an oxygen mask over Fandral’s face. 

“What the hell was that all about?” Tony’s voice was strained, his hand covering his mouth. 

“Why did Odin suddenly wake up like that? You’d have thought if he was ill he’d wake up slowly, but from what Fandral says he just leaped out of his sick bed roaring,” Jane frowned.

Darcy whirled to face her. “Shit. Shit. What if he’s been faking it?”

“What are you talking about?” Tony frowned.

“Natasha said you guys have been looking at the intel she got from Zemo, said the only lead they had on the hit that was taken out on me was some guy called Hugin or Munin?” Tony nodded, still frowning. “So she thinks it’s some alias, because in the myths, Huginn and Munin are birds, but what if it’s Odin? What if he’s trying to get Loki through me?”

“I don’t know,” said Tony, “sounds pretty far fetched to me.”

“Oh, what, more far fetched than me having babies with a magic frost giant in disguise as a Norse god?” Darcy snorted.

“Fair point, but why didn’t he just come and kill you himself? He’s the king of the gods, right? Why does he need some cyborg assassin?” Asked Tony, his head on one side. 

Jane frowned. “Maybe he doesn’t want Loki to know it’s him. Maybe he wants him to go crawling back to Asgard all heartbroken having lost you.”

“And go back to being his little scapegoat,” Tony’s eyes widened. “Shit, OK, I still don’t know if I buy it but that kinda sounds like something Loki’s crazy adopted dad would do, right Lokes?”

There was no answer. The three of them turned to look at him, but the spot where he’d been standing was empty.

“Shit.”

The Bifrost was roaring by the time they raced out of the medical rooms, and they threw the door open just in time to see the last rainbow streaks of light disappear. “Fuck!” Darcy screamed at the clouds. “Fucking shit! You bastard fucking bastards, give me my boyfriend back!” She was pulling chunks of earth out from the burnt Bifrost ring and hurling them at the clouds that were clearing away from the blue sky, screaming insults and swearing, blinded by rage and terror. Eventually both Jane and Tony were able to grab hold of her arms, holding her still while she struggled and screeched and lashed out at everything.

The fight went out of her as fast as it had come, and she dropped to her knees, sobbing. Tony lifted her and carried her into he mansion, and that just made her sob harder, thinking of Loki’s long cool arms when he’d carried her into the kitchen that morning. Tony lowered her onto the bed beside Fandral’s in the medical room, and Jane crept onto the mattress behind her, curling her tiny body around Darcy’s and stroking her hair as she sobbed. 

“Sir, if I may?” Jarvis cut in quietly. 

“Jay, why didn’t you tell us he was leaving?” Tony’s voice was thick with unshed tears.

“I’m sorry, sir. Loki asked me to record a message, but not to show it until he had left.”

Tony pressed the heel of his hands into his eyes. “Yeah. Fine. OK. Play it then, Jarvis.”

A screen appeared from the ceiling and Jarvis projected a surveillance video from the hallway onto it. Darcy sobbed to see Loki shifting into his Aesir green and black armour, standing straight and tall, only his pale face and wide eyes showing his fear. 

He looked into the camera. “Please forgive me, Darcy, my friends. I cannot put you to any more risk for my sake. The truth is, I am a traitor to Asgard. Before I arrived here, I had travelled to Jotunheim to tempt some of the Jotnar into the weapons vaults. I had hoped to disrupt Thor’s coronation. It was a selfish and cruel plan, borne of jealousy, mostly, but some valid fears that Thor would be a terrible king. He would have plunged us into war for nothing more than the glory of battle, and I was furious that nobody else seemed to see that, Father...the Allfather would not hear my warnings." Loki smiled, twisted and sad. "That is how I found out the lie that is my whole life. I...I came so close to bringing death and pain to my two families, and I deserve my punishment, for I am horrified at the thought of having hurt any of them.” He stood straighter. “Darcy, I have done nothing to deserve you. Please forgive me. The Singasteinn will keep you safe, but Tony...please look after my family? And I hope that one day I will be able to return and care for you myself.” And he turned and left.

Darcy sank into her misery and sobbed.


	20. The Gathering Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are escalating and the team begins to assemble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this extra long chapter makes up for the short one last time!

Darcy had always been a woman of action. She’d always considered herself pragmatic and self-confident, and even as a teenager, a breakup, or a falling out with her friends only caused her a couple of hours of moping and tears before she remembered she was Darcy Lewis, Queen of Awesome. She’d either move on, or, if the person was worth it, she’d fight for them.

Loki was more than worth it. But how does a seven month pregnant human woman fight a bunch of gods?

For twenty four hours Darcy lay in bed, too horrified and lost to even cry. There wasn’t much difference between sleep and consciousness, nightmares passed across her eyes no matter whether they were open or shut. But the day after Loki disappeared, Darcy hauled herself out of bed and forced one foot in front of the other until she reached the kitchen. It might be futile, but she was, after all, Darcy Lewis, Queen of Awesome, and she was going to get her boyfriend back.

Tony was the first to see her, and leaped to his feet to help her to the table. “How’re you feeling, Darce?”

She shook her head. “What’s the plan?”

Jane’s eyes flickered to Tony. “We’re still trying to sort out the Einstein Rosen bridge generator. Lo...uh, we’ve got a few new bits of data, but Jarvis’ gonna need time to process them.”

Darcy closed her eyes, fingers clenching around the cereal box, and tried not to fall back into despair. “Right,” she said. “Science bitches be sciencing. I’m gonna politic.” She nodded firmly to herself. “If anyone needs me I’ll be reading up on asylum laws and chatting to Amnesty International.”

“Pepper’ll help you,” Tony said. “Jarvis, where is she?”

“Ms Potts left with Agent Coulson on Wednesday morning at 10am.”

Tony frowned. “Where did they go?”

Jarvis was quiet for a moment. “I can’t get any signal on either of their phones, sir.” 

Tony’s head snapped up from his bowl of muesli. “Facial recognition?”

The pause was much longer this time, and all three around the table sat frozen. “No, sir. I’ve taken the liberty of hacking into airport security cameras as well, and there is no evidence of them after they leave this building. They were last seen on the external cameras walking towards the lake, but neither of them has appeared since on any sensors I can detect.” His electronic voice was starting to take on a tint of panic. 

Tony ran his hands in his hair and pulled. “What the hell is going on?” He whispered. “Jesus...Jarv, where are the spy kids? They’ll be able to get hold of Coulson.”

“Ms Romanov and Mr Barton are on their way back to the mansion in the quinjet, would you like me to put them through?”

“Yeah.” He was still speaking quietly, as if any louder would make the nightmare real. Darcy had pushed her weetabix to the side, feeling sick. 

Natasha’s voice came over Jarvis’ speakers. “Tony? What is it?”

“Have you heard from Coulson?”

“Yeah, he sent a message hours ago telling us to abort the mission and return. We’d only just landed in Vladivostok, what’s going on?”

“We tried to ring him on his secure line, nothing,” yelled Clint, his voice muffled by distance.

Tony dug the heels of his hands into his eyes. “Yeah, we can’t find him either. And he’s with Pepper.”

“Pepper? I know they get on well, but why…?” Natasha’s voice trailed off, confused.

“And Loki’s gone too. That Fandral guy turned up bleeding everywhere, said Odin woke up and went fucking nuts. Loki snuck off and took the great glass elevator to space Viking land and _why the fuck do people keep disappearing?”_

Jane slipped down from her seat, rubbing Tony’s back between his shoulder blades. “Breathe, Tony.”

“We’ll get them back. All of them.” Darcy’s voice was hard, her jaw clenched tight.

Tony took a deep breath. “Tash, you’ve got Steve’s contact details haven’t you?”

“Yeah.”

“Call him in.”

“You sure, Tony?”

“Fuck yeah, of course. Him and Robo-cop, we need all the help we can get.”

Natasha puffed a breath out slowly. “OK, tell you what, we’ll reroute to pick him up, stop over and refuel, and we’ll all be back tomorrow hopefully, depending on how long it takes them to hike to the airstrip. We’ll get them all back, guys.”

She signed off with a subdued goodbye from Clint, and the three of them sat in silence for a moment.

“Shit!” Tony snapped, sitting upright. “Coulson texted Natasha, right? We can’t get hold of him now, but he must have had his phone on at some point a few hours ago. Jarvis, hack into his phone records, will you? Can you find out where he was when he sent the message?”

“Yes, sir,” said the AI, and silence fell again. Darcy forced herself to eat her cereal, even though she couldn’t taste it.

“Sir, Agent Coulson’s phone was online for fifteen minutes from 04:26 EST this morning. I have traced the signal to Washington DC, outside Secretary Pierce’s residence.”

“What the fuck…? Was there CCTV?”

“Searching, sir.” Jarvis sounded just as anxious as Tony. “Sir, I have a short piece of footage.”

“Put it up on the TV in the living room.”

The three left their breakfast and stood behind the sofas as Jarvis put up grainy CCTV footage of two people by the side of the road. At first Darcy thought there must have been some mistake. These guys couldn’t possibly be Phil and Pepper. The woman wore a black velvet dress with elbow length black gloves, while the man wore a deep blue cape, similar to the one Thor wore when the Aesir showed up to annoy the Avengers. But then Tony zoomed in on the faces and paused, and there it was. Phil, even wearing the ridiculous medieval armour, had his phone in one hand and his other hand on Pepper’s arm. Pepper’s eyes were wide and worried. The video continued, frame by frame. 

“What the fuck is that?”

The left side of Pepper’s face was flickering. In one frame it was normal, but in the next, it was…

“Is that a fucking _skull?_ What the fuck has Agent done to her?”

Jane and Darcy couldn’t find anything to say. The video progressed. Pepper nodded at Coulson. A tear fell from her eye, and Tony growled under his breath. Then she raised one hand to rest on Phil’s shoulder and they disappeared.

“Would anyone like to tell me what the _fuck_ is going on?” Tony demanded. Darcy and Jane had nothing to say.

***

Tony worked all day and night on the generator with Jane. Bruce did too, but he had to split his time between them and his godly patient. Darcy spent twelve hours on the phone and searching online libraries with Jarvis before stretching out on the couch and submitting to sleep. If it hadn’t been for the baby she’d have pumped herself full of caffeine and carried on as well.

The quinjet arrived at noon the following day. Tony stood with his head held high, more still than Darcy had ever seen him. Steve approached cautiously.

“Tony, I’m so sorry.”

Tony was still for a moment longer, then nodded once, sharply, and turned to Bucky. “We need to finish the mods on your arm.”

He turned to lead the way inside, leaving Bruce to fill the awkward silence as they walked. “Fandral said he’ll spar with you when his back’s completely healed, should be a day or so. Seems like gods and super soldiers heal at about the same rate.” Steve smiled. Bucky just nodded. “If we… _when_ we get to Asgard, we’re gonna need the muscle.”

Bucky turned to Darcy. “Get us into Asgard and we’ll get Loki back.”

Darcy held his eye and nodded. “Yes. We will.”

They were by the lab when alarms started blaring. “What’s that for?” Darcy yelled, hands over her ears. 

Jane and Tony raced past, hands full of equipment. “The Bifrost.”

“Shit.”

Grey clouds were roiling over the rune circle, and Steve and Bucky stepped in front of Darcy. Bruce clenched his jaw and waited while Jane and Tony set sensors up just in time for the beam to strike. Darcy dug her nails into her palm. Half of her was praying to see Loki, but the other half couldn’t bear to see what they’d done to him in the three days since he’d left.

But it wasn’t him. Thor and Sif strode forwards. Steve hefted his shield. “Stay where you are.”

“My friends—“

“We’re no friends of yours, Blondie. Where’s Loki?” Tony was fiddling with his new Iron Man bracelets, shielding Jane while she frantically collected data. 

Thor’s shoulders dropped, and Sif patted his back, raising her eyebrows at him. He nodded, and she turned to face the group. “Thor and I are…we have seen what madness lies in Asgard. The Allfather is not in his right mind.” 

Darcy closed her eyes and clamped a trembling hand over her mouth. She wanted to know, wanted to rip the bandaid off. Were they saying that Loki had already been killed? Was it too late?

“We have committed treason by coming here,” Sif continued. “As has Heimdall for sending us. He has informed me that you mean to rescue Loki?”

“Damn right,” muttered Bucky.

“Then we lay our weapons at your feet,” said Thor, stepping forwards with his hammer laid over both hands. His voice quavered and Darcy could see his eyes were red rimmed. “My brother does not deserve what has been done to him, and for all my mother has taught us that father’s actions have a reason, that there is a plan, I find myself wanting no more part of it.”

“What has Odin done?” Darcy stepped forward, pushing between Bucky and Steve. “Where’s my boyfriend?”

“Lady Darcy—“

“If you tell me he’s dead…if you tell me you failed to save him again I swear I will rip your fucking godly balls off and feed them to you.”

Bruce’s hand squeezed her shoulder and she jumped. The sudden movement was enough to jerk the tears out of her eyes from where they’d been collecting, and now she couldn’t stop them, a constant stream of soundless grief pouring down her face.

“Loki yet lives, my Lady,” said Thor gently, and Darcy sobbed, curling up around her bump until her head and knees pressed on the grass.

Bucky was the one to pick her up, his metal arm under her legs so her head was cushioned on his softer right shoulder. He placed her against Jane’s chest on the couch in the living room, and her friend wrapped her arms around her heaving shoulders and rocked gently. 

When she was able to get her fear and relief back under control, the whole gang plus the three Aesir were gathered quietly on the chairs and sofas.

“OK,” Tony said, taking a deep breath. “Whole story, from the beginning.”

The three Aesir looked at each other, so different from the last time they’d been there, with their shoulders hunched and their hands clenched in their laps, more like naughty children than powerful, ancient gods.

“After Fandral was sent to Midgard through the Bifrost, father called me and mother to his chambers. He was pacing, more agitated than we have ever seen him, especially after coming out of the Odinsleep. He usually wakes slowly and spends many days regaining his strength, but this time he was raging about Loki, telling us of the horrors he had observed during his sleep.”

“Wait, what? He had some bad dreams and you guys take that as gospel?” Tony scrunched his nose up in disgust.

“I know not of this gospel, but my father sees all when he is in his sleep,” said Thor. “He said that Loki had planned to bring Frost Giants into Asgard, that he had found out about his heritage and planned to rally his birth family to take Asgard’s throne for himself. That he was gathering the soldiers of Midgard to do his bidding.”

“Wait a minute, that’s fucking bullshit—“ Darcy sat up and glared at Thor. 

“I know, my Lady.” Thor held up placating hands. “I must admit, the first two claims rang true—“

“Yeah, technically, like Loki found out about his heritage, but he wasn’t going to use Helblindi and Byleistr to invade Asgard!”

“I know this, my Lady, please.” Darcy sat back against Jane’s shoulder, still glaring at Thor suspiciously. “When Loki arrived, Heimdall was ordered to bind him and stop his mouth, and he was brought by the Einherjar—“

“The what now?” asked Clint.

“The Einherjar are my father’s guards. Loki was brought in front of the court and…and sentenced without being able to defend himself.” Thor shuddered and bowed his head again.

“Thor,” said Steve, his voice forced. “What did they do to him?”

Thor shook his head, and Sif had to answer for him. “In front of the court, the Allfather removed his glamour, the one that makes him appear Aesir.” Fandral gasped, his hand over his mouth. Sif looked around at the lack of reaction from the humans. “You must understand, we have been raised to see the Jotnar as monsters, cruel, mindless beasts who eat children. For Loki to appear as one in front of everyone it…” she glanced at Thor. “It has brought out the worst in people.” 

“So Loki’s being attacked by anyone with a grudge against him or the Jotnar in general,” said Natasha, nodding. “Has he been able to find somewhere safe?”

Sif looked ill. “The king ordered him to be tied up naked in the main square outside the palace, his hands and mouth encased in metal so he cannot cast spells. He…he is in the full heat of Asgard’s summer every day, in his Jotun skin, and all can approach him and do as they will to him.”

“Fuck,” Darcy whimpered. “Fuck, guys, fuck, we need to…we’ve got to help him.” She turned to Jane, her hands fisting in her friend’s flannel shirt. “How close are you with the generator? I can’t leave him there, I can’t…”

“Darcy.” Tony knelt in front of her, his hands on her cheeks. “Listen, you’re going to work yourself up into a panic attack. Let’s make a plan, OK? We’ll get him back, we will, we just have to focus on each step.”

“We can run those numbers we got from the last Bifrost strike,” said Jane. “We might be able to do a test in a few hours.”

Tony and Bruce nodded. “You guys get on that,” said Tony, “and I’ll sort Bucky’s arm out. Clint, give me a hand?” He beckoned to the two men, and Bucky leaned over to kiss Steve before following Tony down the hallway. Steve watched after him with a dopey look on his face, and Darcy felt a mixture of raging jealousy that her other half was being tortured on another planet, and warm fuzzy happiness that two guys who’d been through so much were finally together at last. 

“Do you guys know anything about the Bifrost?” asked Bruce, and all three Aesir broke off staring at Steve to turn to Bruce. 

“Sif may have more to tell than Thor or I,” said Fandral. “Her brother Heimdall is the gatekeeper.”

Sif nodded and stood to follow Bruce. Jane gave Darcy one last squeeze and hefted the equipment, already peppering the warrior with questions as they left. 

Darcy stared at her hands. “Right. I think you guys need to teach me how to fight.”

Natasha was nodding, but the guys were having none of it. “Lady Darcy, you cannot mean that,” said Fandral. “You are with child, and not a shield maiden.”

“Darcy, you can’t put yourself in so much danger.” Steve leaned forwards and put his hand on her shoulder. She shook him off.

“Don’t, Steve,” she snapped. “I may not be a super soldier, but you know damn well if you were pre-serum you’d be running after Bucky just the same.”

Steve looked at her a long time, then nodded. “You’re right. C’mon, then, let’s get you set up.”

“Captain, you cannot allow a maiden into a battle such as this. Darcy and Jane must surely stay at home,” Thor protested.

“I’m no maiden, as you can see, Goldilocks,” said Darcy, pushing herself up and thanking Loki for the hip binding spell for the hundredth time. “And if you think either Jane or I are going to stay here waiting for you fuckers to come back from the battle you’ve got another thing coming. Jane’s gonna be needed to use the generator and get us out of there, ‘cause Tony and Bruce are going to be muscle, and I’ve got the _Singasteinn_ , so I’m untouchable anyway.”

“Where did you get such an artefact?” asked Thor, staring at her. 

“Loki got one for me and the baby,” she shrugged.

“And you Avengers went with him, to Muspelheim?”

“Nope,” she answered for Steve, “that was before he knew them. Loki fought evil lava seals for me and the baby, and I’m not letting him suffer any more of his crazy adopted dad’s madness.”

“You’ve used tazers, haven’t you?” Natasha asked, and Darcy nodded. “Great. I’ve got a spare pair of bites, you can have those. Electricity will work on your people, right?” she asked Thor.

Thor and Fandral grinned, traces of their old arrogance returning, and Thor raised his hammer. “I am the God of Thunder, Lady. I have yet to find a species on which lightning does not work.”

***

Natasha showed her how to work the Widow’s Bites before giving her a lesson on stance and attitude. There wasn’t much point in teaching her lots of moves, so they stuck to simple ideas. Punches with a proper fist, strikes with the heel of the hand, kicks to the knee and no higher, because her bump would get in the way. She sparred with her for about fifteen minutes until her lungs were burning. The baby was so large now it was putting pressure under her diaphragm, making it hard to get enough air in at the best of times. The only thing that was keeping her going towards the end was bloody-mindedness.

Eventually Natasha shook her head and sent her to sit down with a bottle of water, before calling Thor up to fight.

“My Lady, I am loath to hurt you,” he hesitated.

Natasha smiled sweetly and fluttered her eyelashes. “I’m sure you’ll be able to go easy on me.”

Darcy hid her smirk while Thor got up to stand in front of Natasha. The god dwarfed her - she could have hid behind him with no effort at all. Thor stepped forward and threw a half-hearted punch, but Natasha twirled around the back of his forearm, thumped him on the temple with the back of her fist and buried her knee in the back of his leg, dropping him to the floor before holding a knife to his throat.

Fandral burst out laughing. “Has living with Loki not yet taught you to beware warriors who look like scholars?”

Thor laughed as well. It sounded rather forced and Darcy took her phone out to video the next bout. It was totally worth it. When Thor rushed into another attack, Natasha caught his massive fist, swung herself up onto his shoulders and wrapped her thighs around his neck, before flinging herself backwards. His upper body followed, overbalancing him and pulling him to the ground. For a moment it looked as though Natasha was going to be squashed, but she backflipped off his head just before he hit the floor, and then leaped onto his chest, holding yet another knife to his throat.

“What trickery is this?” Thor snapped.

Natasha just shrugged. “The kind of trickery that allows a small woman to hold her own in battle.”

“Woo! Go Natasha!” Jane was standing at the doorway clapping. Bruce was grinning at the scene, too. 

Sif stood beside her, arms crossed. “This is not honourable.”

“So?” Darcy snorted. “When you’ve got a group of frat boys cornering you outside a nightclub saying you obviously want it because you’re wearing a short skirt, is that honourable?”

“Of course not—“ 

Jane whirled round to face her. “So what are the rules for fighting honourably or not? When is it ‘acceptable’ to fight dirty? That whole honour in battle bull is propaganda made up by privileged assholes who already have the power in any situation. Muscle bound idiots who win every fight, and as soon as someone beats them, it’s got to be cheating?”

“That is not what I meant.”

“No, but judging from what Loki’s told us about battles you’ve all been in, you guys seem to think anything other than a direct charge is dishonourable.” Steve joined in the conversation now, which surprised Darcy until she remembered he hadn’t always been a muscle bound super soldier.

“You cannot believe what Loki says. He is the God of Lies, after all,” Sif grumbled, but she looked a bit embarrassed.

“Oh, sure.” Darcy rolled her eyes. “Is he the God of Lies because of all the bullshit he’s been taught to believe by your family?”

“Have care of how you speak,” rumbled Thor, back on his feet. “My father is the ruler of the Nine Realms, he has done much to guard your people without your knowledge.”

“Including stealing a child, raising him to hate his race, and when he finds out the truth, tying him naked to a post outside the palace? That kind of thing makes me feel super safe, thanks, big guy,” Darcy sneered.

Thor glared at her, fists clenching by his side, but Fandral stepped in. “Darcy is right,” he said. “You said yourself that Loki did not deserve this treatment. The charges laid at his feet by the Allfather have a foundation in truth, but do not together add up to him leading a rebellion. He is no traitor, you know this, Thor.”

“Of course you would stand up for him,” Sif sneered. “You have been his secret lover - ’tis no surprise you would support his lies.”

“I do not support his lies, but his truth,” he snapped. Sif looked away, but carried on glaring at the floor.

Jane rubbed her forehead. “Come on, guys. This is no good to anyone. Tony and Bucky are making lunch, let’s go eat.”

The two men were in the kitchen, awkwardly moving around each other to get ingredients for sandwiches. Steve came up beside Bucky and slipped his arm around his waist. “How did it go?”

“Great,” he grunted, leaning back to kiss Steve on the lips. “Tony cleaned the gears and lightened some of the components up.” He flexed his arm and twisted it from side to side. “It’s so much more responsive.”

“When we get the others back I’ll do a full overhaul on it,” Tony said, his eyes fixed firmly on the platter of sandwiches he was arranging. “See if we can make it attach to your body more comfortably, maybe paint it hotrod red to get rid of that star.”

Steve put his hand on Tony’s shoulder. “I really can’t thank you enough, Tony.”

Tony flapped his hand at him, still not meeting his eyes, and went to sit next to Jane, who smiled at him and nudged his shoulder. “Any luck on that facial recognition search, Jarv?”

“I’m afraid not, sir,” said Jarvis, making Sif and Thor jump and look around. “Expanding search parameters to include Asia, Africa and Australasia.”

“Thanks, Jarvis,” he sighed, and slumped in his chair.

“Darcy,” murmured Fandral, leaning into her space, “their relationship…is that acceptable on Midgard?” He was watching Steve while he inspected Bucky’s hand. The two men smiled at each other, Steve’s grin wide and blinding while Bucky’s lips just twisted into a smirk, but Bucky was the one to lean up and kiss him softly on the lips. If it was possible, Steve’s smile would have grown even bigger. 

“Yeah, it is,” she smiled at the Aesir. “Some people are still assholes, but none of us here care who you love.”

“And their shield-brothers do not…make fun of them?”

Darcy snorted. “Oh, sure, they make fun of them. But not for being boyfriends. Steve and Bucky have loved each other longer some of us will be alive, and they’ve been been separated for most of that time.” She reached out to take a pastrami and mustard sandwich. “So, you’re Loki’s ex, huh?”

Fandral raised an eyebrow at her. 

“I mean, you guys used to be together?”

He looked at her out of the corner of his eye. “Yes, centuries ago.”

“Oh, don’t worry, I’m not jealous or anything.”

“You do not find it…distasteful?”

Darcy laughed, then cleared her throat when she saw how vulnerable he was looking. “No, of course not, Fandral. Actually, it’s kinda hot, you two are both gorgeous, and like I said, I’m bi as well.”

“Bi?”

“I’ve been with men and women, like you and Loki.”

“But you prefer men?”

“I don’t really prefer either men or women. Before Loki I was with a girl for almost two years.”

“I have only been with women to hide my desire for men,” he said, pulling a piece of bread apart with his fingers. 

Darcy sighed and rubbed his shoulder. “Asgard’s got a lot to answer for. You should stay here. I bet Fury’d be happy for another Avenger to join his ranks.”

Fandral’s head snapped up. “Truly?”

“I don’t know, buddy, I’m not in charge or anything, but if my talks with Macy in Amnesty International come to anything I bet you could claim asylum here as well, like we’re planning for Loki. We’ve got the footage showing how you turned up here covered in whip marks, all because of a gay relationship.”

“I will…I will think on it.”

Bruce pushed his plate away from him and leaned back from the table. “Jane, Tony, you want to give the ERBG a try?”

Tony clapped his hands together and put his half eaten sandwich down. “Hell yeah.”

“Finish your food first, Tony, I didn’t mean—“

“Nope, can’t eat, you’ve reminded me. Too excited. C’mon, Padme Amidala, let’s go!”

Jane rolled her eyes. “I do _not_ look like Queen Amidala,” she groaned.

“Huh,” said Clint, squinting at her. “Now you mention it, Tony—“

Jane groaned and threw a napkin at him. “Seriously? Couldn’t you have said Princess Leia at least?” She and Bruce followed the hyperactive engineer to the lab, and returned carrying boxes and poles and bits of electronic scrap gaffer taped together. Darcy smirked. Even in a state of the art lab with Tony Stark at the helm, Jane couldn’t help but make things that looked like they’d fall apart in a stiff breeze. 

The whole team trooped outside and watched from a distance as the scientists set up their stuff around the Bifrost runes. Darcy bit her lip and crossed her fingers, praying this would work. She could see a possible future where nothing they ever did worked, where she’d have the baby alone, and carry on working on a way to get Loki back, but no matter what they did, _nothing ever worked._ She could imagine Jane, Bruce and Tony moving on to other projects, she could see herself travelling the world and digging into more and more obscure and desperate options, and never getting any closer to saving the father of her child. The man she loved. She imagined dying without ever seeing him again.

Natasha walked up to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “We’ll get him back. If it doesn’t work this time, they’ll try something else, and we’ll try again.”

Darcy nodded. That was the only option.

Tony signalled to Bruce and they backed away from the equipment, leaving Jane to finish calibrating it. Finally she raced back to what was hopefully the safe zone, looked around, and pressed the button on her remote.

The generator whirred and spun, picking up speed and making a whining noise that rose in pitch. “Holy shit, it’s working,” breathed Tony.

Jane turned a dial on the remote, building the power slowly. Light seemed to be gathering around the edges of the machine, twitching towards the centre…then it exploded.

“Fuck!” Jane yelled and went to throw her remote onto the grass. Bruce grabbed her hand and removed it before she could break anything else.

Tony sagged. “Back to the drawing board,” he sighed, his voice sounding strained. He led the way back to the mansion, dragging his heels, with pieces of broken equipment hanging over his shoulder.

Natasha patted Darcy’s shoulder and left her behind to catch up with Clint, but Bucky took her place. “You OK, ma’am?

“Yessir, peachy,” she sighed.

“Sorry, stupid question.”

“No, sorry, Buck, I’m just grumpy and stressed.”

“Don’t give up hope,” said Bucky, his growly voice just loud enough for her to pick up. She turned to smile at him.

“Thanks, Buckminster. How’re you coping with everything? Haven’t had a chance to ask.”

He scrunched his face up to think for a moment, and Darcy considered how much more human he was now than when he’d first arrived, with his dead eyes and fatalism. “It’s taking a bit of getting used to,” he admitted. “I get a lot of flashbacks. Steve helps a lot.” He gestured to his boyfriend with a jerk of his chin, then frowned and looked at the ground as he walked, hands in his pockets.

“What is it?”

“I keep waiting for him to realise that I’m not _that_ Bucky any more. Steve thinks if we wait long enough I’ll be that same Brooklyn kid that kept his punk ass out of trouble.” Bucky snorted. “I’m not even the same soldier that fell off the train. One day he’s gonna figure that out and I think that’ll be the end.”

Darcy held an arm out and moved closer to him, telegraphing her moves deliberately before she touched him, then wrapping it tightly around his waist. “I don’t think so, you know. Yeah, I’m sure you’re right that he thinks you’ll turn back into nineteen-thirties Bucky again, and maybe when he realises that’s not gonna happen he’ll mourn all over again. But I think he’ll also realise that the Sergeant James Barnes he’s got right here is the guy he loves right now.”

Bucky didn’t say anything, just wrapped his arm around her shoulders and squeezed gently, pressing his lips to the top of her head. They walked back into the house, slightly out of step, and Darcy felt her chest ache for Loki, who was slightly taller and fitted her perfectly.

Bucky guided her ahead of him to follow Tony through the living room door, but she wasn’t paying much attention to anything beyond her own feet. So when Tony stopped dead, staring, she bumped straight into him.

“Pepper?” Tony’s voice shook, all of his walls stripped back to nothing, just raw vulnerability. Everyone’s eyes snapped to the centre of the room.


	21. Holy Exposition, Batman!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is at least 12% courtesy of FiberBard...

“Pepper? Phil? Where the hell have you guys been, we’ve been worried sick,” snapped Clint, pushing past Tony. “And what the fuck are you wearing?”

A small part of Darcy observed that she was going to regret missing out on ragging Clint for being such a dad, but she was fixated on the two people standing by the couches. They were wearing their ren-fayre clothes, just like they had been on the video Jarvis had shown them what seemed like years ago, but was only a couple of days. Both of them looked solemn and not nearly sheepish enough for having caused everyone so much stress.

“What’s going on, Pep?” Tony’s voice was still heartbreakingly small, and Pepper obviously thought so too, because her blue eyes were threatening to spill over with tears. 

“Tony, I’m so sorry.”

“Please, just tell me what’s going on? Why are you dressed like that? Where…where the hell have you _been?”_

Pepper covered her mouth as the tears started falling, and Darcy blinked. That optical illusion was back. Was her face flickering with the image of a skull? Phil put his hand on her shoulder and turned to the group. “Please, come and sit down, everyone. I’ll explain everything.”

There were too many people. Jane sat on the back of the sofa behind Bruce, Clint and Natasha pulled high stools in from the kitchen, and Fandral sat cross-legged on the floor at Darcy’s feet. Tony was still rooted to the spot. Pepper beckoned to him. “Please, Tony, come and sit. We’ll explain everything, I swear, just…just hear us out.”

Finally he stepped forward and perched on the arm of the sofa by Darcy, twisting his fingers together in increasingly frantic movements. Darcy reached up and slipped her hand in between his, linking their fingers and squeezing him. He glanced down and flashed half a smile at her, a poor imitation of his usual sassy grin.

“First of all, I wanted to apologise to all of you,” said Pepper, her voice breaking. “We never meant to hurt anyone, and we didn’t want to lie, it’s just…” She squeezed her eyes shut, tears falling constantly. Tony twitched as if he wanted to reach out for her, but clenched his hands around Darcy’s instead.

Phil put his hands on her shoulders and rubbed slightly. “I’ll start from the beginning. My name is Hoenir, God of Silence, blood brother of Odin and Loki.”

The silence was deafening. Everyone stared like someone had pressed pause on their DVD remote, like they were all an instant away from asking questions, but no sound could come out, because _what?_ Like _what the actual fuck?_

“What is this nonsense?” demanded Thor. “I have never heard of any Hoenir, least of all one who is blood brother to both my father and my brother.”

“If you let me explain,” he said, calmly. “What do any of you know about Ragnarok?”

“It’s the end of the world, isn’t it?” Darcy said.

“Yes and no. It’s the cycle of change. The realms have been through this cycle many times, all but Midgard, which being the fulcrum of Yggdrasil must be excluded from our machinations. For countless cycles our souls have been born, lived, battled, loved and died, only to be recalled from Valhalla at Ragnarok. Each cycle brings changes. We have always remembered every cycle that came before, and the hope is that we will one day learn to overcome our foolishness and ascend from this plane of existence to the next, whatever that may be. Until we can learn, we are reborn into the same life.”

“This makes no sense,” snapped Thor, Sif and Fandral nodding agreement. “I have no memory of any life before this!”

Coulson made a little bow to him. Darcy wondered if he was the God of Patience as well. “There is an explanation, I’ll get to it. In previous incarnations, Odin, Loki and I were blood brothers, equals in power and love for each other, or at least to start with. But every life I watched my brothers fall to hating one another. The first time, it was simple disagreement, but we were hot blooded. Loki and Odin fought to the death, pulling the fabric of reality down upon us, and thus, the first cycle of Ragnarok occurred. Since then, the relationship between the two have become more and more strained with every cycle. We always start off with good intentions, but Odin’s need for control, and Loki’s need for chaos are in such direct odds that they are bound to fall into conflict.” He shared a glance with Pepper. “The real change came when Odin started tearing Loki’s children away.” He gestured to her. “This is Hela, Loki’s daughter.”

“What the fuck?” Darcy and Tony gasped at the same time, both leaning forward to stare. The Aesir made their own exclamations. Pepper nodded and ducked her head.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I wanted to tell you, all of you, I did, but I knew it would go…well, like this.”

“Jeez, no wonder you were weird around Loki,” said Darcy. 

Pepper’s head snapped up. “I…I didn’t mean to be. I just…it was so hard with him around all the time. I’d look at him and see _my father_ , but it wasn’t him. Your Loki’s so young, so sweet, and it breaks my heart that that’s who my father could have been.”

Darcy couldn’t think of anything to say. The whole room was silent for an awkward moment, though Pepper, rubbing her temples, didn’t seem to notice. At last Phil - Hoenir - squeezed her shoulder and carried on with his story. “Odin was afraid of the power of Loki’s children. At first he tried to fight them, but they grew stronger with every cycle. Eventually he started taking them from their parents as children and cast them out.” Phil looked at Natasha. “You’ve read the myths. All of those stories are true, not necessarily all at the same time, but they all happened during one cycle or another.” Natasha nodded, pursing her lips. Darcy closed her eyes and wrapped her arm around her belly. Phil must have noticed the movement because he turned to her. “I’m sorry, Darcy. We were trying to fix this mess before you could be in danger, but we’ve failed. That’s why we’ve come back. We need your help.”

“With what?” asked Steve.

“To bring Ragnarok.”

There was another long moment of silence. Then Tony started laughing, harsh and broken. “I’m sorry, I must be going crazy. I thought I heard you say you wanted to bring the apocalypse.”

“Tony, it’s not quite like that—“

“No, I have actually been listening. Massive great final battle. Everyone comes back from Valhalla, very World War Z, by the way. Everyone dies and gets reborn. Sorry, but I’m actually quite happy as I am.”

“Tony—“

“No! My life was shitty enough as a child, why the hell would I want to go through all that again? And you! If you’re Loki’s daughter and Odin cast you out away from your family countless times, why the fuck would you want to go through that again either? Look, I get that your life here’s not good enough for a goddess but you don’t have to kill everyone and start again just so you can spend a few centuries or whatever living in the castle in the sky.”

“Tony! Will you listen?” she snapped, and Tony stopped, frozen by the familiarity of it. “Thank you.” Pepper took a deep breath. “It’s not that simple. Ragnarok isn’t just the end and the beginning. It’s how change comes to the realms. Midgard is special, it’s like the axle of the wheel, and it changes constantly. It’s kind of what defines you. But without Ragnarok, the rest of the Nine stagnate. You know how you’ve got to prune a rose bush right back every winter?”

“No,” snorted Tony. 

Pepper rolled her eyes. “Fine, well, you do. If you prune it hard, cut it right back, it grows back stronger when the spring comes. If you leave it alone it continues growing along the same paths, getting bigger, but not healthier. It gets straggly….I don’t know, the metaphor makes sense in my head. What I’m trying to say is that change is essential, you of all people know that.” She gestured at all the Avengers. “But Ragnarok is the only way we can change.”

“If it’s a natural cycle, why do you need our help to get it going?” asked Bruce. 

Tony pointed at him. “What he said.”

Pepper and Phil looked at each other. “That’s the problem,” Phil said. “Odin has disrupted the cycle. A thousand years ago, during the last great battle, Odin escaped his death and cast a spell on the rest of our people, on the whole Nine Realms, save for Midgard. It was a spell of forgetfulness, which left him where he had been at the end of the last cycle, as king of Asgard and the Allfather of the Nine Realms. But his greatest crime was to Loki. He took his soul and forced his rebirth, so he could control him as a child as he grew up. He realised his mistake almost as soon as he finished, because it now meant that Loki was younger than his own children, and significantly younger than his siblings, where he had previously been the eldest. Instead of trying to reverse the spell, and I’m not sure that would have been possible anyway, he started weaving even more complexities into it, giving false memories to some, reversing the ages of others.” Phil shook his head. “I’m not sure how far he went before he ran out of _seidr_. He had been one of the most powerful wielders of _seidr_ of us all, the God of Magic, and he spent it all on this insane complexity.”

“That cannot be true…my father…” Thor’s voice was softer and more lost than anyone could imagine it being. “Loki is the only male mage in Asgard. Father uses the Odinforce because he is the king…but he is not the God of Magic, but of Wisdom”

Phil shook his head and gave his trademark small smile. “He was always that too,” he said sadly. “But before, he was also the God of Magic too. Much stronger than Loki, though he’s always been powerful in his own way. And where do you think the Odinforce comes from? It’s Odin’s own _seidr_ , woven into the very being of Asgard, through all its people, because of that final spell.”

Thor dropped his head into his hands. Everyone else sat in shock, trying to take it all in, and work out what it meant for them. A horrible thought suddenly swelled in Darcy. “Shit, you guys…Heimdall. Can’t he hear us? Will he tell Odin what we’re talking about? We need to go, like _now_ , he might—“

“No, no, Darcy,” Phil raised his hands to calm her. “Heimdall can’t see us. Loki’s not the only one who can hide, and who hides other people. Hela and I have been able to do so since well before Odin’s spell. My own cloaking is so powerful it is simply a part of me, and extends some distance beyond me at all times.”

Jane frowned. “That’s why nobody came to rescue Loki when you guys attacked in New Mexico!”

“I wouldn’t call it an attack—“

“I would,” Darcy muttered under her breath.

“Hold on…if he made everyone forget, how come you two know all this,” asked Tony.

“Hela and I were fighting. I had taken Odin’s side, she was on Loki’s of course, and while we battled we fell to Midgard. We happened to be here when Odin’s spell took place, and though we both felt the ripples it made throughout reality we were unaffected. At first it barely stopped us fighting, we carried on warring for decades, maybe even centuries. I’m ashamed of how long it took us to realise that something was seriously wrong.”

Pepper took over the tale. “Eventually we called a truce and met in a neutral area to speak. I transported Hoenir to Asgard—“

“Wait, you can do the sky walking thing too?” asked Darcy.

“Not the same way Loki can. But I’m the Goddess of the Dead, and wherever there is death I can be with a thought.”

“Wait, wait, wait. You’re _what?”_

Pepper couldn’t look at Tony. “I’m the Goddess of the Dead.” She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Suddenly the optical illusion Darcy had spotted on the video and when Pepper was distressed appeared, and that’s _all_ there was. The left side of her face remained, skin pale and freckled and flawless as ever. But the right side was dead. A skull with a bluish tinge, a bright spark in the depths of the eye socket. It was clean and polished, and somehow blended perfectly with the healthy left side, but there was no skin or muscle. If she turned to the left you’d think she was a glazed porcelain model of a skull, not a living, breathing woman. “I’m sorry, Tony. I let you believe I was normal when I’m this… _thing_. I was selfish, I’m so sorry. You were so good to me and I knew you would be horrified when you saw me like this—“

But Tony was up on his feet and across the room before she could finish. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close to him. She gasped as he pressed his cheek against her bare skull. He murmured into her ear, too quiet for any of them to be able to hear, and Darcy watched as she closed her one good eye, the empty socket light dimming, and the tears poured down her cheek. At last he pulled back and pressed his forehead against hers, his hands cupping her cheeks. She put both hands up to hold his, one skeletal, and nodded as he whispered, looking up with a shaky smile. When she sat down again it was curled up on his lap, fingers tangled in his black t-shirt.

Phil smiled briefly before turning back to the rest of his audience and carrying on as if nothing awkward or private or adorable had happened at all. “When we got to Asgard we realised the extent of the damage. Odin had made the last great battle seem like a Jotun invasion of Midgard - even the Jotnar themselves believe the shaky simulated memories he gave them. He took the Casket of Ancient Winters, the heart of Jotunheim, and claimed it was to prevent them from invading any other realms. We believe it was to weaken them so that they could never rise against Asgard with Loki again. He also forbade travel to Midgard, claiming it was for the mortals’ protection against stronger beings, but he’s never cared about that before. It was more likely to stop his people finding the myths the mortals have written about us and asking awkward questions.”

“As much as this is all very dramatic and stuff, why does it matter? Why don’t we just get Loki and leave them to their lies?” asked Clint.

Phil shrugged. “That’s an option,” he admitted. “And it’ll be up to you to decide what to do. But without Ragnarok, the Realms are stagnating and degrading. Jotunheim is already crumbling. Svartalfheim is nearly lifeless. The other realms have slowly been shrinking, year by year, until they’re barely the size of a small country, fertility decreases every year, and technology hasn’t progressed for a thousand years. We’re supposed to be gods, our tech is supposed to be hundreds of years ahead of yours, but in many places you’ve overtaken us.”

“Well, that sucks and all, but why should Loki bring on a war to sort out the mess that Odin made?” Darcy demanded.

“Because that’s what he _does_ , that’s what happens in Ragnarok. We need Loki to break the cycle because he’s the God of Chaos, and creation can only come out of chaos.”

“So what, Loki just has to live through a shitty life time after time because you guys can’t make some fucking changes yourselves?”

“Darcy—“

“No,” she snapped, standing up. “This is bullshit. All of it. I’m outta here.” She marched out, slamming the door and didn’t slow down until she got to her room, and screamed. What the _fuck_ did they want from her? Did they expect her to agree to this, to go up to rescue Loki just so he could die, and cause the deaths of everyone else in that stupid floating palace? It wasn’t fair.

The fight drained out of her as fast as it had arrived, and she crawled into bed, wrapping her arms around Loki’s pillow, burying her face in it. His smell was disappearing already. It made her want to scream again. Instead, she jabbed at her iPod, starting it on shuffle. Shawn Mullins started singing about a ghost town, and she snorted. She was _sure_ her iPod had some sort of AI, quieter but just as perceptive as Jarvis, because it could always match her mood. 

Her mind kept spitting fragments of Phil’s explanation back up at her, it had been too hard to take in back when he was telling his crazy tale. She thought back to Erik’s hissy fit over her middle name. What if she really was Sigyn, a soul cut loose in Odin’s fucking ridiculous spell and dropped onto Earth in the body of an average political science student? It would be laughable if she hadn’t just seen Pepper freaking Potts turn into a half-skeleton in the living room. She’d always laughed at the idea of fate and determinism. Well, by the looks of things, fate and determinism believed in her, what she thought about it was obviously immaterial.

_and i can’t remember summer, feels like spring may never come._

There was a quiet knock on the door. Darcy lifted her head to see Jane sidle into the room. “You OK, honey?” Boss-lady crawled up onto the bed and lay on her side facing Darcy.

Darcy smiled at her, but she couldn’t keep it up for long. “I don’t know what to do, Janey.”

Jane rubbed her hand sympathetically. “Me neither. Sorry.”

“It’s just…what’s the point? You know? If they’ve all been stuck in this cycle, doing the same damn thing over and over again, if everything ends in a huge battle that kills everyone, what’s the point of doing anything differently, ever?” A sneaky tear crept out of the corner of her eye and trickled over the bridge of her nose onto the pillow as she cradled her bump. “And if Loki’s children are fated to be torn away from him, or…or used to tie him down to a rock under a venomous snake then…” she gulped for air as sobs broke over her chest. Jane moved closer and wrapped her arms around her shoulders, hushing and stroking her hair. “It’s bad enough that Loki’s being tortured, but if they want to take the baby…if it’s fated…”

“C’mon Darcy, don’t tell me you’re getting sucked in by all that fate bullshit.”

“How can I not, Jane? It’s gods and monsters, this is nothing like we’ve ever had to deal with. I just don’t know if I can do this.”

Jane shook her head and frowned at her. “No. Nope. I do not accept that. You’re Darcy Lewis, you took extra credits as an intern on a completely unrelated course because you wanted to support my crazy wild goose chase out in the desert, when no-one else would back me or even look at me without sneering at the stupid woman playing in a man’s world. You do not get to quit like this. You wouldn’t let me give up. Now I’m not letting you get away with it.”

Darcy’s smile was forced around the lump in her throat. “But what am I going to _do_ , Jane? I’ve read the myths. From what Phil says, that shit’s true. How can I save Loki when every other incarnation of Sigyn and Loki ended up crushed and broken before they had to pick themselves up and lead the frost giants into battle? How can I go up there when I know for the past however many cycles they’ve tortured Loki’s children to hurt him? I should just run the other way, maybe that would stop it all from happening.”

“And maybe it wouldn’t,” Jane said, her jaw jutting forward in the expression Darcy recognised from grant proposals and journal submissions. “We’ve watched enough movies to know that trying to avoid the future just makes it happen somehow anyway. I think the whole thing’s a fucking catch twenty two, if it is true. So fuck them! Fuck trying to play their game. You do you, Darce. You’re the most self-aware person I’ve ever met. You know exactly who you are and what you want, and you’ve never apologised for it. Well, even if you _are_ the new incarnation of some Norse goddess, you’re still _you_. This new information doesn’t change every choice you’ve ever made for yourself.” She stroked Darcy’s cheek and smiled. “And who you are led you to Loki in the first place. So carry on being you. What would Darcy do? Forget all these predictions of the future, forget this Ragnarok bullshit, what do _you_ want to do?”

Darcy stared at her friend. “I love you a little bit, you know that, right?”

Jane shrugged. “Obviously.”

Her iPod suddenly switched moods, and Darcy couldn't help but smile, a wobbly thing that made her eyes tear up again. Loki had Walk The Moon as his Darcy ringtone on his phone. The solid heartbeat rhythm raced under her skin as she bit her lip and thought.

_oh don't you dare look back just keep your eyes on me_

What did she want? 

_this woman is my destiny_

She wanted Loki. There was no way she could leave him there, not without changing her whole being. 

“Let’s go rescue my boyfriend.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sarah Kemp totally called Pepper being Hela like four chapters ago...what do you guys think? I've merrily butchered Norse Mythology, but since those things are completely psychotic I'm sure they'll take the butchery in their stride.
> 
> Also I'm almost certain my iPod can read my moods. The songs Darcy was listening to are:
> 
> Shawn Mullins - I Can't Remember Summer  
> Walk The Moon - Shut up and Dance (this has been in my head as Loki's ringtone for Darcy for AGES and I'm so glad I got to put it in!)


	22. Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last battle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After a lot of discussion with Red Dragon (thank you!) I've made a few relatively subtle changes to this chapter I hope will give it a bit more clarity. I don't think I made a lot of their motivations clear at the start, so hopefully this'll be more cohesive :) The plot hasn't changed though, and hopefully I'll get the next chapter up tomorrow!
> 
> Somewhat graphic violence at the start, and death...
> 
> If there was a soundtrack to this it'd be I See Fire by Ed Sheeran

The knife point was sliding into his body so slowly that he felt the crunch of it breaking through the crust of dried blood and pus covering his skin from previous wounds and sunburn. The exhausted muscles across his torso flickered like it was trying to escape from the oncoming pain. The old warrior grabbed the metal gag, gauntleted fingers digging into the skin of his cheeks, and dragged it down to look at his face. Loki rallied his control. If this bastard insisted on seeing Loki’s reactions while he stabbed him in the gut, then he was going to be disappointed. Loki held his gaze, taking the pain of the invading metal and transforming it into defiance. He relaxed his muscles against all his instincts, needing to save any scraps of energy to keep this last little rebellion going as long as possible. In the past he would have used his status as prince of Asgard to fuel his will, but now that wasn’t true. It never had been. He was also the son of the king of Jotunheim, but he had been discarded, and as much as he liked his brothers and their people, they did not feel like his. But he was an Avenger. That was a path he had forged for himself, friends and shield brothers who were loyal to him for his own characteristics, not that that made any sense at all to him. He was an Avenger and he would stand proud and defiant as any warrior of Midgard.

The old man’s glee at torturing a member of the species who had crippled him in battle a thousand years ago turned to fury when he couldn’t draw a reaction. The small knife had reached its hilt, only three inches in. Longer knives were not allowed, of course. Wouldn’t want the Jotun traitor to die too quickly, after all. With a vicious snarl the man ripped the knife out of Loki’s stomach, pulling sideways so it sliced through skin and muscle and organs beneath. He couldn’t stop a flicker of the excruciating pain showing itself in his face, his red eyes flickering and his face scrunching up for a moment before he forced it to obey again, glaring cold fire at the man. But it was too late and the old warrior’s grin split his face. He patted Loki’s cheek, deliberately shifting the metal pressed into his mouth so that it drew new blood, then left him alone.

Loki stretched out his awareness to make sure no-one else was around before he slumped against his bonds, allowing a thin keen out through his nose as that small movement pulled on every part of his aching body. He had all but lost the feeling in his arms. His hands were covered in solid gloves of metal, preventing even the tiniest twitches of his fingers, then chained to a pole on an arch of scaffolding. The metal of the scaffold was wrought into twisting filigree shapes, beautiful for all it was meant to be a torture device. Of course it was beautiful. Everything on Asgard had to be. It also provided as little shade as possible, exposing every inch of Loki’s frozen skin to the midsummer sun. He had started burning within the first hour, and stopped sweating within the first three. Now, four days later, his body was starting to find it difficult to recover from new wounds, even with the advanced healing that came as naturally to Jotnar as Aesir. To start with, to Loki’s surprise, Thor, Sif, Volstagg and Hogun would openly bring him healing stones, standing around him glaring at everyone else, keeping those who would harm him back. Volstagg had been the first to leave, after his son had been attacked by classmates for his father’s sympathies. Loki was pleased he had chosen to put his children first. The others soon after been banned from his presence, the Allfather storming into the courtyard to threaten even his golden child. Eventually Sif had dragged Thor away from an impending punishment. Hogun had bowed calmly and begged leave to return to Vanaheim. Hours later, Heimdall had been marched past Loki, surrounded by Einherjar, and since then, the Bifrost had not opened. Loki had used the mystery to distract him for a while, but it stopped working shamefully fast.

He closed his eyes, exchanging the pain in his belly for extra pressure on his strained shoulders for a moment, and tried to focus on healing. It was sluggish, his blood thick in his veins and his _seidr_ slow to respond to his call. He could do little without his voice or his gestures, but that did not mean he was powerless. He bent his will to the task at hand, feeling his intestines knit together a tiny bit faster. He was leaving himself vulnerable by taking focus away from his surroundings, but if he allowed the wound to fester he would not cope well with any attacks anyway, so it was a necessary sacrifice.

So he could be forgiven for not noticing Darcy’s fingers on his skin at first. And when he did notice, he assumed the hallucinations had started. About time, really. He leaned into her touch, not too proud to take advantage of the tricks his mind wanted to play on him. She was stroking his face, tapping on him, rubbing his arms. And then there were more hands on him. He wondered idly who his mind would conjure, who he would imagine willing to touch him in this skin. His mother, maybe. Not his mother. She had been there, begging with Odin to spare him, but he had not seen her since his sentencing had begun, probably banned from his presence like Thor.

“Loki! Loki, babe, wake up. Your mom’s going to open the cuffs and the gag but you gotta be prepared to drop ‘cause it’s gonna hurt, even with Byleistr catching you. Look at me, OK?”

“Loki, my child, forgive me. I was told you were in the dungeons, I had no idea…oh Loki.”

He didn’t want to open his eyes. It was too sweet an illusion to dispel. His lover, his mother _and_ a brother? His mind was being too kind to him.

“Darce, just do it, we don’t have time.” That was Tony’s voice, and Loki frowned. For his mind to bring in even his shield-brothers was too much. Even in all his arrogance, Loki had never believed the Avengers were mad enough to come for _him_. He wasn’t that irreplaceable, even with his _seidr_. He forced his eyes open just as the gag opened, so his gasp could be heard by everyone around him.

And there were a lot of people around him.

He fell a short distance into strong arms, and once the pain from the jolt cleared he turned to see gentle red eyes staring into his. Darcy was still stroking his cheek, wiping away the fresh blood flowing from the gag’s chafe marks. His mother crouched beside him, not touching his Jotun skin but eyes full of tears. And behind them…behind them stood _all_ the Avengers, and Thor, Sif, Heimdal and Fandral, as well as Helblindi and eight or ten other Jotnar, some of whom he recognised from his more recent trips to Jotunheim. Joy warred with horror in his heart, and horror was winning. They could not be here! They were all in mortal danger, just because of him - Jotnar in Asgard, even worse, both princes. This could be seen as an act of war, they could not put Jotunheim in danger like that just for him. And the Avengers…they had even brought _Pepper_ here! He struggled up, trying to grip onto Byleistr’s shoulder with his useless hands, deadened from days of being suspended above his head. “Fools! You must leave, you are all in danger.”

“Not planning on staying, Snowflake,” Tony grunted, “but you’re coming with us.”

“Tony, we’ve got incoming,” called Steve, running into view followed by Bucky. Loki wanted to exclaim at the fact that the three men weren’t fighting any more, but the thunder of armoured feet froze his heart, and he struggled against Byleistr’s hold. “You must go, please! Mother, please, help them to get away, they will be killed, _please_ —“

“Hush, Loki, trust your friends. I will not allow you to suffer any more, my son.” A flood of warmth rushed through his veins, and he looked down to see a healing stone crumble against his arms and chest. He could feel his magic flicker and flex, stronger already now it was no longer fighting his wounds.

“My queen,” called one of the soldiers. “Please step back away from the invaders.”

Mother stood, her golden dress smeared in his indigo blood. “My son is leaving Asgard with his friends. You will not try to stop them.”

“My lady, we are under orders from the Allfather—“

“Be that as it may, these are facts, not requests.”

“Frigga.” The voice struck into Loki’s heart, and he stumbled as he tried to rise, to face Odin on his own two feet. “The boy must take his punishment.”

“This is not punishment, Odin,” she snapped. “It has never been about punishment, has it? This is cruelty, and I know not why.”

“Frigga, come here.” The old king walked through the ranks of Einherjar and came to stand just in front of them, facing the combined ranks of Jotun and Midgardians, mere feet away from his mother. 

Loki struggled against Byleistr’s hold, trying to stand in front of her. Instead, Helblindi’s arm pressed against his chest, and his eldest brother glared at him. “Do not dare,” he growled. “We are here for you, and we will not leave without you.”

Odin sneered. “The queen of Asgard surely does not choose to stand with such monsters.”

“I choose to stand with _my son_ and his kin. The only monster I see stands before me. Would that I had realised this before.”

“Frigga, you know not what you are doing. Come _here_.”

“No,” said Pepper, and Loki’s breath came in panicked gasps as she stepped forwards. She could not stand against the Allfather! What was Tony _thinking,_ allowing an unprotected Midgardian to come on this foolish quest? “Do you recognise me, Odin Allfather?”

Phil stepped forwards as well, the two standing just ahead of Mother, and what the _hell_ did they think they were doing? As Loki watched, struggling against his brothers’ arms, gathering his magic to cast a shield over all of them, a light shimmered around the two mortals, and they were standing in Aesir armour. It was not possible! Was this his mother’s _seidr?_ Phil now stood in blue and gold, and Pepper in black leather with a few emerald accents and…and her face had lost half its skin.

“What is this?” he whispered.

“Do you recognise us, Odin Allfather?” repeated Pepper.

Odin took a tiny step backwards before rallying and standing upright. “Hela. Hoenir. How—“

“How did we escape your spell, Blood Brother? Pure luck,” shrugged Phil. “A thousand years we have watched you and your machinations, and it was enough for the two of us to put aside our differences and work together.”

Odin snorted. “You cannot say what we have now is worse than the endless cycle of death and destruction we had before. I did what I did for the good of Asgard.”

“And Loki? What good did this do him? What, Allfather, it wasn’t enough to place yourself above my father, but you had to continue to punish him for things of which he had no memory?”

Loki stared at Pepper, no longer struggling. Father? He could not possibly…

“I kept him from causing harm, Hela,” roared Odin, and Loki flinched despite himself. “All the cruelties and foolish tricks of every one of Loki’s previous lives have been stamped out.”

“And you thought it better to achieve this by treating him with cruelty, even as a child, rather than raising him to love and feel loyalty to you?” Pepper clenched her hands at her side, dark purple wisps of _seidr_ curling around her in her anger. She laughed mirthlessly. “Great Odin, God of Wisdom, so concerned with stamping out the mistakes of others that you failed to see your own. You could have atoned for all your own cruelties by being a true father to your erstwhile brother, and Loki would never have left your side.”

“What would make you believe such rubbish, Hela? How can you possibly know that Loki would not take these freedoms and abuse my trust?”

“Because that is how my father raised me,” she snapped, and Loki gaped at her. “My father… _my_ Loki, in all his incarnations, has always loved me and my brothers for who we are, and in return, have we ever not been loyal to him? And yet you, who fought and tried to mould him into a version of yourself, and only accepted his behaviour when it fit into your nebulous view of honour, have broken his trust every cycle, and ended as his enemy. And yet you insist on repeating the same behaviour every time! What was it you gave that eye for, again?”

“Enough!” he roared, and Gungnir struck the floor, making the mortals flinch. “Einherjar—“

“Father, no,” cried Loki, struggling free of his brothers’ arms. The shock of being called father again made Odin pause just long enough for Loki to run forwards. He gathered his strength and _seidr_ , shifting back into his Aesir form to look less threatening to the gathered soldiers. “Please, leave them, they have caused no harm yet.”

“They have invaded Asgard and turned my own family against me.”

“No, Father,” rumbled Thor. “You have done the latter yourself.”

“Please, Allfather. Let me take the Jotnar and the Midgardians. We will leave Asgard, never to return, I will bother you no longer, just do not harm them.”

“How can I believe the Liesmith? You are fated to bring Ragnarok, boy, and I cannot allow that to happen.”

“Which is why Asgard and the realms around Midgard stagnate and crumble,” said Phil. Odin snarled at him, and Loki held out his arm, though logically he could see Phil was not as vulnerable as he had believed. “We need Ragnarok,” Phil insisted. “Midgard has already surpassed us in many ways, and yet for the price of your rule you hold Asgard back, and allow Jotunheim and Svartalfheim to slowly die.”

“You blame our people for a war that never happened,” growled Helblindi, and the other Jotnar made sounds of agreement. Some of the Aesir were glancing at each other too.

Loki’s eyebrows shot up. “Is this true, Allfather?”

Odin ignored him. “The Frost Giants always stand with Loki. They always attack Asgard in the last battle. Is this what you bring to my doorstep? Is this your answer to my control of the trickster, Hoenir? To bring Ragnarok yourself?”

Phil shrugged. “We considered it,” he admitted. “I counselled it. I still think it’s for the best. But the humans and Jotnar want no part of it, and I’ve come to appreciate democracy. We’ve come for Loki, nothing else.”

“I will not set him free to spread his lies and mischief again. I have worked too hard to stop this infernal cycle.” Odin shook his head, seeming almost sorrowful. He moved suddenly, faster even than Loki could react in his exhausted state, raising Gungnir to point it directly at Loki’s face. He saw the blast come from the end of the spear, a beam of golden _seidr_ reaching for him, and he knew he would not be able to raise his shield in time with his own sluggish _seidr_. When the strike came, however, it was from behind. He was whipped around, thrown to the ground, _not dead_.

The courtyard erupted with roars and screams. Loki pushed himself up, dazed but _not dead_. He turned to see what had deflected the strike, and saw his brother lying on his back, thrown against the scaffolding on which he had been suspended.

“Helblindi!” Byleistr was at his side, arm under his head, hand pressing against his chest, a gaping wound of shattered bone and fluttering lung tissue. All around them was chaos. The Avengers and Jotnar leaped forward to battle the Einherjar, while Pepper and Coulson engaged Odin. 

Loki stumbled to his feet, deafened by the rush of panic and despair and grief, and staggered to his brothers, shifting into his Jotun skin without thought as he fell to his knees by Helblindi. “Hold on, brother, hold on,” he begged, gathering his _seidr_ to flood into him, to try and keep his ruined body together and heal him. It responded faster, fuelled by panic, but Helblindi pushed him away weakly. 

“Too late,” he rasped. He gripped Loki’s hand and smiled, the first smile Loki had ever seen on his stoic brother’s face. “I failed to save you before,” he whispered. “Not this time.”

His muscles loosened, his breath hushed out of his mouth and chest at once, and the blood pouring from his body slowed. Byleistr sobbed against Helblindi’s forehead, his huge frame hunched over to shield his breaking heart. Loki sat, frozen, staring at the still figure, the gentle smile still curling his lips, and he felt the rage and grief rising as if through the ground. It filled his bones like flame, rushing up through his chest until he threw his head back and screamed.

His _seidr_ flared out in a green arc, flattening everything around him, shattering the metal scaffolding like kindling and knocking all those in battle off their feet. For a moment, his body felt empty in the absence of the pulse of fury. Then a new roaring set up behind his eyes and ears, and he remembered.

He saw three young men wandering the realms, so close they could not call themselves anything but brother. He saw his mischief and his malice, tricks and chaos and lies he would never have dared in this life. He saw a cloak of feathers, a boy turned into a fish egg, a builder and a witch. He saw Sigyn with a shy smile, Sigyn with a wicked glint in her eye, Sigyn the warrior, Sigyn the mage, Sigyn the courtier. He saw Sigyn with an empty belly and venom burns up her arms, standing above him, unable to hear his sobbed apologies through her own grief.

He saw his children torn from him.

He stood, and the rage of every Loki burned in his veins, every injustice and every betrayal, and he advanced on his blood-brother lying unconscious on the dirt, his father, his king. Around him, other Aesir struggled to their feet if they could, shaking their heads, their own memories returning. Sigyn lay sobbing on the floor, and his rage and grief burned with star-fire. He had failed yet again to keep his family safe, and the only route left to him was to burn the Nine Realms, bring Ragnarok, and free their souls to try again. 

Hoenir was quick to push himself up, smiling as he approached Loki. “It comes regardless,” he said. “As I knew it must.”

“What is this?” Loki snarled.

Hoenir looked around, at the mix of races, some dazed from the physical blow, others blinking back memories of life before life before life. “You broke the spell. They’re all seeing what was held back from them.” He jerked his chin at Odin, the only one of the Aesir still lying motionless. “I still think you should finish this.”

Yes. Odin had taken everything from him yet again, had prevented so many of his children from even coming into the world. Hela stepped forwards, brow furrowed. “Coulson. You agreed…”

Loki smiled at her, vicious, but instead of returning his glee, she looked distraught.

“It is well, Hela. Let us end this,” he said, bending to kiss her smooth bone cheek.

Shimmering mist whirled around him, searching for a vessel. As Loki watched, the souls of his sons sank into two of the mortals, and they spasmed before leaping to their feet. Jormungandir and Fenrir stood in front of him. Jormungandir lifted the faceplate of his armour. “Father,” he said, his eyes flickering from brown to green. 

Fenrir gave him a strained grin, long brown hair flaring around their face. “You have brought us back just in time.”

Loki pressed his forehead against Jormungandir’s and stroked Fenrir’s mane, pulling his three children close to him. Soon he would have them back. _This_ time he would do it right. Be everything they needed. They would be happy.

Odin’s body twitched, a pile of rich rags on the floor, and Loki advanced. Heimdall and Thor stood in his path, still shaking the confusion from their heads. Fenrir and Jormungandir stepped in front of their father, snarling and hissing. “Peace,” said Thor, voice quieter than it had ever been in any incarnation.

“You remember?” asked Loki, looking between them.

Heimdall nodded, glaring at Loki. “I remember our battles, every one.” Then his eyes softened. “But I also remember a child who was my sister’s companion, a boy who pestered me for tales of the Nine Realms, and a young man who tried to please, and was rewarded with cruelty and pain.”

Loki blinked and frowned as the two of them bowed to his children and took their place by his side. So shaken was he that he could hardly remember what it was he had planned to do. Another tiny movement from Odin brought him back to himself and he set forward again, gathering his _seidr_ in one hand.

“Loki, please…”

Her voice made him freeze in his tracks and turn. Sigyn pushed herself to her feet and started walking towards him. How was she still with child? They had taken Vali and Narfi…Loki shook his head and frowned, his vision of Sigyn flickering.

“Loki, this isn’t you. It’s not what you want.” She was standing between him and Odin’s prone figure now, and his children stared at her, Hela with a wild sort of hope in her eyes. Jormungandir and Fenrir simply looked tired. “It’s what the _other_ Lokis want, baby, and I know how much that hurts, all that old pain. I can see every life Sigyn’s lived, all the children she lost…” her voice broke under the grief and she covered her mouth with one hand, the other still held out towards Loki. He stepped forward and took it in both of his own, and she squeezed as she got her sobs under control. She gulped one last time, then stood up straight, watery eyes holding his in a firm gaze. “But I’m not her,” she said. “I’m me. This is the life I’ve lived, and those old hurts…they're still there. They always will be. We can’t keep battling the same things over and over again, across all these lives, hoping that we can change what's already happened. Come back with me, Loki. Leave Odin up here being a control freak. See how well that works out for him when his own people know all the bullshit he’s been feeding them for a thousand years.”

“Loki,” said Hoenir…no, Coulson. His name was Coulson, thought Loki, memories flickering through him. “Ragnarok will come. If not today, Odin will rally his forces and bring the last battle to us, and we may not be prepared.”

“Maybe it is better to end him now,” sighed Jor…Tony.

“And then what?” asked Darcy. Yes, this was Darcy. His Darcy, carrying his baby, and he loved her with all his frozen heart. “What always happens when you fight Odin? Ragnarok, right? The end and the beginning? Do you really think the next cycle’s going to be any better?” She threw up her hands, encompassing all the Nine Realms in one exasperated gesture. “It hasn’t made it better the last hundred times, has it? No, it’s made it worse. You keep making the same mistakes, hoping this _time_ it’ll work? Even us stupid mortals know that’s the definition of insanity.” She jerked her chin towards Hoenir. “You say this is all about bringing change? Well, I think it’s not fucking working if you’re just doing the same thing over and over again.”

Loki looked around at the rest of them, pulling themselves to their feet. The backlash from the vast spell breaking may have knocked Odin cold, already weakened from not truly settling into the Odinsleep, but other Aesir were all but recovered physically. Emotionally, they still struggled with the many memories of lives they’d lived and yet not lived for a thousand years, trying to remember what was raw and what hurts were ancient and bone deep. He looked back towards his fallen brother, still lying on the baked ground. He had given his life for Loki, and in the back of his mind Loki could see every other Helblindi and Byleistr, who had always been so many years his younger, until they had been forced to care for a tiny child for which they had only false memories. The grief and rage that had flooded him and broken the spell had not brought Helblindi back. It had not turned Loki into a man who could protect his siblings, and yet so powerful was the siren call that _this_ time he could start again and be everything everyone wanted him to be. Wipe the slate clean and be worthy of Sigyn’s fidelity, his children’s love, and maybe, _maybe this time_ , earn his blood-brother’s unconditional loyalty.

He turned to his beloved children, his beloved friends, tears marking trails through the grime on his face. They knew him, all he had ever been, and yet they remained loyal to him. He could not see what he had done to deserve them. And that was the key, was it not? Unconditional love and loyalty was not earned. It could not be, or it was not unconditional. “I do not know what to do,” he whispered, looking between his lover, and his three children, who were also his friends. “What do you want me to do?”

Jane/Fenrir shook their head. “This is your choice, Father. It’s your battle. We stand by your side no matter what.”

“What do you want?” asked Pepper/Hela. 

Loki squeezed his eyes shut, more tears tracking down his face. “I do not know…I just…I just want you all to be happy, and safe.”

His family clustered around him, reaching out for him and touching arms and shoulders, their contact offering strength and support. At last he took a deep breath and looked at Jormungandir, Fenrir and Hela. “If I choose to return to Midgard, you will not be able to stay, will you?”

“I will,” Hela replied. “I survived the last Ragnarok. Like Odin and Hoenir, I have been here for the last thousand years, missing you all. But Jor and Fen…they never came to be.” Her voice broke and tears ran down the flesh side of her face. “Odin destroyed your bodies before your souls could even truly live. Their souls are only sharing these bodies.”

Jormungandir smiled sadly and closed his eyes, squeezing Fenrir’s hand. Loki sobbed, curling his body around the pulsing grief in his heart. 

“And if I bring Ragnarok? If I burn this place and scatter the ash, will you be able to come back? And Helblindi?”

“That’s how it has ever been.” Fenrir nodded. “You have been betrayed. We have been taken. You were angry, and you were punished. We came back to fight. We died, and you brought the fire to avenge us and to save us, to have one more chance, hoping that this time we’d be able to stay together.” They sounded exhausted, and Loki wrapped his arms around their neck, burying his face in their hair, smelling at once of Jane Foster and of wolf cub.

Jormungandir stepped out of Tony’s armour and rested his hand on the back of Loki’s head, the child comforting the parent. “It’s OK, Father,” he said, so gently that it broke Loki into fresh sobs. “It’s time to move on, let us rest.”

Loki turned to him and clutched him tightly to his heart. “I cannot forget you…I can’t leave you. A father is supposed to save his children, how can I let you go when there is any chance to bring you back to me?”

All three children gathered around him, heads tucked close to his. “This time you have another,” whispered Fenrir.

“How can I choose between you?” he gasped. “How can I call myself your father if I forsake the one not yet born, or their father if I leave you?”

“You would not be forsaking us, Father.” Jor leaned back, holding his face and smiling. “We remember every cycle, and since our existence you have fought for us.”

“I have failed, every time.”

“But you have succeeded in bringing us back every time,” he reminded him. “And now it is time for us to rest and watch from our sister’s realm.” Hela looked up sharply, as if she had not considered this. Jor smiled, a sweet thing so different from Tony’s smirks. “And when your end comes, if it brings another beginning, then we will come back to you. Until then,” he stroked Loki’s hair and linked hands with Fenrir, “we will wait for you, Father.”

Loki pulled the two of them close to him, clutching them tightly as if his will alone could keep them there. But the two bodies in his arms slackened, and silver mist drifted from them. Loki gently lowered Tony and Jane to the floor, where they were already shifting and rubbing their eyes, but he could not bear to see them any more, and stumbled over to Darcy, who wrapped her arms around him as he sobbed.


	23. After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The myth of Loki and Baldur is referenced here, but I don't go into it in detail, I'm sort of just assuming everyone knows it? Please let me know if not!

Loki felt like his entire body was made of dust and ash, as if the Nine Realms had not been burned, but he had, through his very soul. He found himself almost leaning on Darcy as they made their way to the Jotnar, still kneeling by their Prince’s body. Byleistr stared blankly at Helblindi as Darcy stood next to him and wrapped her arms around his massive shoulders. He was slow to react, but eventually rested his head on her shoulder and cupped her back in one great hand. Loki could tell, in a detached, out of body way, that he wanted to cling tight to her and sob, but feared for her safety, considerate even in the depths of his grief, and let her go quickly. Loki knelt by him instead, creeping closer, until he tucked himself under his biggest brother’s arm and let him crush him to his chest, giving what comfort his insignificant body could provide to the strongest, kindest man he’d ever known.

Darcy gave them a moment, then, with a stroke to Loki’s shoulders, walked to the centre of the courtyard. “I call a meeting of the Allthing.”

A ripple of shock went through the audience. The Allthing had not been called in a thousand years, all memories of it freshly returned and yet ancient. Even Phil did a double take. Heimdall was the one to join her. “I too bring my voice.”

“And I,” said Njord, God of the Sea.

And with three proponents, the decision was made. Asgard rushed to search out the ceremonies and legal documents to accompany it, spread the word, and clear the market square to serve as the site where all could hear and any could speak.

When Odin woke, trembling and weak limbed, the Allthing was already well on its way to restructuring the power balance in Asgard, and he was escorted under guard into his chambers to enter the Odinsleep properly. This time, neither his wife nor children sat with him.

After Thor and Frigga refused the throne, Heimdall put Darcy forward to be the next Allfather. She laughed, for quite some time. Then she proceeded to give a lecture on constitutional democracy with an emphasis on proportional representation in voting regulations. Loki was almost able to laugh when she started branching out into social equality.

“Your Sigyn. Darcy. She is an impressive woman.” 

Loki turned to see Frigga standing next to him, her hands folded in front of her, every inch the queen. He bowed in greeting. Above their heads hung a dark cloud, their entire being stiff with a newly revealed past. Together they glanced at Baldur, who was frowning and biting his lip as he tried to understand the difference between a referendum and a citizen’s jury. 

Frigga shook her head, still not looking at Loki. “At once you are my son, and he who took my son from me,” she whispered, voice trembling, and Loki closed his eyes as another wave of grief crashed over him. 

“My queen…”

“No, Loki,” she said steadying her breath. “Not any more. Never your queen.” She turned to him, eyes flickering everywhere before they landed on his at last. “Loki…oh, Loki, will you not call me mother?”

Loki’s breath escaped him and he tried to hide the pleading in his whole being. “I do not know if I deserve to.”

When she wrapped her arms around him it was all he could do not to sag into her and start crying again, kneel at her feet and clutch her skirts as he had as a babe not wanting to let her go. “I am so sorry,” he gasped.

“Oh, my child, I’m sorry too.”

***

Eventually Darcy had expanded, or possibly exploded, the minds of the entire realm, and the Allthing adjourned to reconvene the following day in order to draw up a constitution and begin to elect officials. The last act was for Darcy to pass her position as proponent of the Allthing to Tyr so she could return to Midgard. 

The Avengers gathered, yawning and quietly cheering Darcy, who rolled her eyes, but grinned, as she rejoined them. The Jotnar gathered in near silence, two of them carrying Helblindi’s body on a covered stretcher, and they waited for Heimdall, who was deep in conversation or argument with Phil over the intricacies of federal governance. Eventually Sif marched up to her brother, drew his sword, Hofund, and marched the visitors up the Bifrost.

“Wait!” The party turned to see Frigga riding up the Rainbow Bridge. She dismounted as she reached them, smiled at Loki, and then turned to Byleistr. “Byleistr Laufeyson…I am sorry for your loss.”

Byleistr nodded, the milky tears rising in his red eyes once more. “He was the best of us,” he said softly. “Everything he did was for Jotunheim.”

Frigga smiled and hovered her hand just above his cheek where it would give comfort without burning her. “If you will allow me, I would honour his sacrifice by returning something that should never have been taken from your world.” With a complicated gesture, taught to Loki long ago, she retrieved a glowing blue box from her pocket dimension. It drifted in the air, suspended between her two hands without her touching it.

“The Casket of Ancient Winters,” Skaadi breathed. Byleistr reached out, hesitating like he expected a trap, but Frigga nodded and moved it towards him. When his hands wrapped around it every Jotun gasped in ecstasy. 

“I know this cannot make up for the last thousand years of suffering,” Frigga said, “but I hope that it will bring your land strength for the millennia to come.” She bowed to him, then turned to Sif. “Would you please send the prince and his people home first? They have suffered much this day.”

Byleistr bowed back to Frigga. “Allmother—“

“Not any more,” she corrected. “Not even queen. Just Frigga, if you would be so kind.”

He smiled. “Frigga. Jotunheim is in your debt. My brother and I would have died many times over to return the heart of our land. Our grief is not in vain.”

“It is I who is in your debt. Not only did Helblindi save my beloved Loki today, but your youngest brother was my son for a thousand years. My joy came at your expense twice over.”

Byleistr nodded, and turned to Loki. “Will you come to his sending, brother?”

“Of course.” He switched to his Jotun skin and wrapped his arms around Byleistr’s waist, hiding his face in his chest while the great hand rubbed his back. “I would like to meet my nephew, too.”

Byleistr nodded. “Gridr will be glad to see you again. Maybe this time we can introduce you to our father, too?”

Loki nodded against his brother’s skin, then stepped back. He placed his hand on the shroud covering Helblindi’s body and bit his lip to hold back a sob. “I’m sorry, brother.”

“He would not be,” said Byleistr. “And he would not want you to be. I know he did not seem to welcome you openly, but he loved you, Loki, and was glad to have you back.”

Loki stepped back, leaving the Jotnar in front of the Bifrost. He held Byleistr’s gaze until the beam of light snatched them away and took them home.

“You OK, babe?” asked Darcy, rubbing his back. Loki nodded and looked up to the rest of the Avengers.

“If you are ready, I will set the Bifrost for Midgard,” said Sif, standing firm at the helm with Hofund. The Avengers arranged themselves on the landing site, and Thor came forward.

“I know you have brothers…and I know now that we have never been brothers before but…would you allow me to still call you Brother?”

Loki smiled at the golden son of Asgard, standing there so awkwardly with one hand in his hair. He thought about all the Lokis that had come before, travelling with the son of his blood-brother, fighting with him, hating him. But this life was his own, and he did not need to do any of those things, just what he wanted. “I would like that, Brother,” he said, resting his hand against Thor’s neck, and basked in the blazing heat of that smile. Thor bumped his head against Loki’s and stepped back.

At the last moment before the gate opened, Fandral stepped beside Tony. Thor’s eyebrows raised. “Fandral?”

Fandral kept his eyes straight ahead, not looking at anyone. “If it is no trouble, I would like to spend some time on Midgard.” Then he caught Loki’s eye and looked away nervously. “It does not have to be with you and your shield-brothers. I would just like to see more of the realm.” His eyes flickered towards Steve and Bucky, holding hands a couple of spaces ahead, and Loki nodded.

“It is no concern of mine.”

“We could always use a bit of muscle on the team anyway, hey, Capsicle?”

Steve looked up at Tony, his eyes wide. “Are you OK with me being back on the team, Tony?”

Tony rolled his eyes. “I think we’ve gone beyond brainwashed supposedly dead New Yorkers being used as a weapon,” he said. “We just fought gods together and won, I think we’re back on the same team.” He threw a glance at Bucky as well. “You too, See-Threepio. Spangles isn’t going anywhere without you anyway.”

Bucky gave a crooked grin, and Fandral bowed. “I am in your debt.”

“Yeah, yeah, welcome to the team. The more the merrier. Let’s give that Spider Kid a call some time, get him to join us too, why not?”

Tony was still talking when Sif twisted Hofund and dropped them onto the rune circle outside the mansion.

“Holy shit, that was fucking weird,” yelled Tony when they landed. The rest of the mortals were staggering about looking ill. Loki raised his eyebrows at Darcy.

“Hey, don’t look at me like that, we’ve never been sucked through a wormhole before!”

“How did you arrive on Asgard, then, if not through your Einstein-Rosen bridge?”

“Pepper-Hela zapped us there,” said Tony. “That was pretty weird too. Are there any other forms of inter-realm travel you guys aren’t telling us about? Because I’ve used two different types now, and I’ve gotta be honest, not one of them is fun.” He straightened up and turned to Pepper, clearing his throat. “Is it too weird that I was possessed by your brother? I mean, it’s not incest, is it?”

Pepper laughed and wrapped her arms around him. “No, it definitely is not incest, and I’ll thank you not to remind me how weird it was to see his soul in your body.”

Tony shrugged and grabbed her ass. “Good. Would have sucked if I wasn’t allowed to do that any more.”

Loki shook his head and linked his fingers with Darcy, drawing her back to the mansion. “How are you?”

She took a minute to think about it, resting her hand on her bump. He slipped his arm around her shoulder and placed his hand over the baby as well. It had only been four days, but he had missed the feel of the fish-like movements under her skin.

“I’m still sorting things out in my head,” she admitted. “I’ve still got all of Sigyn’s memories. I guess that means I really am Sigyn, she wasn’t just possessing me like your kids did with Tony and Jane?”

Loki nodded. “In every Loki’s memories, Sigyn was the same as you. Features like hair colour or eye colour varied, but it was always you.” He looked at her. “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry? It’s not your fault.”

Loki took a deep breath. “For…being me, I suppose. For what I do, and the danger it puts you and our children in.”

Darcy stopped and held Loki’s cheeks with both hands. “Don’t,” she said, eyes hard. “Don’t you fall into that trap again. What came before, it’s not a prediction of what’s going to happen next. Don’t assume you have to make the same choices every other Loki’s ever made, because you’re not every other Loki. You’re _you,_ and you make the decisions this time round. It’s _your_ life, so do what you want to do, not what you think you should.”

Loki smiled and wrapped his arms around her, holding her as tightly as the bump allowed. “How do you do that?” he whispered. “The memories hit you too, like everyone else, but you saw through them to yourself more than anyone else.”

Darcy shrugged. “Just call me Granny Weatherwax,” she grinned. “Come on, Lokie-Dokie. Let’s go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you don't know, that last bit references Witches Abroad by Terry Pratchett. Please do yourself a favour and read it, even if you've never read any other Discworld books. It's about the magic of stories so pretty perfect for all of us!
> 
> So...just the epilogue to go. I'm kinda sad. What do you guys think?


	24. Epilogue - A Dramatic Shift in Priorities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introducing Benjamin Lewis-Walker...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. The end ;_; I'm so grateful to all of you for following along and saying such wonderful things and generally being amazing! There is a sequel, it's hand-written at the moment, and I'm going to focus on Out of the Void for a while, but it will be here in a month or so, maybe less. Thank you so much...I hope you like it!

The advantage of being the girlfriend of a god, thought Darcy as she drifted back into consciousness, was that all the labour pains get taken away. Loki couldn’t use his healing powers on her because her body was supposed to…uh…break, slightly during the birth and healing it would interfere with the process. It had been a long one, eighteen hours, and exhausting, but with Loki’s hand on the middle of her back, or holding hers, or stroking her cheek, sending that green light into her nerves, it had just been like a serious marathon workout. She was ridiculously grateful. He’d gone to fetch Bruce at one point, and the pain that hit her during that short time was fucking ridiculous. How did normal people do this?!

She could hear his soft voice beside her as she woke up, and she opened her eyes very slightly, just to spy on him a little. She needn't have worried he would spot her waking up. He was absolutely besotted. 

He sat back in the soft chair beside her bed, one long leg crossed over the other knee, and the tiny bundle in the crook of his arm squirmed and grunted as he ran his finger over the black down of his head. Loki’s hair was tied back in a messy ponytail, but strands of it fell around his face, and judging by his slightly dazed look, he hadn’t slept all night. Darcy smiled at that thought. He’d probably been up gazing into his son’s cloudy blue eyes since he took him and she’d drifted off into unconsciousness.

“I apologise in advance,” he said softly, his face bent over their baby’s, his forehead slightly crinkled with sincerity. “I know I cannot be perfect, and you deserve perfection, Benjamin. But I swear only this, that you will be loved, and you will know it.”

Darcy couldn’t help an affectionate smile curling her lip as she watched her soppy boyfriend’s eyes tear up a little. A tiny hand appeared out of the blanket and Loki slipped his long index finger into the fist, bringing it up to his mouth to kiss. “There will be so many aunts and uncles ready to spoil you,” he smiled. “And they will take care of you too. Uncle Tony has already promised to keep an eye on me in case I start to resemble the man who raised me. I have made sure you will be safe, even from your father.”

The little sounds became tiny grumbles. “Shh, shh, baby, your mother is sleeping still. Let her rest a while longer.”

“Mommy’s already awake,” Darcy admitted, her voice rough with sleep. Loki looked up at her and blushed as he smiled. “Don’t be shy of being an awesome Daddy, babe,” she said, pushing herself up. “Jeez, I feel weird!”

He was standing in an instant, Benjamin still safe in his left arm while his right rubbed Darcy’s shoulder. “Of course - I did not get a chance to heal you after last night, I am sorry—“

“Don’t be silly, honey,” she laughed. “I just went through labour with no pain at all, do you know how much of a holy freakin’ grail that is? This is just…weird, my tummy just feels empty, you know?”

He smiled. “Not really. Would you like me to heal you?”

She snorted. “Uh, hell yeah, if you don’t mind! I’m not buying into that ‘real women feel the pain of labour’ bull.” He smirked and put his hand low on her belly. She closed her eyes as she felt the warm tingling whir through her, reattaching muscle, pulling organs back into the right place, and knitting torn flesh together. “You are literally the most awesome boyfriend in the world.”

He smiled and looked back at Benjamin, who was starting to wriggle and grumble in earnest. Darcy held his hand where it still rested on her tummy. “You’re also the best daddy in the world too.”

“I do not think we can know that until he has grown up,” he grinned, raising his eyebrows at her. “And I also think I am not the parent he wants right now.”

Darcy held out her arms for her baby and pushed the fluffy blanket out of the way of his face, which was starting to crinkle up in irritation. She pulled her shirt up and he latched onto her nipple like a little pro, his tummy pressed against her chest and one hand scratching at her chest. “This little dude’s got talons.” She slipped her finger into his fist instead. Loki pulled up a stool next to her bed and leaned his head against her shoulder, watching his son. 

There was a soft tap on the door, and Loki stood to open it. Bruce was outside with their midwife, Laura, and they smiled to see Darcy up and feeding Benjamin. “You’re doing great,” said Laura. “How’re you feeling?”

“Good as new,” she grinned. “The advantages of having a god around.”

“Don’t suppose I can bring you along as aftercare to my other moms,” she asked Loki as she examined Darcy’s perfect healing.

Loki blushed. “I would be happy to help, if I can.”

“I’m joking, honey, I don’t imagine you’ll have much time with junior over here. Have you decided what you’re calling him?”

“Benjamin Lewis-Walker,” said Darcy, tapping his cheek to wake him up and start suckling again.

“Aww. It suits him,” she smiled. “Well, it looks like my job here is more than done. Especially as you’re physically back to pre-pregnancy state already, you lucky thing. I’ll come back in a couple of days to check he’s putting on weight as expected, but if there’s nothing else, I’ll leave you to it.”

“Thank you, Laura,” Loki said, taking her hand.

“Any time, sweetie,” she replied, smiling at both of them. “It’s not often you get to be present for the birth of a demi-god, after all.”

“Your mom’s here, Darcy,” Bruce said, as Laura left with one last wave. “Pepper and Steve are entertaining her. She hasn’t asked to see you or anything, but I can tell she wants to.”

Darcy crinkled her nose up as she grinned. “Mom’s so determined not to be pushy. She’ll be itching to get her hands on her grandson.”

“They all are,” Bruce smiled.

“Well, in that case,” she said, swinging her legs off the bed and tucking her boobs away. “Let’s go introduce the newest Avenger.”

“Are you sure you’re up to it?”

“Hell yeah, Brucie-bear. I wanna show this kid off.”

Bruce rolled his eyes. “You know, you’re almost worse than Tony with those damn nicknames.”

Loki walked beside her, his hand around her shoulders. Darcy wasn't sure how either of them managed to get to the elevator and up to the common room, because she was pretty sure Loki was gazing at Benjamin the whole time, just like she was. His tiny little face was still scrunched up as newborns are, his long eyelashes resting against his cheeks and his lips in a tiny, gorgeous pout as he slept.

Literally everyone was gathered in the common room, and when they appeared there was the world’s quietest cheer. Clint was the first to jump up and poke his nose over Darcy’s shoulder. “He’s gorgeous, guys, congratulations! Can I hold him, can I, can I?”

“Nuh-uh, first cuddle privileges go to grannies,” Darcy said and Verity made a little squeaking sound as she jumped up and down on the spot, holding her hands out for her grandson.

“Oh, he is _perfect_ ,” she said, and wiped a tear off her cheek.

Darcy laughed and hugged her mom. “You’re such a softy.”

“I am gonna spoil you rotten,” she said, touching the end of his nose. 

“Yeah, I think we all are,” Tony grinned. “Hey, we got messages from Asgard and Jotunheim, by the way,” he said to Loki. Your brothers and Mom are arriving in about half an hour. I told them visiting hours end at four, then everyone has to leave the new family alone, no exceptions. No-one comes to your room without a direct invitation, initiated by you. Jarvis takes his duties very seriously.”

“Indeed, sir,” said Jarvis.

“Aww, thanks, Tony, you’re really looking after us.”

“Tony’s been researching new parent groups like he’s going to build a suit with the information,” Pepper grinned. “He’s worried we’ll swamp you, so he’s getting really strict with all of us.”

Tony grumbled unintelligibly and shuffled his feet. Darcy went to him and wrapped her arms around him. “Thank you, Tony. That’s really thoughtful.” She pulled back, and pretended not to notice him blushing furiously, turning to the rest of the Avengers instead. “Thank you all, guys. They say that it takes a village to raise a child, well, it looks like this little guy’s gonna be raised to the stars. You’re the best village anyone could ever have.”

A roomful of lost souls, super soldiers, assassins, gamma monsters and torture victims gathered around her baby. Masks fell as they smiled at his little wrinkled face, passing the bundle from person to person, cradling him like he was sacred, each speaking promises and whispers of protection. Soon they would be joined by gods and giants, representatives of three realms holding her baby precious as he tied their fates together around his little finger. She tucked herself under her lover’s arm and they watched their family, their village, and the centre of their world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, that baby's feet didn't touch the ground until he was about 8 months old and wriggled to get down any time someone picked him up. Loki and Darcy didn't get the full Jotun sequestration because Darcy's human and could NOT cope with being cooped up for that long, and from the baby's point of view, he has an entire household full of doting parents, so he was basically sequestered and bonded with all the Avengers for ages. Loki also got so many cuddles that it almost completely made up for lacking them as a baby. Not just from Benjamin! Tony and Natasha were the worst for spoiling Benjamin as he grew up, but Darcy and Coulson were the best at discipline. Loki kind of just broke every time he had a tantrum to start with, so Coulson had to give him a Supernanny crash course, and now he understands that children need boundaries, and the wonders of time out.
> 
> Oh, what, you thought these guys weren't _real_ to me?!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Voin](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8220055) by [jzonecgy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jzonecgy/pseuds/jzonecgy), [Laurel_Wolford](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laurel_Wolford/pseuds/Laurel_Wolford)




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